Before the age of 28 E-Book

Prachurya Bharadwaj

• Herausgeber: Europa Edizioni
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

The name Prachurya means Goddess of wealth in ancient Sanskrit. True to that meaning, Prachurya Bharadwaj the author, has accumulated herself an ocean of experiences, that very few 28-year-olds would fathom.

She didn’t just stop at one post-graduate degree in engineering but pursued another one, then some more professional courses after that. At 21, when she went abroad to study, she found internship opportunities in one country, created a start-up in another followed by full-time positions, then again in another country where she bought her first house. This book is a story of her defeating all odds, taking proactive measures, rising above those who thought too little of her, healing herself of continuous traumas stacked over the ones from her childhood. 

Today she works in the Netherlands as a technical lead for development of unique technology, that should ascertain the leadership of ASML in the semiconductor industry. This exciting read is only a part of her story, going from the age of around 7 until 28, when she perceived that this was the pinnacle of her success.

Her upcoming books will contain the story of what happens after that epitome of success. You guessed it right. She keeps achieving more.

Leseprobe

Prachurya Bharadwaj

BEFORE THE AGE OF 28

Defying biology, gender norms, societal norms

© 2022 Europe Books| London www.europebooks.co.uk | [email protected]

ISBN 9791220130394

First edition: November 2022

BEFORE THE AGE OF 28

Defying biology, gender norms, societal norms

Dedicated to expats and professionals who travel and while they do so,

they experience the world in a more holistic manner that

challenges the commoner's understanding of the world.

I thank everybody who touched my life at any phase. Each human interaction made me become more whole. Some of those connections became friends and some became acquaintances.

Some did not leave pleasant memories

but stimulated more love for myself, more determination to embark on this journey of self-actualization.

As it seems, I will continue to develop layers of new interests and passion and continue to build on that wholeness. So, for anybody I have met and have had a small conversation with, your time spent with me helped me.

Please know that.

Philippians 4: 7. KJV: And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through

Christ Jesus.

Preface

I am a female writer but certainly not limited to conventionally perceived feminine experiences and interests. My stories are about bursting some new doors open for myself, winning competitions against my own self, winning life, achieving success and personal growth through every curve ball that life throws. These factors cannot be circumscribed to one gender. Hence, I speak to both men and women. Do not put this book down. Keep reading. You will either love it from the first chapter or learn to see the world through it by the final chapter. Many of the statements I make about my behaviour and thought processes, also of others', are intensively researched to give a scientific base to this book.

I hail from the Indian metropolitan city of Guwahati. There, I had a disciplined catholic convent school upbringing until age 16 and thereafter, lived in 3 different states of India and further after, lived, earned degrees and earned more than average salaries in three other countries (two continents). Today, I see my life as a giant logbook towards an experiment of how one can take charge of one's fate, by taking simple good decisions every day. Even the decision to write a book while being trapped in a lockdown, carrying out a home renovation on the side and keeping my full-time career on track, was a small good decision that I had to adhere to, for a while to get the finest results. But choosing to persevere each day, and not to give up, was a continual series of good decisions. My story is as much relevant for the European public as is for Indians, Far East Asians, Americans and Oceaneans (if that can ever be a word). It is relevant because I write about harnessing the power of my mind, and every one of us is equipped with one of those things. I do not provide mind game strategies or meditation techniques. I provide examples of good and bad choices. I also do not preach running after success at the cost of one’s morality, one’s friendships, one’s serenity in life. I know and have experienced that success follows the one who is serene, away from conflicts and separated from people who do not think alike.

I do not cater to every person and neither have I ever related well with every "average" Joe or Jane. I am sure I am not alone. So, I hope my book reaches the right people and we can take comfort in each other's life experiences. Let us remind ourselves that we do not need to worry about what anybody says. Because it turns out good for those who dare to know themselves early on in their lives. I try to prove this statement through examples from my life, others' lives and some scientific papers on Neurology and Psychiatry.

By the way, if you become one of my loyal readers, it is because you think differently and show ambitions. This means you will encounter two types of new acquaintances. Category 1 are those who get reminded of how worse off they are in their lives and become vindictive towards us. Category 2 are who thinks, "Wow! Interesting character" or “good to see such people” or “nice!”.

