The Manual for British Men E-Book

Chris McNab

• Herausgeber: The History Press
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014

Seitenzahl: 145

Beschreibung

Airmen and soldiers, knights and pages, gentlemen and rogues: to you we say stiffen your lip and tighten your sword belt! Tie down your trebuchets, wax your moustache and delve into this manliest of manuals, containing everything the well-bred British man needs to know. The Manual for British Men teaches day-to-day skills such as how to besiege a castle, fire a longbow, correctly clean a Maxim machine gun and capture an enemy trench; sporting sciences such as jousting, fencing and boxing (Queensbury Rules, of course); and domestic essentials such as how to hunt, kill, clean and cook a wild boar.

Leseprobe

I dedicate this book to my father,Brian McNab, who taught me the value of a good family,dogged hard work and an inappropriate sense of humour.

All images are courtesy of The History Press unless otherwise indicated.

First published 2014

This paperback edition first published 2023

The History Press

97 St George’s Place, Cheltenham,

Gloucestershire, GL50 3QB

www.thehistorypress.co.uk

© Chris McNab, 2014, 2023

The right of Chris McNab to be identified as the Author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the Publishers.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978 0 75095 928 5

Typesetting and origination by The History Press

Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ Books Limited, Padstow, Cornwall.

eBook converted by Geethik Technologies

CONTENTS

Chapter I:Defender of the Realm

Section One: Blood and Steel

Fire a musket

Fire a cannon

Biography: Warrior on a roll: John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough (1650–1722)

Use a longbow

Dress a warhorse

Fight with a longsword

Kill a knight

Set a booby trap for the Germans

Fight in the Celtic battle line

Crush the Vikings

Biography: Early British Defender: Harold II (c. 1020–66)

Form a shield wall

Perform a battlefield amputation

Launch a cavalry charge

Resist a cavalry charge

Biography: The Iron Duke: Wellington (1769–1852)

Fight with a pike

Dress like a knight

Section Two: Britain Needs You!

Fire a Vickers machine gun

Dig a frontline trench

Raid an enemy trench

Snipe across no-man’s-land

Avoid the snipers

Make a bayonet charge

Dispose of the dead

Avoid trench foot

Tunnel under enemy trenches

Lay a minefield

Feature: Top five causes of death in the Second World War

Strip a Bren Gun

Drive a Churchill tank

Section Three: Blue-Sky Warrior – Air Warfare

Land a biplane

Dogfight in a Spitfire

Use a bouncing bomb

Strafe a Panzer in a Typhoon

Escape a burning aircraft

Survive being shot down behind enemy lines

Man a Lancaster rear gun turret

Biography: Unstoppable airman: Douglas Bader (1910–82)

Section Four: The Ocean Wave – Sea Warfare

Take a depth sounding

Keelhaul an offender

Navigate using a sextant

Biography: Wanderer and Warrior: Francis Drake (c. 1540–c. 1596)

Climb rigging efficiently

Deal with a mutiny at sea

Avoid scurvy

Bury a body at sea

Surgery at sea

Make a fire ship and break enemy lines

Fire a full broadside

Biography: Trafalgar’s Victor: Lord Horatio Nelson (1758–1805)

Feature: Useful nautical phrases

Board an enemy ship

Detect a U-boat

Survive a shipwreck

Chapter II:British Food for British Men

Section One: Hunting

Kill a mammoth

Make a flint spear

Biography: Dinosaur Hunter: William Buckland (1784–1856)

Make a hunting bow

Kill a wild boar

Go hunting with a punt gun

Take part in a Victorian pheasant shoot

Form a ‘Pig Club’

Choose the best dog

Choose the best big game gun

Biography: Under African Skies: Frederick Selous (1851–1917)

