Team Spirit E-Book

Gudrun Rogge-Wiest

• Herausgeber: BoD - Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Serie: Team Spirit
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Seitenzahl: 132

Beschreibung

The setting is a German university town at the turn of the millennium. Promising young researcher Teresa Rinaldi, a post-doc in sociology, struggles with anxiety about the future, while her boss, chair of sociology Jakub Feldmann, is suddenly faced with issues he has long evaded.

Leseprobe

For all those who were part of the network back then

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

What it is

It is nonsense

says Reason.

It is what it is

says Love

It is bad luck

says Calculation.

It is nothing but pain

says Anxiety.

It is hopeless

says Understanding

It is what it is

says Love.

It is ridiculous

says Pride.

It is careless

says Prudence.

It is impossible

says Experience.

It is what it is

says Love.

Erich Fried (1921 – 1988)

Translation: Rogge-Wiest

Table of Contents

Chapter I

The Dessert

Anxiety

Coffee break

Every beginning is hard

The party

A secret

Chapter II

The morning after

A heart-to-heart talk

Certainty

Farewell party

Alone

Chapter III

A visit

The break-down

An outing

Family and work

Chapter IV

Speculations

Tears

Life partners

Temptation

A silver lining

Feedback

Chapter V

The writing on the door

Exit

The interview

The skeleton in the cupboard

The confession

Picking up the reins

A new beginning

Chapter 1

September 1999

The dessert

Teresa Rinaldi is in the kitchen of her shared flat. She whips together egg yolk and powdered sugar for a Tiramisu. She hopes that no-one will join her, now, because she is nervous. She wants the Tiramisu to be perfect, and as always when she wants to be perfect, she is scared that something will go wrong. What if she spoils the cream, for example? This would be a disaster, because tomorrow evening they are going to celebrate the extension of their collaborative research project. Their supervisor, Professor Dr Feldmann, has invited those colleagues from the other departments, who are also involved. Each of his staff members contributes some dessert. She offered to bring a Tiramisu.

Cautiously, she stirs in the mascarpone, then folds in the whipped egg whites gently. The cream does look good! Now it´s time to pile up the Tiramisu in the big rectangular dish. She lays out the espressosoaked ladyfingers, spreads cream on them, then overlays it with more ladyfingers and covers them with another blanket of cream. Finally, she sprinkles cocoa powder on it until there is no white shining through any more.

After a last critical look at her work she puts the dish onto the topmost shelf of the fridge, which she cleared beforehand. In order to remind her flat mates that she needs the dessert whole the next day she sticks a Post It note on the dish. Then she heads for her room.

She crosses over to the window in the half-light. The flat is on the fourth floor of a historical turn of the century town house, high enough to be able to see the sky above the houses opposite. At present it is glowing in various shades of red, the last rays of the setting sun. She stands gazing raptly for a little longer before she turns away to switch on the light.

Her room looks spacious not least because of its high ceiling, but perhaps also because it is sparsely furnished: a wardrobe, a desk with a chair, and on the wall opposite a book shelf and a bed. When she moved in Teresa had been glad that it was partially furnished because she had hardly any savings. The bed and the wardrobe made of gleaming reddish-brown wood belong to a past era, the late 19th or early 20th century. It set off the lighter wood and more sober design of her big desk and her book shelf, which she bought at the local branch of a big Swedish furniture chain. In order to keep out the orange gleam of the city night sky, which never goes completely dark, she hung up burgundy curtains made of an opaque fabric.

Turning away from the light switch, she faces her image in the mirror. She is slim and well-proportioned. Her features are finely chiselled but clear-cut. While gazing at herself searchingly, her forehead has wrinkled, and frown lines have appeared between her eyebrows. Alastair says that with her glasses on and her hair in a ponytail she looks like the very strict maths teacher he used to have. Amused by the thought of this she removes the hair tie and her glasses. As always, she is surprised at the difference. Only now do her almond-shaped green and brown eyes show to advantage against the background of her pale skin and the dark brown of her shoulder length wavy hair. She should let it down more often. Still, it gets on her nerves when wisps of it fall into her face while she is working. But she could wear contact lenses. So far she has shied away from the extra effort and expense

Since Sabrina joined their research team, she has become more conscious of her outward appearance. Of course, she is no match for a woman of such strong presence who puts herself in the limelight, as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

Is it possible to learn to be more outgoing? She doubts it. You´d probably have to start at a very young age. And would she still be herself, then?