Please read my story as a piece of art enveloped in behavioural science, garnished in humour, sarcasm, pain, as I describe my story of self-realization. I could make it bland and factual, or I could make it informal and invite you to picture the scenes. During those days of writing seriously, for this book, I would get memories before falling asleep, in the middle of my sleep, during exercise, while conversing with people. I would then write down everything in my phone's notepad and later on include them in classified chapters here. While I was nearing the end of this book, I wanted to spin it into a book that comprises research on my statements after actually making those statements. Because I wanted to know if my observations were correctly analysed by me. It depends on the reader to find out and connect the pieces of my mind to see my story. You will either have a lot of fun and read it many times or hate it because you cannot comprehend why people should ‘run after success’. That question is also answered here, along with the right amount of research literature available out there. You will find a woman who has had a varied life before she hit 27 and yet managed to keep herself away from horrific life choices. Her rock-bottom was just having to socialize with people who cannot uplift themselves, let alone help out the ego of an ambitious mind. This book is all about achievements and being defined by them, proving these claims through scientific research of 60-80 years.

I researched various disciplines like anthropology, psychology, psychiatry, nutrition, biochemistry, neurology, human behavioural science and just books in general. That is why this book doesn’t give a tunnel vision of one way of thinking and only one way of looking at matters.

This book is written in straightforward sentences, meant for cosying up by the fireplace. It is not written with scientific and legal terminologies instead in an informal, explanatory language. Meant as an auto-biography to begin with, this is now turning into a series of memoirs specifically on the topic of a working woman in tech.

By February 2021, when I decided after conversing with several editors and publishers, that I would concentrate the theme of the book to be within women in tech, I made a Google search on the number of books specifically dedicated to such a genre. It was significantly minimal. I also typed the words ‘career woman’ because somehow, as a 9-year-old kid, I was mesmerized by these words and wanted to experience such a phenomenon. Google, however, was a disconsolate storehouse of pessimistic words associated with the phrase career women. Wikipedia describes a career woman as somebody who has no other motivation except to work. Sad, concerning, despondent world we live in. I cannot bring up children in a world where loving a career is seen as a negative demeanour for women.

On many occasions, my topics of conversations where I mention my career and education, a lot, were not received well by people. Of course, that says a lot about them. While many people said that being from India encouraged me to such roles, others said I was fortunate, while others defended themselves by saying that for them, family is more important. I couldn’t understand any of them. A man never has to choose between loving a CAD software and his family? A man is never accused of running after money if he talks about his job in social settings. A man never has to slow down when he talks passionately about what he does for a living. Why should I? Why should anybody?

My daughter will grow up in a world to which I contributed in terms of finances, technological advances and very importantly, culture. I shall write my story (in a sequence of books published one after another). The first book will contain my story about becoming an engineer and taking immense pride in what I do for 8 fixed hours, per day. This is called a career. Be mindful, it is not a job but a career. I work in the technology of the future. I am one of those people who contribute towards future technological advancements. I love my work and I cannot even for a second, think of any other career path that will make me this joyous, peaceful and truthful to my being. So, I shall write. I shall write why it is a blessing to have this life and how a 14-year-old can already prepare for this life. I shall write because I have opinions, experiences, passion and, therefore, I have a voice that I shall use.

Chapter One. Let's get acquainted

In an ordinary semi-sunny day during June'2017, I look down from the ferry that crosses the Oslofjord from Horten in the county of Vestfold in Norway to the county of Østfold. I stand there contemplating whether or not to jump into the massive, partially frozen ocean. Some onlookers looked at me and kept an eye on me because they correctly read my facial expression and the intense look towards the sea. They read my body language as somebody beaten up by life, who gave up and can't walk anymore. At that moment, thankfully, my sense of humour kicks in, telling me, "Am I even gonna die or

just be frozen if I manage to jump?"

This is how manipulation and lies affect a person, to the extent of ripping them off their dignity entirely. No, I am not talking about romantic affair problems. I am speaking for any devastating deceitful circumstance that a person confronts. Chapter six will contain the story of this. For now, enjoy the read!

* * *

Why do people dread thirty?

I have seen some people often dread, grow weary, grow anxious and even reach a point of complete desperation once they hit thirty. It was as if they had never thought about life, existence, responsibilities or even the mere idea of how the world works beyond going to the local supermarket. Surely, one must have planned something, planned for some ambition or even may have generated some sort of life-plan? Some people do and some do not. Those who do not, they reach thirty and truly panic with this crippling fear of the future.0F1

