Home Sweet Home E-Book

Lilly Mirren

• Herausgeber: 8th Note Press
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Serie: Home Sweet Home
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Seitenzahl: 355

Beschreibung

Trina is starting over after a painful separation from her husband of almost twenty years. Grief and loss force her to re-evaluate her life. The only thing she can think to do is to return to her hometown where she'll be confronted by all of the things she left behind; a hometown she hasn't visited since high school graduation. When the police officer who lives next door comes knocking with questions about a tragedy from the past, Trina finds herself exploring the trauma of her childhood and facing the pain and stigma she's run from for so long. As she faces a new season of life, Trina must learn how to navigate complex family relationships, burgeoning friendships and a return to the career she left behind years earlier and the love she thought never could come.

Leseprobe

HOME SWEET HOME

COOK’S BAKERY

BOOK 1

LILLY MIRREN

Copyright © 2023 by Lilly Mirren

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and events are fictitious in every regard. Any similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book in whole or part, electronically or mechanically, constitutes a copyright violation.

All rights reserved.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Epilogue

Also by Lilly Mirren

No Place Like Home

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Glossary of Terms

About the Author

ABOUT THIS BOOK

Headed for divorce, Trina returns to the small town of her childhood to rebuild her life.

Trina is starting over after a painful separation from her husband of almost twenty years. Grief and loss force her to re-evaluate her life. The only thing she can think to do is to return to her hometown where she has to deal with all of the things she left behind; a hometown she hasn't visited since high school graduation.

When the police officer who lives next door comes knocking with questions about a tragedy from the past, Trina finds herself exploring the trauma of her childhood and facing the pain and stigma she's run from for so long.

As she faces a new season of life, Trina must learn how to navigate complex family relationships, new friendships and a return to the career she left behind to raise a family years earlier. In the process, she'll finally confront the ghosts of her past and upend a mystery that's haunted her adult life.

An emotional tale of life after loss and of finding yourself again in the place you'd least expect.

Please note:

This book is set in Australia, so may on occasion use terms and spelling that may be unfamiliar to you. A glossary has been included at the end of the book for your convenience.

1

Twenty-Five Years Ago

The clock on the wall ticked, slowly counting down the seconds until Trina Cook regained her freedom. With a sigh, she tore her gaze from the timepiece and focused instead on the English paper on the desk in front of her. She had to get at least eighty percent this time if she wanted to keep her marks up high enough to get into university. At least, that’s what Mrs Ardern, her teacher, had told her during class. She shifted in her seat, the sweat from her legs sticking to the plastic chair and making it hard to move.

“Pssst.”

Trina ignored the sound. She didn’t want to be distracted. It was hard enough to give her attention to answering the question on the paper about Emma and Mr Knightley, without Daniel interfering.

“Look…” he whispered.

She shook her head without looking up, and mouthed, “stop it.”

She heard him chuckle, and a smile drifted across her lips. She never had been able to resist that laugh. With a glance over her shoulder she saw him set his pencil on the rise of his upper lip and balance it in place, then with a dip of his head, he caught the pencil with one hand. He grinned at her, his dimples flashing, deep brown eyes shimmering under the florescent lights.

Across the room, their teacher cleared her throat. Mrs Ardern caught Trina’s eye and her lips pursed.

Trina shook her head slowly, bit down on her lip to stifle a burst of laughter, then re-focused her attention on finishing her paper.

The two of them had never taken school seriously. It was all right for Daniel Hamilton — his father was the local doctor, and everyone knew Dan would follow in his father’s footsteps. Besides, he was smart. Not like her. He didn’t have to study or try very hard to get top marks in every subject. With Trina it was a different matter entirely. Studying was difficult, finding time and space in which to study was harder, and the idea of leaving the tiny farming town of Murwillumbah to attend a university in the city and become a scientist seemed impossibly out of touch with the reality of her life.

Finally, she thought, as the buzzer sounded. Trina glanced one last time at the scrawled words on the sheaf of papers, then stood to her feet and carried them with slouched shoulders to the front of the room. She’d tanked the test. She was sure of it.

Maybe she could be a waitress instead. Sure, there wasn’t as much glory in it, the paycheck was slimmer, but this way she could work nights and have her days all to herself. Her feet scuffed the floor as she dragged herself out of the hall, down the stairs and into the large concrete quadrangle where the rest of the year level were milling about on painted handball courts, murmuring under their breaths about anything other than the examinations that seemed to fill so many of the days of their final term of high school.