Falconry – the noble pursuit

Hunt a bear

Section Two: Food and Drink

Prehistoric banquet

Feature: Five weird things eaten in Olde England

Cannibal Cooking

A meal fit for a king

Go foraging on campaign

Make the most of your trench rations

Brew medieval ale

Use the right cutlery at a Georgian banquet

The explorer’s menu

Chapter III:Adventures in the Empire

Section One: Dealing with the Locals

Plan a Grand Tour

Survive gang violence in Boston

Unseemly native customs to avoid

Useful phrases in the colonies

First contact with the natives

How to stand up to Native American torture

Hunt an orang-utan

Survival skills on exploration

Section Two: The Empire School for Business

Negotiate like a gentleman in India

Feature: Found a colony

Represent a rotten borough

Manage a tobacco plantation

Think like Brunel

Biography: Gambling Den: William Crockford (1775–1844)

Fact File: Tool of Empire: The East India Company

Chapter IV:An Englishman’s Home is his Castle

Section One: The Well-Planned Residence

Cave painting: How to / what to draw

Survive a siege

Defend your castle

Implement a siege

Storm a castle

Build a siege tower

Feature: Horse and home

Build a cathedral

Biography: Reaching to the heavens: Christopher Wren (1632–1723)

Build a frontier log cabin

Fact File: Create a well-stocked torture chamber

Section Two: Defending Hearth and Home

Smother an incendiary

Home front first aid

Defuse a UXB

Black out your home

Survive your bomb-damaged house

Build/equip an Anderson shelter

Chapter V:An Officer and a Gentleman

Section One: Mens Sana in Corpore Sano

The Charles Atlas fitness regime

Rugger as a way to manliness

Behave appropriately in the officers’ mess

Take the waters

Queensberry Rules of Boxing

Win in the joust

Fight in the melee

Section Two: A Matter of Honour

Duel with swords

Biography: Stranger in a Strange Land: Richard the Lionheart (1157–99)

Duel with pistols

Conversational rules for the gentleman

How and when to shake hands

Pipe smoking etiquette/rules

Best insults from history

Purchase a commission

Rouse a country to war

Section Three: Attracting the Fairer Sex

Write a Victorian love letter

Manage your moustache

Feature: The disastrous marriages of Henry VIII

Select an appropriate wife

How to pay suitable compliments

Write a love poem

Biography: Society Temptress: Kitty Fisher (d. 1767)

Win over the family

The gentleman’s stag night

Biography: The Tortured Poet: Lord Byron (1788–1824)

Section Four: Wardrobe Hints for British Men

The vigorous codpiece

Dress like a dandy

Biography: Immaculate Conception: Beau Brummell (1778–1840)

Dress like a Viking king

Feature: Items worn by a medieval king

Dress like a Redcoat

Dress for dinner

Shine your shoes like a soldier

Wet shave

Choose an appropriate wig

Select a top hat

Chapter I

DEFENDER OF THE REALM

Section One

Blood and Steel

•  FIRE A MUSKET  •

Handling your ‘Brown Bess’ Land Pattern Musket well is often all that keeps you from death at the hands of some enraged heathen foe. To load and fire smartly, first take out a paper cartridge (containing powder and ball) and tear off the top with your teeth – don’t worry, you’ll quickly get a taste for cordite. Pull back the hammer to half cock, lift the frizzen and prime the pan (the metal hollow beneath the hammer) with a little powder; close the frizzen quickly to stop losing your powder to the wind or rain. Now stand Bess upright, and pour the rest of the powder down the barrel. You’re left with a section of empty paper containing the musket ball. Musket ball first, drop this into the barrel, and use your ramrod to tap the whole lot down, tight as the drummer’s snare skin. Now present your musket to the shoulder, pull back the hammer to full cock, and take aim. All being well, pulling the trigger will yield smoke, fire and one fewer enemy to worry about.

•  FIRE A CANNON  •

There’s no standing on ceremony when firing a cannon – lively teamwork is of the essence. You are one of five numbered gunners – the No. 1 gun commander, of course. First step – your No. 2 spongeman uses his sponge to clear out any remnants from the previous shot, including those glowing embers that might prematurely detonate the next charge. The No. 3 loader now gets to business, inserting a charge of powder (contained in a paper bag) then a ball, which the No. 2 rams down using a 12ft-long rammer stick. While he is doing so, the No. 4 ventsman places his thumb over the vent hole at the rear – we don’t want air rushing into the vent to fan any flames left alive in the barrel. The gun’s getting lively now. The ventsman pushes a long needle down through the vent hole, puncturing the gunpowder bag and exposing the power. Now a slow match is inserted down through the vent hole. The moment has come. Death is levelled at the serried ranks at our front, the slow match is lit, and with a deafening ‘crump’, a cannonball splits air and men.