In this age of acceptance, superficial compassion and social justice warriors, we find numerous sources telling us that it is okay to be who we are and we do not need anybody's approval. Some stretch it far enough to say that we do not even need a job to be considered an active member of the society. Some say, we alone are not responsible for our actions but the way the society conditions us. However, throughout those years of travelling and settling in different cultural zones, I find that the educational system of any country fails those who are driven, more capable and more energetic towards new skills and knowledge. No matter which country one goes to, the educational system is based on memory and answering questions exactly as found in the book or what the teacher says so. The teachers simply do not want to spend time reading anything ‘creative’, no matter how much they oppose this statement. Because adults do not expect much from young kids. I understand them. Since 90% of the students will not go ahead and become CEOs, surgeons or top-notch lawyers statistically, it also makes sense to have an education system that will enable the average and below-average students to graduate. The consequence being a section of gifted children, thinking differently, left behind to feel unheard, unwanted and

even bullied for their unrecognized brilliance (by their peers). But life will bring them up. With adequate social skills and enthusiastic survival instincts, these gifted children can achieve anything. With a decade of being a foreigner and a survivor in different countries, while I engaged in numerous life experiences, I also learned that a higher IQ will not bring one happiness unless one also learns to adapt to their surroundings, say the right words with empathy at the right time and convey their message clearly without costing their friendships with anybody. Because all the money and intelligence in the world is valueless if one doesn't receive appreciation from one's social circle. Inadequate social behaviour has left several people feeling ineffectual, meagre and hopeless, even though they are aware of their skills. This will ultimately lead to a very low self-esteem. This I speak from experience because, the moment I learned to be social and deal with divergences of opinions (still learning more everyday), my ability to believe in myself also increased manifold because I felt likeable and hence, got included in social groups of different cultures. Of course, I stumbled across some people who did not understand my background, my skills, my ambitions and my education. It bothered me massively because my personality is one that soaks in the energy of people appreciating my warmth and witty conversation skills. Gradually I learned that one has to be up to a certain mark for themselves to appreciate the

value in others.1F2,2F3,3F4

Intelligence isn't separable from meticulousness. Meticulousity begins at a young age when a child learns to organise one's time, studies, projects, hobbies, agenda for the day, sleep, etc. Some gifted children are very good at planning their days. While many sharp minded children who aren’t great with planning and listening to advice, they're ruthless, disorganised in their learning habits and get categorized as a trouble maker, ADHD kid, naughty kid or a terrible case kid. Of course, one can change one's destiny at many pivotal moments. I did as well. Keep reading this book to see how every day is a new beginning and new opportunity to make a better tomorrow. But it was indeed a very sad transition for me to go from the image of a good kid to a bad kid. I did not have a single adult who could understand me, guide me well or even consider aligning their thoughts with mine. I see so many adults these days spending so much of their energy on kids who are on severe stages of depression, self-harm, demotivation and general lack of focus. But when I was going through that stage of finding myself, finding meaning in my studies and trying to jump back on to the horse after slipping a few times, I never received any compassion or understanding from my family or teachers. They blamed and verbally abused me to such extent that I was left with a very unhappy conscience and an image of being undeserving of any love. My eldest sibling, on many occasions mentioned that I was useless, got no value, a total slut and should die. Yes, he said that. But hey!!! I became my own mother, my own father and my own guide through that sea of teenage hormones, misguided

4The Social Perceptions Of The Highly Intelligent Robert J. Fossum Fort Hays State University.

opinions of others and complete loss of self on many occasions. It was a dirty muddy puddle of crud calumny that I had to revive through and therefore, I love my life today and appreciate every decision I took. My decisions have helped me come very far, very successfully. On the other hand, when I allowed others’ opinions to influence me, I was rather depressed and demotivated to fight the good fight. I was able to love myself, adore myself, keep my head above water and defy the odds of many kinds, by focusing on one matter and one matter only. A beautiful, glorious, lovable, respectful career. My career in technology. My career in engineering. My career in innovation.

Who is this book for?

This is an auto-biographical document, hoping to reach enough people around the world. I am looking to cater to overachievers and young entrepreneurial individuals, to let them know that they simply need to hold on and never let go. Entrepreneurial (adjective) characterized by the taking of financial risks in the hope of profit; enterprising.