With a backward glance she took in the red brick walls of the hall looming behind her, the concrete steps, the sloping roof that’d housed students for over sixty years.

She felt a bump against her shoulder and turned to find herself face to face with Dan. He leaned forward to kiss her, his lips soft against hers with a faint taste of salt. Sweat dampened the edges of his hair.

“How’d you go?” he asked, shifting his backpack onto one shoulder.

She shrugged. “Badly, I’m guessing. Whatever. I can always apply for a job at the Austral Cafe. The pay is crap, but maybe I’ll get free ice cream.”

“I’m sure you aced it. You never give yourself enough credit.”

“Ugh. It doesn’t matter anyway. I should’ve known I’d never get out of this town. Cook women never do. We stay here, desperate failures, relying on loser men to take care of us.”

Dan’s eyes narrowed. “I know you didn’t just call me a loser…”

“You’re not a man yet, either,” she countered.

“I will be next month…at least legally, anyway.” He smiled, her slight already forgotten. “And we’re going to have a big party.”

“Gigantic.”

“The biggest ever,” he said. “As soon as exams are over, everyone’s going to be so ready to party.”

“Aren’t we always?” she asked. “Sorry for inferring that you’re a loser.” She stood on tiptoe to kiss him, long brown waves of hair falling away from her upturned face. “I didn’t mean it that way, you know. Just that you’ll head off to uni, and I’ll stay here and…”

He huffed. “Not a chance. We’re going to Brisbane together. We’ve talked about it a thousand times. We’ll both attend the University of Queensland. I’ll study medicine and you’ll be a scientist and find the cure for some horrible disease or something equally impressive. It’s settled. So, stop moaning. Okay?”

She smiled, her spirits lifting. Perhaps he was right. Maybe the destiny of Cook women was about to change. She could be the one to transform the course of history for every woman to come after her. It was entirely possible. At least when Dan talked about it, it seemed to her that anything was possible. Even getting out of this country town and building a life for herself as far away from Mum as possible.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her mother, she did, in a desperate kind of wishful way — but Mum wasn’t good to herself, let alone her daughter. And the latest boyfriend was the worst of a bad bunch. If history was anything to go by, Trina knew he wouldn’t last much longer, and the relationship would sour before it was over. Which meant she’d have to deal with the fighting, the yelling, possibly even broken furniture again.

Dan slid his hand over hers, and she fell into step beside him, her school bag slapping against her back as she walked. The tension in her forehead disappeared as she relaxed under his touch. His words were the only thing that grounded her, moved her forwards, one foot in front of the other. “Keep talking…it all sounds too good to be true. But maybe if you believe it, then I will too.”

He winked at her, his brown eyes twinkling. “Then, when we graduate, we’ll get married. We’ll have three babies, no four…two boys and two girls. You’ll get fat, and I will too, just to make you feel better. We’ll conquer the world. Or at least make it a better place. Then, we’ll grow old together with lots of grandchildren running around all over the place.”

“Do I have to get fat?” she asked.

He shrugged. “That part is up to you. Either way, we’ll be happy. That’s the point.”

“As long as you’re there…that’s all I need,” she replied. “The main thing is, I don’t want to end up like Mum, wasting my life away, bouncing from one bad relationship to the next, one loser to another, unable to support myself or change my life. That’s why I’ve got to study more. If I don’t get into uni…I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Dan frowned. “Don’t talk like that, of course you’ll get in. And while I’m around, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I’ll take care of you.”

“As much as I love you for saying that, I don’t want you to take care of me. I want to take care of myself. Mum has waited her whole life for some man to rescue her, take care of her, and I hate that she does that. I’m not going to live that way.”

“And I’m not some man.” Irritation tensed his hand where it closed over hers.

“I know you’re not… I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant to say is we’ll take care of each other.”

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “Now that, I can agree with.”

She laughed as warmth traced the edges of her heart and tightened her throat with unshed tears. How long had it been since she cried? She couldn’t remember. Tears sat in her throat, reminding her every now and then they were there by an ache in the vicinity of her tonsils. “I don’t know if I’d make it without you.”

“Ditto,” he said with a grin.

He pulled her close, the intensity of his gaze taking her breath away even as he pressed his lips to hers. “I’ll always be there. We belong together, don’t you know? Where you go, I go.”

She could only nod.