♦

WARRIOR ON A ROLL: JOHN CHURCHILL,1ST DUKE OF MARLBOROUGH (1650–1722)

♦

The 1st Duke of Marlborough, John Churchill, is famous for both his military genius and his famous descendants. Churchill saw the rise and fall of five British monarchs during his career (under whom he also rose and fell in favour due to his shifting alliances), but his greatest supporter would be Queen Anne, who was a close friend of his wife, Sarah Jennings. Churchill secured great military victories for his queen, most notably during the War of the Spanish Succession (1701–14) – raise your glasses for his victories at Blenheim (1704), Ramillies (1706), Oudenarde (1708), and Malplaquet (1709). It was under his giant personality that the Allied forces were honed into a united and well-regarded army, developing the status and wealth of his beloved Britain. What true Brit could ask for more?

•  USE A LONGBOW  •

Scourge of the French at Agincourt (1415), the longbow – at beween 5 and 6ft in length, and with a draw weight of up to 185lb – is not a weapon for the weak. That’s why you were chosen – your powerful arms and shoulders and your barrel chest make you an ideal archer. Anyway, no time to waste, as the enemy is gathering. Raise up your bow, with stave in the left hand and string in the right, body oriented toward the enemy. Take an arrow, with either a bodkin head (for tackling plate armour and mail) or broadhead (for deep penetration into the body), and nock the rear of the arrow onto the bowstring; the front shaft of the arrow is resting on the bow-hand knuckle. Use three fingers to draw the string, the arrow resting between forefinger and middle finger (keep the fingers spaced enough so they aren’t pinched between string and arrow at full draw). Hold the bow low, then draw by opening out the chest and shoulders powerfully while raising the bow and pulling back on the drawstring – no trembling now, just one smooth movement until the thumb of the draw hand touches your earlobe. Keep your eye on the target at all times, and apply the correct aim and elevation. Don’t hold this position for more than three seconds, or muscle fatigue will weaken aim and shot. Instead, release the string cleanly, pushing back with your elbow to sharpen the loose. Your arrow is now in flight, delivering whistling death over 400yds.

•  DRESS A WARHORSE  •

Your destrier won’t be alive long on the medieval battlefield unless you apply the requisite barding (armour for horses). The face is protected by a plate armour champron, ideally with hinged cheek pieces. The criniere shields the neck, the peytral the chest, the croupier guards those muscular hind quarters (the horse will get decidedly frisky with an arrow in those) and the flanchard shields the flanks. Thus clad, your horse should be able to thunder through arrow, spear and sword. For appropriate grandeur, drape the entire armoured beast in a caparison (a long decorative cloth), and action beckons on thundering hooves. Both you, and the horse, may not live out the day, but at least you’ll ride into death looking magnificent.

•  FIGHT WITH A LONGSWORD  •

The longsword is a brutish instrument, perfect for cleaving a Frenchman or Spaniard in two. But, at nearly 50in long, it takes mind and muscle to wield effectively. If facing an armoured opponent, don’t slash with the edge of the blade at the enemy’s armour plate – all you’ll achieve is a blunt, dead sword. Instead, drive the point of the blade home into those soft, unprotected areas between the joints of the armour, such as the face, armpit and joint of the elbow. Assist the thrust, and make it more accurate, with a hand near the point of the blade – this is known as ‘half swording’ – and lean your body weight forward. You’ll know that you’ve hit home when the blood flows, so be prepared to kick your victim off the blade and move on to the next.