Because although the road looks dark, lonely and tiresome at times, the fruits of that road are sweeter than any other. Why do I mention such a niche audience? Because I can relate to those overachieving kids at school or college, people who just know one thing in life and that is to bust some move and make things happen, people who go out and get that trophy. I am not here to give them an easy road to do those things. I am not here to dampen anybody from their goals and tell them that they are loved just as they are. I am also not here to solidify the norms that achievements are only a way to fill an endless void. No! Achievements are golden figurines in one's room of life. Achievements will be the reason you will hopefully not be divorced by 50 because you will have enough of self-esteem to wait for the right partner, to listen to your partner, resolve matters of the heart and not get hurt at every disagreement. For mothers, their personal achievements will be the reason their family will respect them even when they are in charge of all of the family’s dirty laundry (literally and figuratively). Achievements will be the reason you will wake up every morning with a good night's sleep. Now you will say, people should respect each other no matter what. It is true, theologically and from a liberalist utopian perspective. But the world isn't a campus of liberal arts college or a church sermon. I am here to explain how I managed my time, energy, dreams and ambitions, to respect myself in every single aspect, know my worth, accept nothing less and sometime in the future, if I fall, I will not fall too hard or too soon. Maybe you can find some hidden

tricks and motivation as well. Who knows?4F4,5F5,6F6

You know how many times in my life, have I wanted to write a book? About 10 times before this attempt. I actually wrote a book last year in 2019. But once again, the audience I wanted to cater to in that book, wasn't 100 percent relatable. I wanted to expand my audience and write for "everybody" but I realised it stopped my

flow. So that book never got published because I wasn't true to myself. Today I sit in my home office at 17:00 CET in Eindhoven, during the COVID-19 lockdown. It is June the 4th 2020, the day I began with this book. I hear some music from my neighbours as I write this. Life feels complete. Life feels worth it now, to write about it and share my story but also to encourage people to keep being driven, outrageous and adventurous. At times, you may be convicted of not doing enough. But trust me, that is a good thing. There is something in you that is trying to get you out of a rut. Take the bait and get convicted. Yet, this book also discusses the downside of an extremely productive and creative mind, if the flame isn’t controlled and tamed to let loose, little by little.

Another reason why I will write this book is to let you know that certain mental health issues can be preserved, salvaged and turned around. While I cannot speak for extreme cases like schizophrenia and bipolar disorders, I can speak about depression, fatigue, anxiety, crippling social anxiety, sleep disorders and anger. This book will exemplify how all of these issues can be solved by putting in your best efforts to be a better version of yourself than yesterday and putting in all the work you can today, so that you do not turn 30 and still lament about being bullied as a child. I speak of this from my perspective of living in Europe, where the words anxiety, bullying and depression are overused and at times incorrectly used to shy away from taking responsibility for one’s actions. Why read this book? This book will give you many examples of perseverance, focus, commitment and revising your

demeanour for the best version of yourself.7F8,8F9,9F7,10F8

While the book cover may call upon women, this book talks about many struggles that humanity goes through as a species because these struggles exist due to continuous adaptation throughout the changes around us. One of those struggles is our collected fealty to choose and to choose wisely for ourselves and those around us. People who learn to choose wisely from their past related experiences or through observations from the people around them, simply reach a point of reference in their personal achievement story, faster. Life is too short to make new mistakes every day and most people without a brain injury wouldn’t commit the same mistakes or very relatable ones, too often. The left hemisphere of a person’s brain already sets a record of right and wrong for one’s actions11F9.

8

World Psychiatry. 2017 Feb; Reversing the downward spiral for people with severe mental illness through educational innovations. Marc de Hert& Johan Detraux. 9

Nutritional psychiatry: Towards improving mental health by what you eat.

European Neuropsychopharmacology Volume 29, Issue 12, December 2019. Roger A.H.AdanEline M.van der BeekJan K.BuitelaarJohn F.CryanJohannes HebebrandSuzanne HiggsHarriet SchellekensSuzanne L.Dickson.

Only conscious but educated choices are empowering

With the ability to choose, comes a voice. Most people have a voice these days. The internet has created a new democracy, the democracy of opinions and freedom of expression in a million different ways. But since the dawn of mankind, thereafter creation of settlements and soon thereafter with individual and mass enlightenment, subsequently distribution of literature, consecutively financial empowerment through exchange of labour/skill, people are enslaved. They are enslaved by their own choices of partners, friends, habits, work, studies, hobbies or lack of them all. I have now lived in 4 democratic countries (by myself, since age 16, while I collected degrees, work experiences and life skills). Each of them has its own ways of keeping the right knowledge away from their public. A lot of information that leads to good career choices, cultural understanding, historical understanding, nutritional advantage, basic information on the political parties and the citizen’s additional rights (after the right to vote and re-elect the government in power) are not very well distributed to the citizens and residents. At schools, they do teach a good amount of history, science, mathematics, but people seem to forget everything right after they can call themselves high school graduates. I do find it interesting because I remember learning many amazing concepts on how the world works, back in school and those concepts formed a basis for me to collect more knowledge through books, conversations, personal experiences. Like I mentioned earlier, with enough of survival skills, intelligence shall drizzle through a person’s actions. The neurons will work it all out. As was in my case. You will read.