They stopped at the bike rack and she unlocked her bike, then pushed it along the footpath, Dan walking beside her.

She’d known it from the first moment she saw him in year seven. It was almost too cheesy to be real, but their eyes had locked across the quadrangle and that was the moment her entire life changed. She didn’t know how much it would change at the time, only knew that a boy with short brown hair and big brown eyes made her knees wobble and her heart skip a beat. But from the first lunch break they’d spent together, when she’d drunk up his every word and relished the feel of his fingers closing over hers before the bell rang, jolting them apart again as though a bolt of electricity had passed from his skin to hers, she’d known she didn’t want to be anywhere he wasn’t from then on.

Trina inhaled a long slow breath even as their footsteps slapped against the pavement, heading for home completely in synch, just like everything else the two of them did together. It was impossible not to catch Dan’s optimism like the colds they shared every winter, at least for a little while when he was with her and his words fell on her like rain on parched soil. The idea that she could change the course of her life wasn’t something she’d even have considered if it weren’t for him. Mum said he was filling her head with rubbish. But it didn’t sound like rubbish to Trina; it sounded like heaven.

* * *

“I’m home!” called Dan as he pushed through the door and into the large, brick home perched on the side of the only big hill in town. The hospital squatted several streets above them, at the top of that hill. Dan’s father worked there as a surgeon. Everyone in town knew him, respected him. Trina couldn’t imagine living Dan’s gilded life. She loved being at his house and wished she could stay there forever. But the time always came when she had to go home. One day she’d be free, but not today.

Dan threw his school bag on the floor, charging towards the kitchen. Trina set hers neat and tidy beside his, and followed him, her eyes glancing from side to side to take in the soft furnishings in the lounge room, the trinkets on tabletops and shelves. The house felt like a home and had been lovingly decorated over the years by Sharon Hamilton, Dan’s mother. Her soft touch was evident in the blush shade over the lamp, the matching colour threaded through a floor rug and highlighted in a stylish painting on the wall.

“There you are,” said Sharon, as Dan lurched himself onto a bar stool.

His mother leaned over the bench to kiss his cheek and ruffle his hair. Then she glanced at Trina with a warm smile. “Hi Trina, good to see you.”

“You too, Mrs Hamilton,” replied Trina.

She and Dan had been dating since they were thirteen years old. Four years was a long time in any teenager’s life, but to Trina it felt like forever. It was hard to remember her life before Dan, and his family had taken to her as though she was one of them — a mistaken assumption that haunted Trina every moment she was with them. She lived with the constant dread that one day they’d realise who her mother was and Sharon’s mouth would fall open before announcing it was time for Trina to leave, that they didn’t want their only son and heir keeping company with the likes of a Cook girl.

“I’m making pikelets,” said Sharon, returning to stand by an electric frying pan set on top of the stone bench. She reached for a spatula, and flipped the bubbling treats over, revealing a golden underside. “They’re almost ready.”

“Yum, I’m starved,” replied Dan.

“Maybe you could get the butter and jam out of the fridge, then,” she continued.

He hurried to comply. Trina sat at the bench, unsure of what to do. Even though she’d been to Dan’s house a thousand times, she’d never been able to shake the feeling that she was out of place. The domestic bliss she encountered was so unfamiliar to her it felt surreal.

“Would you like a glass of milk with your pikelets, Trina?” asked Sharon.

Trina nodded. “Thanks, that sounds great. I’ll get it.”

Once they’d stuffed themselves with pikelets and tall, cold glasses of milk, Trina and Dan went outside to the back yard. A long, rectangular swimming pool sparkled opalescent blue under the penetrating rays of the summer sun.

“Wanna swim?” asked Dan.

“Definitely,” she replied. “I feel like I’m melting after sitting in that hall for three hours. I can’t believe they haven’t installed overhead fans in there — it’s like roasting in an oven.”

Dan disappeared into his bedroom through a glass sliding door, then reappeared in a pair of board shorts. His muscled torso gleamed with sweat. He threw her a faded pair of swimmers. “You left them here last time. Mum washed them for you.”

Trina’s cheeks flamed. “She didn’t have to do that.”

“I don’t think she minded…” he said, shrugging.

“I know, but still…”

He laughed. “Are you going to argue with me or get in the pool?”

She shrugged. “Okay, I’ll change in your room.”