She lifts her chin, which gives her a look of determination. This makes her laugh out loud. To work, she commands herself. She walks to her desk, switches the desk lamp on and takes the script for tomorrow´s undergraduate seminar out of her bag in order to think her lesson plan through once more.

Anxiety

Immersed in the warm shallows of the sea, she is rocked gently back and forth, when, suddenly, a wave seizes her and her body hits the wet sand. Shortly after, another big wave washes over her and flings her further up the beach where she remains lying while the sea is sucked back with a protracted hissing sound in order to turn round and launch a new attack. While she is lying there covered by a multitude of drops of water, a cool breeze strokes her skin. She shivers, and when she opens her eyes, she is surprised that she is lying in her bed. Her legs and lower body are uncovered because part of her blanket has dropped over the edge. Teresa leans forward, picks it up and throws it over her legs. Now, she already feels much better. But it was not just the cold. Deep down, a sense of anxiety has remained. What might be its cause? She woke up from a dream in which she was floating in the sea and was flung on a beach by the surge. She was shaken by the impact, but her unease originated from a dream she had had earlier, a dream featuring Alastair. He kissed her farewell and then, walking away turned around waving once more, while at a distance on the opposite side of the road Sabrina appeared. She laughed showing two rows of perfect white teeth. Little golden ear-bands flashed among her blond curls, which, illuminated by the evening sun, shone in an orange tone and bobbed around her oval face like a lion´s mane. Under her hip-length unbuttoned black jacket she is wearing a form-fitting white top. Between it and her black trousers a narrow gap opens and closes in sync with her gait revealing a band of bronzed skin with a gemstone glittering in her navel.

Alastair and Sabrina, she thinks, while her heart contracts painfully. But it was just a dream. A nightmare. Anyway. Since Sabrina got one of the vacant positions as a doctoral candidate, the atmosphere has changed, for as the woman she is, she appeals to her colleagues as males. Now, you can hear the sound of banter and occasional loud laughter indicating Sabrina´s presence in the staff kitchen, even from a distance.

When they met in the kitchen or had lunch together before her time, Teresa felt comfortable because she was respected as a person. In other words, it didn´t matter so much that she was a woman. They talked about all kinds of things. When they discussed their work, she was in her element, but she also found it interesting, when they shared their thoughts about social and political topics or simply reported what they had done in their free time. The rapid back and forth of equivocal remarks in Sabrina´s presence, however, leaves her out of her depth. She is unsure when her colleagues cross the boundary to a flirt, and this fills her with a nagging inner unrest.

She has been together with Alastair for more than a year, now. Meanwhile, she stays over at his beautiful one-bedroom flat at the weekends and sometimes during the week, too. Only when she needs to be on her own does she retreat to her room in the shared flat.

Everyone on the team knows that they are a couple, although it is not immediately apparent. She prefers to keep a low profile at work. For her their love is a private matter, a bond between their souls, such as in these lines by John Donne, which Alastair printed out for her on a special card:

Our two souls therefore, which are one,

though I must go, endure not yet

a breach, but an expansion,

like gold to airy thinness beat.

How beautiful! With Sabrina on the scene, however, she is not so sure, anymore.

She can sometimes hardly hold herself back from enquiring, but she is aware that the spell of the words I love you! loses its power, when they are used too often. They agree on this. Besides, she takes care not to monopolize him, because he enjoys making new friends and getting a glimpse of their lives. It is as if he collected life stories. She, however, always struggles to overcome her reluctance, when someone new enters their familiar circle. But she gets along well with Fatima, the second doctoral candidate, with whom she shares her office, and with Mrs Lohr, Professor Feldmann´s secretary. When the women are by themselves, they often switch to more personal matters, which she likes.

She sighs. Feeling sad she permits herself to snuggle once more under her blanket, just for a few minutes, as she oughtn´t to arrive at the university too late. Because of the tiramisu she has to take the tram, which takes longer than riding there by bike. Resolutely, she sits up, pushes her blanket aside and swings her legs out of bed.