As for the topic of finding oneself and reversing certain mental health disorders, through good choices, in the previous paragraphs, you will find evidence of how I managed to tame a disturbed mind into a strong capable one by learning to manage the intricacies of my very own thought processes. I have suffered from chronic anxiety, forgetfulness, fogginess, extreme worrying, over-analysing every encounter with people, for a decade and more. My personality is such that social situations influence me and my moods, in fact. Being alone is not the problem that I face. My social encounters (since the last decade) have always been with people who never met me or are just getting to know me. All they see are my skin colour, hair, eyes, height. They do not know what this brain has been able to achieve. If you read one of my favourite books by a brain scientist called Jill Bolte Taylor, on page 106 in the book called A stroke of insight, contains stories of how people touched her life during early recovery days after a haemorrhage in the left hemisphere of her brain. Their words reinforced her willingness to try to recover her brain’s functions. She mentions at a later stage how it is a matter of willingness to train one’s brain to function in a certain manner, learn new skills or recover from a trauma. As for my story, there was a constant need to introduce myself and explain my motives, my background and myself while I lived as an expat (although tax-paying, legal resident with the official status of highly skilled migrant in my residence cards). Introducing myself again and again, made me feel hideous, horrible and most definitely disgusted of myself on several occasions. I cannot help it. I couldn’t have helped it. Because people looked at me and saw a dark-skinned skinny petite woman. They expected not much but a refugee or a flimsy girl who married a European guy for his money and when I showed prowess in my personality by revealing my education and my background, they would bring up stereotypes enveloped with weird questions that have absolutely no relation with the truth and far away from any research done by themselves on that topic. Now at the age of 28, I stand tall as a woman who has defied every biological urge to get married and have kids in her twenties. I have defied the general perception that woman cannot earn a lot of money, work in technology, be creative, be talkative, be happy and be attractive at the same time. I have defied social norms of dark-skinned women being the oppressed minority who cannot speak for themselves. Of course, I am not the first and I shouldn’t be, because we live in the 21st Century. I hence, know who I am. I have good answers to people who I meet for the first time to set the boundaries of respect and expectations there and then. I tell everybody that I truly have the best life ever and I do. How did I get to this point when I was so anxious and depressed only 3 years ago? I trained my brain to expect good things and true enough, good things started happening to me. This was without reading any book or going to any psychiatrist or life coach, by the way. I also learned to see the goodness in others and myself, all the more. Inevitably, people liked to be around me and I had the ability to like them back as long as they know my boundaries and as long as they behave the way they should behave around me, I am their friend, their comrade, the wind beneath their wings. So, I can safely say that I used my freedom to choose my life’s route well. There were many hundred obstacles on the way. I chose to either fight or create a way around. I educated myself while I made those choices and vice versa as my choices enlightened me.

Believe it

Yeah, I suppose it is never too late. But why even be a little late? The sooner one takes charge, one would want to change one’s life, the faster he/she develops, learns, grows, achieves and recognizes more changes to be made, if necessary. It is all about if one wants things to change. It is easy to say it and easy to say it out loud to appease others, but one has to believe it. You have to believe that you can heal from the past or you can get that degree and pursue that career. You must believe that you can be happily married, live happily, live truthfully. You have to believe that people will like you just as you are. I will at least write down my version of following this habit from my own life follies, successstories and experiences or even stories of horror and success of others. Once you want something deeply, undeniably, with all your heart and soul, your brain automatically provides you with directions and you see the solutions to your puzzles, dilemmas and hiccups, because your brain is seeking out information and content for granting yourself a way-out of the current situation. On the other hand, mental health issues will mask your abilities to see those "opportunities" and will cripple your thoughts mercilessly. Hence, recognizing the patterns of mental health issues, recognizing those emotions and taking measures to lower those triggers that cause your brain to not support you, is crucial to your overall development. I also conclude, through literature reviews and my own experiences with anxious un-well people, that mental health is crucial to the relationships you have with other people and how you

either make them happy or not.12F10,13F11,15

At age 9, I had seen a vision. To be honest, I am living that vision right now. It is my reality today. In fact, at age 9, I dreamt of going far away from my family, in a far-away land, completely away from my native traditions and culture that would enslave my decisions. I dreamed of a big house, all by myself. I dreamed of a career that would give me life. I am living that dream today as a proud woman in tech. But you would see, my dear reader, that life throwed many curved balls at me (aka opinions of others manifesting themselves as my reality) and I had to remind myself of that vision I saw as a 9-year-old girl. Things aligned well, soon after that reminder to self from self. Once I taught my brain to believe that only good things will come my way, only good things were significant enough to be a part of my life story.