•  KILL A KNIGHT  •

Just because you’re a humble infantryman doesn’t mean you can’t take on one of those knights, gleaming in their armour on horseback. First, you might get the archers to nobble him at range – one of those bodkin head arrows, fired from a good longbow, can sometimes punch straight through armour into the knight’s noble heart. If he gets through to your lines, however, work together with your mates. Drag him from the horse with the ‘thorn’ of your halberd (a long, two-handed pole weapon with fearsome blade and a snagging spike), and once he’s on the floor, all cumbersome and struggling in the mud, thrust the point of your halberd straight into a soft part. On the other hand, get close and you can slip your stiletto knife between the joints of his armour, doing some nasty work inside. Either way, 200 years of martial family tradition isn’t going to save him.

•  SET A BOOBY TRAP FOR THE GERMANS  •

Here’s an easy way of repurposing ration tins and taking out a handful of Boche in one go. Fix two tin cans to two trees on opposite sides of a track. Keep the cans low, about jackboot height. Now take a standard Mills grenade and pull the pin – by all that’s holy be careful: don’t release that pin, whatever you do. Now push the grenade into one of the cans, so the pin is held in nicely by the metal wall. Do the same with the other can and another grenade. You’re nearly there – string a thin wire between the bodies of the two grenades (rub the wire with a little dirt; you don’t want its shine giving away your booby trap). Now leave well alone. The idea is that the German comes sauntering along, trips the wire which pulls the grenades from the cans, releasing the pins. Four seconds later – boom, job done.

•  FIGHT IN THE CELTIC BATTLE LINE  •

To fight alongside the Celts against the Romans, cast aside your humanity. You’re armed with all manner of hacking and smashing weapons – short sword, longsword, two-handed hammer, battle axe – and the only way you’re going to use them is to get close enough to the enemy to feel his dying breath. (Make sure your sword is in singing condition – many Celtic blades are apt to snap or bend as soon as they strike something solid.) You’re not armoured, so you can move fast, and you need the speed – the Roman line will be disciplined and well protected, so you have to overwhelm it in a frenzied attack referred to by the Romans as the ‘the Furor Celtica’ (Celtic fury). Cross the ground fast, close with the enemy ranks and go beserk, hacking and slashing at anything that moves or speaks funny. If the Romans surge back, or unleash their archers, form a robust shield wall and don’t let them in. Hold firm, cut hard, and you’ll win the day.

•  CRUSH THE VIKINGS  •

They’re merciless Norsemen from across the sea, but they can be defeated if you think with your head and fight with your arm. Take the Battle of Stamford Bridge (1066), the victory of King Harold Godwinson over Harald Hardrada, King of Norway (and Tostig, brother of King Harold, treacherously allied to the Vikings). The Vikings made mistakes – they split their army on both sides of the River Derwent, and left much of their armour on their ships. Those on the west side were annihilated by an English attack, but the English onslaught was slowed by having to cross a bridge to the east side. There the Vikings made a shield wall, but the English formed up, locked shields and charged. The battle raged for hours, and eventually English spirit (and outflanking manoeuvres) triumphed over Viking aggression. The Viking line broke, Hardrada and Tostig were slain, and the myth of Viking invincibility was sunk like a leaky longboat.

♦

EARLY BRITISH DEFENDER: HAROLD II (c. 1020–66)

♦

The last Anglo-Saxon ruler of England, Harold II had earlier inherited the Earldom of East Anglia from his father, but had fallen into dispute with his brother, Tostig. Medieval warrior families weren’t known for their loyalty, and Tostig joined forces with Harald Hardrada of Norway, who contested the English crown as well as William, Duke of Normandy. However, the handsome and courageous Harold was crowned King of England after the death of Edward the Confessor in January 1066. He would not have long to enjoy his reign, first facing Harald Hardrada and Tostig at Stamford Bridge near York in September 1066, before confronting William less than a month later at Hastings. The battle at Hastings was hard and close-matched as both sides struggled to gain the advantage, but the Normans under William the Conqueror finally took the field. The exact cause of Harold’s death is unknown, but history prefers an arrow to the eye, as seen in the famous Bayeux Tapestry. After that, life would never be the same for Old England.

•  FORM A SHIELD WALL  •