Trina dressed quickly, leaving her school clothes folded on Dan’s bed, then hurried outside. He bobbed beneath the water, then back up again for a breath. She ran at the pool with a few short steps, tucked her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, landing beside him with a gigantic splash.

When she rose to the surface again, she was already laughing. Dan grabbed her and threw her backwards in the water, tickling her as he pushed her under. Water went up her nose and she coughed and spluttered as she surfaced.

He laughed. “Serves you right, you nearly drowned me.” Then his arms were around her and his lips pressed to hers.

She melted into his embrace, enjoying the caress of the cool water on her hot skin along with his strong hands.

They swam for an hour before finally she climbed out and began towelling off.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I’ve got work.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Really.”

“That sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” she replied. Although, she actually enjoyed the job. Her boss was good to her, and she liked chatting with the customers. Still, she hated to leave.

Sharon poked her head through the rear screen door. “How are you kids going out here?”

“Fine, thanks Mum,” replied Dan.

“Do you want to stay for tea, Trina?” Sharon asked. “You’re welcome to join us for meatloaf. I made plenty.”

“That would be great, Mrs Hamilton, but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll be late if I don’t hurry.”

“Of course, maybe next time.” The door swung shut again, and Trina waited while Dan climbed out of the pool.

He kissed her, then sat in a chair by the sliding door that led to his bedroom while she changed, his eyes shut as if he were taking a nap. But she knew him better than that. He was thinking, planning, pondering. His mind never stopped. It was one of the things that fascinated her most about him.

When she walked out in her school uniform, his eyes blinked open. “What if I don’t want all that?” he asked as though he was in the middle of a conversation she hadn’t heard.

Her brow furrowed. “All what?”

“Medicine, university, following the old man’s footsteps…you know, the whole thing.”

Her eyes widened. “What do you mean? I thought that’s all you wanted. You talk about it constantly.”

His lips pursed. “I know…but I wonder sometimes if it’s my dream or if I’m doing it because it’s expected. I want him to be proud but… I don’t know anymore.” He ran fingers through his hair, setting it on end in dark, wet spikes.

She slipped into a chair beside him. “You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t I?” he asked.

“Of course not,” she replied.

He sighed. “But…there are things you don’t know. Things I’ve done. I mean…I don’t know how to fix it.” He saw the question in her eyes and hesitated. “Let’s not talk about it right now. You’ve got to go and I’m only complaining. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

She stood, glanced at her watch. If she didn’t leave now, she’d be late, and she hated being late. In a town where everyone knew her mother as an unreliable, irresponsible drunk, she had to work doubly hard to prove herself. His words set worry swirling in her chest, but she couldn’t focus her attention on it, not now, there were so many things on her mind.

“You should go,” he added.

She inhaled a sharp breath. “I’m sorry. Really… I want to talk about it, but I have to leave. I’ll call you later. Okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Talk to you later.”

She kissed him, then strode to the back door, shooting one last worried look at him over her shoulder. What was going on with him? She had no idea what he was talking about, and until a minute ago she’d thought she knew everything there was to know about Daniel Hamilton.

He looked tired and sad for a single moment, until he saw her watching him, then hefted a smile onto his face and waved goodbye. With a pang of guilt, she pushed through the door, grabbed her bike, and climbed on, already pedalling before she reached the road.

2

Trina waved goodbye as she walked out of the corner store. Weston’s was a family business, still run by its original owner, Terry Weston, an old man with gingery whiskers who wore long cardigans over button down shirts even in the summer. He was kind to her though, something she’d found to be rare in life, so she cared for him in return and rolled his cigarettes for him when his arthritis played up.

She pedalled her bike away from Bray Park, down a long, sloping hill, letting the humid air dry the sweat on her forehead and beneath her armpits as she glided along the tarmac.

The feel of her paycheck, folded tight in her uniform pocket, brought a smile to her face. She’d saved almost a thousand dollars since the previous summer, working afternoons and weekends for Terry, all part of the plan to get out of town and study alongside Dan at uni. She’d been planning for a year, after the last of Mum’s boyfriends walked out and she realised if she didn’t change her tune soon, she’d end up lying in bed heartbroken, crying into her pillow over a man who’d left with all the money she’d hidden in the biscuit tin at the age of thirty-four, just like Anthea Cook.

That was the day she stopped smoking pot. The day she pulled her textbooks from her backpack and began to study. The day she decided she was going to make more of her life, to live up to the potential countless teachers had told her she had from the first day of school but that she’d never believed.