Personal space to grow

Virginia Woolf wrote an extended essay called, "A Room of One's Own", in September 1929. She simply highlighted the importance of having the ability to sit down and concentrate in a space, without needing to tend to any other chores. Many people do not have such a "luxury", rather they deny themselves this provision of having a room to themselves, physically and metaphorically. As for myself, my literal room of my own began at a very young age of 9. I loved being by myself, reading, taking afternoon naps, solving mathematical exercises from courses that haven’t even begun yet and even writing fiction. At the age of 9, I gained consciousness from a state of foggy, dreamy childhood clad with my nanny’s love and care. My nanny left. I got depressed. Something inside of me rose up after a pivotal experience of failure and I made it my life’s mission to snatch all the happiness in this world. The sky was the limit, the mind was the only limitation, possibilities expanded as I did not cease to seize and two decades later, I did it all. I feel content, proud and have a good idea of who I am. I am a woman in tech. I am a good friend to those who know me a little. I am a good colleague. I am assertive to those who would try to undermine me and I am truly goofy to those who have a clear heart. There are a few chips on my shoulders which I very well earned and they keep me balanced because I want to balance them as I walk in this world, without any fear of the future because I have fought many battles in the past. The one thing I have known is, when we doubt ourselves, others perceive us as broken. When we are content with the efforts we put in, speak the right words and talk the right talk, others will be forced to admire something in us. That admiration, however, cannot be forced out of everyone. Only selective people will be able to estimate the value of a diamond. But the shine from the diamond does not fade.

Does it?

Please look up Virginia Woolf’s, ‘A Room of One’s Own’. A physical space to work in represents more than simply a room. It represents the ability to sit down with your thoughts, your ideas and be in touch with yourself. It allows you to not be disturbed by things not relevant to the work you are doing now. It represents your ability to live for yourself without having to cater to another human or any tasks irrelevant to your interests. The sooner in life you practice living in your personal space, the easier it is for people to be disciplined. Since age 9, when I would sit down with my books, notebooks, pen, pencils, later on replacing them with a laptop or tablet and stick to a spot for the whole day, throughout all the chaos around me, be it my study table, a coffee shop or somebody else's home or even a mall, people would be amazed at my ability to concentrate, throughout the ages of 9 to 28. I could get a lot done. I could research, write emails, shop, book tickets, sign contracts, send resumes, build websites, participate in online studies, even have interviews, if I wanted to. It is all about if I wanted to. What limited me were those specific intentions for that phase of my life. However, intentions and goals are the reason I could sit down and carry on with the job at hand.

My office space

The thing about hitting 30

I began this chapter with the topic of hitting thirty. Yeah, I went through that crippling fear of 30, when I hit the age of 26 (2 years back). Something happens to you when you cross 25. You want ageing to cease. You may want to colonize every moment and enjoy it to the fullest, lose track of your ambitions and regret later on or you may, as a contrast, get aggressively responsible, like I did.

I suppose I stopped heavily partying from the age of 24. Pretty early, but it is better to get that out of the way. I found no use of these large drunken adventures, which are primarily, a northern European cultural phenomenon. Traditionally, workers from factories or peasants working in the fields, used to drink several days endlessly during the week and the weekend, to simply have a good night's sleep and then wake up the next morning, to do some routine work that requires very little thinking and strategy. My time, as a student in

Norway, made me realize how meaningless it is to get drunk with a room full of strangers with music so heavy that you cannot talk to anybody. It is a blatant lie that people need these parties in college/university, to socialize. As educated individuals, the sooner you learn that lesson in your life, the faster you form a piece of your identity without alcohol and social pressure to "fitin". Now I drink with friends at the comfort of my own sofa with people I already know. We talk, get tipsy, have discussions on world politics and then eat a lot of food with the alcohol. The same goes with having conversations when I am sober. I just have to be careful with my conversation partners in general. Because conversations affect one’s mood, consequently one’s days. I made the mistake of talking and discussing world politics with my previous neighbour in my previous rental apartment who is manically depressed (as diagnosed) and probably even on the verge of dementia. That was a bad choice of company. In my defence, I was new to the Netherlands and knew not a soul, lost my purse during the first week and was waiting for my new job to begin within 3 weeks.