Coffee break

It is almost half past ten. Professor Dr Jakub Feldmann has locked his office door and is walking briefcase in hand along the corridor towards the staircase. From the office of his postdocs Rahul Sabharwal and Alastair Collins the sound of a lively conversation reaches his ear. A woman laughs out loud. Sabrina Kühnel. He stops by the open door looking in to say a few friendly words. Sabrina is seated on the long desk at the window between the two men, probably for lack of a third chair. She props herself up with her hands, while letting her legs dangle. They are clad in black nylon tights with her fitting black skirt covering the upper half of her thighs. As soon as she is aware of him, she sobers up and returns a friendly greeting. The two young men have also swivelled towards him: Rahul with his short black hair and regular dark features and Alastair, short strawberry blonde hair and a three-day stubble of a slightly darker hue around his pale square face.

‘I actually wanted a word with Teresa’, he says, ‘but she is giving her seminar, isn´t she? I´ll see her after the lunch break, then. I am off to a meeting, now.’

After he has walked off and with the sound of his steps fading, Sabrina says with marked formality:

‘Thank you for your assistance, Alastair. May I treat you to a cup of coffee?’

‘Okay’, Alastair replies, nonchalantly. ‘I could use a break.’

‘Let´s go to the cafeteria’, Sabrina suggests. ‘Their coffee tastes better, and they sell croissants. I haven´t had any breakfast, yet.’

Alastair accepted her proposal on impulse, which he now almost regrets. He is aware that Teresa wouldn´t be happy if she knew. Anyway, he would like to know more about this woman. As yet, there has never been any time or opportunity for a longer chat. When she came to see him in his office earlier on, she asked for his advice on a matter relating to her thesis, and they were having an interesting discussion. That´s what it should be like on a research team. And there is nothing wrong about taking a coffee break with this colleague, now, either.

The cafeteria is on the ground floor on the opposite side of the courtyard. While crossing over, he asks her a few follow-up questions. Then he pushes the entrance door open and gallantly lets her take the lead.

At this time of day only a few students are sitting at the tables with a cup and some documents or a laptop in front of them. As Sabrina and Alastair are the only customers, they proceed along the counter in no time and sit down at a table for two at one of the large shop windows: Sabrina with her croissant and a cup of coffee, Alastair, who is not hungry, with his cup of coffee.

‘Do you miss England?’ asks Sabrina.

‘No, mostly not’, Alastair answers curtly. ‘Just the short distances to the sea no matter where you are.’

Why is he so unsociable, now? Sabrina wonders. Is he already sorry for joining me here? Or have I touched a soft spot? Wanting to know more, she decides to dig deeper.

‘Where did you grow up?’ she asks.

Although Alastair does not like talking about his family, he pulls himself together and elaborates:

‘In Richmond just to the west of London, in a beautiful detached house, a Victorian villa. It was my grandfather´s property. He co-owned a small shipyard. But my father did not follow in his footsteps. He became a bank manager, and my mother is a lawyer. Besides, she is an excellent piano player. It is to her that I owe my love of music’, he says lost in thought. I order to tide over any suspicion that he might be sentimental he adds matter-of-factly:

‘Of course, I attended a private school. – And what about you?’

‘I was at a grammar school – a Gymnasium – in Munich’, Sabrina recounts. ‘My parents are doctors. My father is a surgeon and my mother a neurologist. Both are luminaries in their respective fields. They would have liked me to study medicine, too. But I did not reach the required marks.’

She stops and smiles archly, thus indicating that she was not particularly sad about this.

‘It was not just because of the marks, though,’ she continues. ‘It might sound strange, but not meeting the requirements finally set me free to do something else. You see, my parents worked really long hours. My brother and me, we were basically raised by our grandparents. At home they talked shop all the time. After graduating from school, I just wanted to leave home, leave Munich. Meanwhile, it is not only my parents. My brother is training to become a consultant, too. — And why didn´t you stay in England? I liked it there. I spent my year abroad in Liverpool studying at the University.’

Due to Sabrina´s frankness Alastair´s own reluctance has melted. She has struck a chord which has made him willing to reciprocate.

‘For similar reasons. I wanted to get to know another country, a different culture’, he elaborates. ‘While I was at school I wasn´t much interested in politics. We were well-off. I had all you could wish for. But when I started studying at Cambridge, I got in touch with independent-minded people. It was during the final years of Margaret Thatcher´s rule, the