She still wasn’t sure she believed them, but she had seen her marks go from well below average, to average. Then they’d crept even a little higher, but Trina didn’t know if it’d be enough in the end. She hadn’t studied for most of year eleven, so her final result might not be as high as she’d like it to be. Regardless, the improvement was enough to motivate her to continue. To keep trying. To wonder for the first time in her life if perhaps she might do something unexpected, something more than she’d believed possible.

It was five kilometres to the house. A small, fibro box of a house perched on the edge of the main road that led to Tyalgum. She glanced in the rusted mailbox on her way past, pulled the lop-sided gate shut behind her and wheeled her bike to the shed out back. A skinny brown dog slinked up behind her, tail tucked between its hind legs. She bent to pat its head. It wasn’t her dog but had shown up about six months earlier and then kept coming around after she fed it some scraps after tea one night. She’d decided to give the dog a name, so called her Trixie, and asked Mum if she could keep her. Her mother had tried to run the dog off with a broom in one of her drunken rampages, but Trixie had only hid behind the shed for a few hours then reappeared when Trina stood on the back porch later that night, peering into the darkness to search for her.

“Hey Trixie girl, did you have a good day? You look hungry. Are you hungry? I’m absolutely starving.”

The pikelets Trina ate for afternoon tea were long gone and her stomach rumbled with hunger as she pushed through the rear screen door. It slapped shut behind her as she set her backpack on the floor.

“Hey, Mum — I’m home!”

There was no response, not that she expected one.

She tugged open the fridge door and peered inside. A six pack of beer sat on one shelf, the remnants of a mouldy piece of cheese on another, and an almost empty bottle of milk was the only thing in the door besides a few condiments.

Trina shook her head, then searched the pantry for something to make for dinner. Beyond the nearby mountain range the sun blinked out of view, throwing shadows across the house in an instant as the valley grew dark all at once. Trina flicked on the kitchen light — it shimmered a moment, making a keening noise before it flooded the room with light.

She thought about the meatloaf Dan’s family would be eating around their dark timber dining table, and her stomach clenched with hunger. With a sigh she selected a can of baked beans from a shelf in the pantry and set it on the bench.

Her mother was usually home by this time of day, and the old Holden Commodore she drove was parked out front when Trina rode up the path from the road. She must be around somewhere.

Almost as though she’d summoned them with her thoughts, a doorway down the hall slammed open and music spilled out, along with a man’s high-pitched laughter and her mother’s familiar giggle.

Great. Jackson was over.

Her mother’s latest relationship was, in Trina’s opinion, her most absurd so far. Jackson was ten years her mum’s junior and worked, as infrequently as he could possibly manage, as a banana picker in the mountains along one side of the valley a few kilometres from their house. From what Trina could tell, he spent the rest of his time smoking pot, drinking, and doing things she didn’t want to think about with her mother in the master bedroom at the end of the short hallway.

With a quick intake of breath, she turned back to the can of beans, her nostrils flaring.

“Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t hear you come in.” Her mother’s voice was breathless, hoarse.

Trina spun around with a wary smile. “Yep. Just now. Anything for tea?”

“Hey, Trina,” said Jackson.

He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of boxers. His blondish hair hung loose around his shoulders with his arms wrapped around her mother’s waist. Her mother wore a slip dress, bare feet, and hair mussed as though she’d failed to brush it for a fortnight.

“Hi Jackson,” replied Trina automatically. Go away Jackson, she thought. She wished she had the nerve to say it out loud.

“Um… I haven’t thought about it. Actually, Jackson and I were a bit distracted.” Her words slurred and Trina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. There wasn’t much her mother hated more than Trina’s eye rolls. They made her feel small. She’d tell her later after the shouting died down and the shadow of guilt drifted across her teary face. She always felt bad after she shouted at Trina, apologised then kissed her cheeks one by one with Trina’s face cupped between her hands.

Trina couldn’t help forgiving her.

Anthea Cook was a terrible mother, yet somehow Trina loved her more than anyone else in the world, even Dan. Though she hated to admit it most of the time. The two of them had a complicated relationship — they were connected in a way she couldn’t describe. She desperately wanted her mother’s approval and love, and at the same time couldn’t wait to get as far away from her as a bus fare would allow and never come back.

“I thought I’d heat up some baked beans then,” said Trina, turning back to the task.

“Okay, love.”