So yes, the idea of this book is to write down my experiences of recognizing mistakes early on; getting out of habits, situations and away from people who could have adverse effect on my life. People dread thirty because they feel short of time for doing the above or have no idea that they should even think this way. In fact, for some of those who hadn’t ‘found themselves’ before or during their 30s, they often cannot do so until their 50s or 60s. Because they are cast with a blanket of burdens, regrets, follies, bad manners and hurtful behaviour towards others, since they couldn’t realize who they were and how they can contribute as productive individuals of the society. Sooner an individual takes charge of one’s destiny and behaviour, the easier it is for people to trust that person with their time and friendship. You will earn loyal friends when you radiate responsible behaviour around you. Most of all, you will love yourself more than ever. I definitely say this from experience and once again, with so much of pride in my career as a woman in tech.

The elder generation and common knowledge often advice youngsters on,

-Planning their future before thirty.

-Achievements and the need to align one's attitude of winning, achieving and creating.

-Believing in one's efforts and abilities above all.

-Having one's own platform, like a job, social network, special skills. These are more than just a hobby or interest.

-Less partying, more socializing in the right manner.

It is hard to accept these suggestions as an 18-year-old because they come from experience and as a teenager, one has next to none. How does a youngster know that if what one is doing now will actually pay off to achieve the above and if it is, at all, worth it, to achieve all of the above?12

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

Credits: internet

Maslow, a psychologist in 1954, published and discussed this triangle of hierarchy of needs. In many ways, people are unaware of how to reach that last pinnacle of self-actualization. They also do not comprehend these words like actualization and esteem, to its deepest sense. There is a reason why family and intimacy come before self-esteem and self-actualization. There is also another reason why safety through financial strength comes before family and intimacy. I do not say the other way is always a disaster but 9 out of 10 marriages/relationships will be very unhappy if one or both the parties do not bring enough of financial security and thereby, self-esteem and thereafter, selfactualization for oneself. They will try to seek those things from the other person, will have no limits, will not know how to create limits and damages will occur.

Enough about Maslow, let us get back to our book. Somehow, in my meagre way, I am trying to write down episodes of my life in periods of ages. Those will be chapters two to eight. Chapters after that, will contain details of whatever good and good through bad, I could extract out of those earlier chapters. They will consist of personal examples and or examples of people I met along the way in my life. And, my oh my, have I met a diverse set of people and known a large set of personalities! For an empathetic personality like mine, dealing with different personalities brought in a new set of challenges because I would argue with myself on their bad behaviour and make excuses for their poor lack of judgement. More on that, in the upcoming chapters.

A small remark on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. People often argue about shortage of money, being a reason for their sadness, their problems and their iniquities. They wish they could skip the steps and exercise their full potential just like that. I have personally witnessed my rich cousins' lives and never do I ever want to have their money without any of my selfesteem. I have seen some of my cousins being brats during their childhoods because their parents showered them with expensive gifts and relentless resources to spend their time on. On the other hand, I got spoken down to, got threatened, got shouted at, if I wasn't found reading a book. Sometimes, just for the sake of shouting, would my parents shout at me. Both of these parenting styles were counter-productive and I often tell people, do not reproduce until you have worked on your personality.

Now, if one is born to a lot of wealth, respect comes to one without working for it, one still keeps looking for validation, security, love and serenity everywhere. Oftentimes, you see bullies with high-end jobs living a miserable personal life and making people around them miserable at work. Life doesn't feel worth it, when somebody else builds it for you. There is this glorious feeling for a person to be their own person. The respect that comes from oneself for oneself is far more compelling, priced in rubies and diamonds, than any specious respect from anybody else. Humility follows along with that wisdom. In fact, once people see a person very happy with oneself, after an initial failed attempt to bring that person down, a new respect is formed for the person concerned. Being a successful and adored woman in technology is another glass ceiling that some of us are shattering. A life like that, doesn’t come to just anybody. A life like this is worth living and highly regarded because I built it myself. Every job interview, every little act of job-search and searches for study programmes or searches for collaboration is a coherent resultant of collective conscious efforts I made for that vision I had as a 9year-old. Thereafter, a life like this is worth living because it bewitches genuine respect and admiration from my colleagues at work and how we are trained to treat each other with respect and a certain expectation of professionalism, which brings out the very best in everybody, altogether. A life like this is also blissful to live, because of the admiration of the society in general, when I answer the question, ‘What do you do for a living? Or ‘what do you do?’. In Eindhoven and nearby cities, the moment I start talking to anybody, from a taxi driver to a dentist, their opinion on me would be formed as positive, the moment I say I work for ASML. Of course, those who know enough, ask me more specifics of my work and it is always a pleasure to reveal the most interesting parts and leave out the confidential matters to keep that atmosphere of mystery and drama. It all feels tranquil and joyous, because I very well earned each day through the conscious and educated decisions I made every minute, when I decided to overrun my deepest darkest inner fears, insecurities, personal shortcomings to create this beautiful identity. People already assume, I have enough of education and have a good background to my story. Hence, those who cannot stand near that aura of brilliance that shines through such uplifting conversations, they slide away very quietly.

My second book is a detailed version of this statement. Hence, I try to say to every young adult I meet, hang in there, with all the courage, discipline, strategies, you got! Your day will come and you will shine. Until then, read my books! Keep going! Don’t look back.

Chapter Two. Standing on a firm foundation

At 27

I worked on myself a lot. During my early and midtwenties, I worked on my communication skills, my dressing style, my outlook towards the world, my companions, my dating life, my education and supremely, on my career trajectory. I observed the people around me, learned from their mistakes and their positive attributes. I continually screened and chose good friends while quickly withdrawing myself from people who affected me adversely in any manner. At times, the people around me would be great, but I would need to minimize my social time, just to maintain a steady energy level during the week and weekends.

Hollywood and European movies often portray career women as being lonely, miserable and often single. Career women are described as somebody living a double life as if this is not their natural state and they know it is not. They are portrayed as messy single moms, divorcees, to-be-divorcees or downright sassy and even slutty single women (although not by choice). They are never shown as a normal person who is female, working, earning on her own, living a great life being a spinster with her own cash while she faces only small practical issues like every other human on this planet. Career women are portrayed as somebody who is on the verge of going crazy or is already neurotic. No wonder little girls still dream of marrying and settling for a generic guy instead of daring to reach out to their fullest potential in themselves. 13,14

During my second master’s degree programme

No matter where we stand in life, society tells us that we are unhappy. It is one thing if one hasn't done much and hasn’t achieved much to make one's own living and get out of one's parents' house. But if you have a career, a proper bachelor's degree or even better, a master's degree and you have held your job for more than a year, you actually know what gives you prospect. You have done well in life and you need not worry over your biological clock, hair fall, sagging skin or even weight.

In fact, most people do not spend their time worrying about them but the media creates perceptions in our eyes and the eyes of people around us, that a career doesn't complete a woman15. I would say it pretty much does. A career defines who you are and in which way you can contribute to this world. It allows you to know how you can steer your future. And that, my friends, is the most exhilarating feeling on this planet. In fact, too bad, there is only one planet earth (wink!). This is the feeling of knowing where you can be, if you do things right. You cannot be complete with a partner. You cannot be complete with a child. You cannot be complete with an education half-finished. You can be complete only and only if you have a steady income and a responsible way of living life where you know how to use that income. 16

Very unrelated. On my amazing fat-e-bike in a bridge in Fredrikstad, Østfold, Norway. It weighs more than my body weight and had been an amazing companion in those frosty roads during the dreadful winter, which is basically 9 months of the year.

Hence, I want to debunk the myth of single women being unhappy even though they have a career, a great bank account and an enormous prospect in their industry of work. At the age of 27, I stood at the pinnacle of my happiness when I took the keys to my first house on a plot of 139sq m land, in the heart of Eindhoven, very close to the smartest square kilometre of the world, also called the High-Tech Campus in Eindhoven. I couldn't even begin to appreciate and acknowledge, how much my past hard work was paying off but all the more, how much not dating the wrong person, not listening to pessimistic people, choosing to listen to only those who have walked the same path as me and having the sense to let go of people who do not uplift me, was paying off.

Women have been and will continue to build careers and earn laurels in academia and industrial research, as well. Women will continue to lead companies, churches, NGOs, schools and any organization imaginable by humankind. What separates us from men is the media and society telling us that we are victims of patriarchy. We cannot demand respect and admiration without working for it and proving to our peers with an adequate number of facts and research to back our statements. On every occasion that I had to fight misogyny, I battled out of it with more respect from my opponents than when I entered. Men will respect women as colleagues. But women will definitely have to bring in enough to the table, be capable of being respected, being accountable, being relied on and earn the trust of the team to do complex tasks, just like any other person. The circumstances may be different but respect has to be earned through courteous marketing of one’s skills whilst being humble towards the contributions of others.

Professional and personal trust cannot be achieved through degrees and previous experiences alone. We will talk about this throughout the book.

People see and want to see the good side only