Mum and Jackson retreated back down the hall, giggling and stumbling, then shut the door behind them. The music blasted then, out beneath the door and through the open windows until it surrounded the house with its heavy metal riffs.

Trina heated up the beans, set them on a piece of toast, and carried the plate to her room. She had a history assignment to complete, and only a few days left to do it. History was something she used to hate, but the more she studied it the more she found herself drawn to it. Reading the stories of people who’d lived a long time ago held a special kind of appeal to her, in a way she hadn’t expected. Sometimes she even found her eyes filling with tears when she read about something in one of her textbooks, like the time she’d learned about how humpback whales had been hunted almost to extinction along the eastern coast of Australia. Still, the assignment had proved more difficult than she’d thought it would. It should’ve been finished days ago, she hated leaving things to the last minute.

She sat at her desk, one foot on the chair, knee bent up so she could rest her chin on it as she read through the words she’d written so far. Her brow knit together, she focused on the words on the page in front of her as she scooped a spoonful of warm beans into her mouth.

The volume of the music lifted suddenly. It was so loud she could feel its beat in her gut.

She groaned and covered her ears with both hands. It was impossible to drown out the noise.

The words on the page blended together, jumbled about in her head. She couldn’t concentrate. Her stomach growled with hunger and she squeezed her eyes shut tight.

A knock on her window startled her, eyes flying wide. She saw Dan’s face in the dull light, then smiled with relief.

“What are you doing? You scared the life out of me,” she gasped as she lifted the window, opening it to feel a rush of cooler air filter in and push out some of the oppressive heat in her bedroom.

“I wanted to see you,” he replied, eyes glinting as he climbed over the windowsill, head bent to avoid hitting it on the frame. “And there’s a party in Tyalgum, I thought we could go.”

“Tonight? No, I’ve got to get this history assignment done.”

“It’s not due for three days, you nerd.” He kissed the end of her nose and wrapped his long arms around her. “Come on, let’s have some fun.”

She glanced down at the paper on the desk, then back at Dan, his eyes pleading with her. A rush of affection for him pushed aside the guilt she felt over not working on her assignment.

“Fine, I guess we can go out tonight. But let’s not go crazy, I’ve got to be home at a reasonable time. We have school tomorrow, and unlike you, I can’t survive on no sleep and still focus on ridiculously complicated calculus problems.”

He chuckled. “Fine, we can come home early. What’s with the Metallica?” Dan nodded a head in the direction of Trina’s closed bedroom door. The music pounded through the house making conversation almost impossible.

“Jackson’s over,” replied Trina, as though it was explanation enough.

Dan nodded slowly. “Ah, okay. Well, come on get changed and let’s go.”

* * *

Trina regretted agreeing to go to the party as soon as she climbed into Dan’s green Corolla and found Sally, Jeremy, and Steve waiting for them. Sally she could deal with, but Jeremy prompted an urge deep within her to pummel him every time they had a conversation, and she wasn’t usually the violent type; Steve went along with whatever jerky thing Jeremy was involved with. The two of them together was bound to be trouble, as far as she was concerned. They weren’t friends with Dan anymore after a falling out the year before that he never explained. She couldn’t understand what he was doing with the two of them in his car, or why Sally was with them.

“I thought it would be the two of us,” she whispered into Dan’s ear as she fitted her seat belt in place.

The car’s engine roared to life, and he released the handbrake with a grin. “The more the merrier, right?”

“Is everything okay?”

A crease appeared between his eyes. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“He’s ready to party, that’s all,” piped up Jeremy from the back seat. “Want a drag?” He shoved a half smoked joint in Trina’s face.

With a grimace, she shook her head and leaned back in her seat. “No thanks.”

“I thought you were the weed queen,” replied Jeremy, with a snort.

“Not anymore.” She shot an irritated look in Dan’s direction, but he didn’t seem to notice. She should’ve stayed in her room, even with all the ruckus. At least she could’ve worked on her assignment and gone to bed early with her noise cancelling headphones on.

The party was fun at first. A bonfire snapped and threw embers into the dark air. People milled around it. Some stood warming their hands, others their backs. One man pushed a stick into the fire, withdrew it then used it to light his breath — a streaming flash of flames as it ignited a spray of alcohol spat from his mouth.

Trina followed Dan to the fire. He seemed morose, didn’t have much to say. Beside her, he stood with his hands pushed deep into his pockets, staring at the flames. She turned to Sally, talked about school, next year, and all the unknowns stretching across their futures. Sally sat on a log close to the heat of the bonfire. When Trina sat beside her, she noticed Dan was gone. He’d disappeared into the crowd, leaving her alone. She wrapped her arms around herself in a hug. This was the last place she wanted to be tonight, and now Dan had abandoned her. But maybe it was for the best given his mood. She hated when he got like that — nothing she could say or do was right in his eyes.

She and Sally sat on the log for a while longer, then Sally said she was going to look for a bathroom in the nearby farmhouse, and suddenly Trina was alone. She peered at the stars overhead and marvelled at the way they blanketed the sky with twinkling lights, the Milky Way threading through the centre, glowing pale against the darkness.

Finally, when she’d begun to wonder if he’d ever return, Dan found her and dropped down beside her with a grunt. “There you are.”

“I haven’t moved,” she replied.

He laughed, his eyes sloshing about in his head. “You’re moving now.”

She frowned. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Not enough,” he quipped. Then he stood, swayed, and held out his arms in front of him. “Whoa, did you see that? The ground moved.”

He chuckled, took a step into the darkness.

Trina hurried to help him, steadying him with one arm around his waist. “Wait, let me help you. I really think we should go home now. I’ve got to get that paper finished and you’ve had enough to drink.”

He pushed her away. “I don’t need your help. Since when did you become Miss Priss? Everyone’s so worried about studying, working… now you as well. It’s all you can talk about — assignments, exams, the future. You’re no fun anymore.”

Trina took a step back. A rock formed in her gut. He never spoke to her that way. “What? How can you say that?”

Tears welled, but she pushed them down.

“I’m sorry,” he slurred, lurching towards her. “I didn’t mean it.”

“No, I want to go home. Now.” Her throat ached. She couldn’t believe she’d let him convince her to come to this stupid party, and the fact that he was acting eerily similar to the men that traipsed in and out of her mother’s bedroom filled her with a hot rage. She’d vowed never to let a man treat her the way her mother’s boyfriends did.

“Fine, let’s go.” He fished in his pocket for his car keys.

“Let me have the keys, I’ll drive,” said Trina.

Dan’s eyes darkened, and he closed his fist around the keys. “Why? Don’t you think I can drive?”

“No, of course not. You’ve had too much to drink.”

Dan strode in the direction of the road where they’d parked. “I’m driving and you can’t stop me.”

Trina’s eyes narrowed, she scurried after him, grabbing for the keys which he held just out of reach. “Dan, stop it. You know you can’t drive. I’m not going to let you get behind that wheel. Now, give me the keys.”

Jeremy, Sally, and Steve stood in a bunch near the car. Sally hiccoughed as Trina passed her.

“We’ve been looking for you two,” said Sally. “It’s time to go, this party is getting lame.”

Dan unlocked the car, and the three of them climbed in. He followed, sitting in the driver’s seat, then stared at Trina waiting for her to join them.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not getting in that car with you driving.”

Dan’s face reddened. “Get in the car, Trina.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Let me drive, and I will.”

His eyes narrowed. “No way. You can stay here then.”

The car backed up, then pulled away down the road. Trina watched as the red taillights turned a corner, then were gone. Her eyes widened and her teeth ground together. Surely, he’d come back. He was pulling a prank on her. It was so unlike him to behave that way. He never drank to excess, never treated her like that. No, he’d turn around at the next corner and be back here laughing before she knew it.

Only he didn’t.

She stood there for ten minutes before dread knotted in her stomach. She glanced around the dark gathering at the clusters of strangers, drinking, laughing, talking together. She wasn’t sure how many people she knew, it was too dark to recognise anyone. She was stuck there, in the middle of nowhere, on someone’s farm — she wasn’t even sure whose — with no way to get home.

How could Dan do this to her? And to drive when he was clearly intoxicated? His dad had told them enough horror stories that he knew better.

Panic twisted her throat until it ached. What could she do? She’d thought he would change his mind, climb out of the car and tell her it was all a big joke, that of course she should drive. When he’d pulled away into the darkness, she was sure the red brake lights would blink on and he’d wave her over to the driver’s side to climb in. But he wasn’t coming back. He’d left her on her own at a random party in the middle of the night with no way to get home.

If he did survive the drive, she’d kill him the next time she saw him. Anger radiated heat through her body and up to her cheeks, warming her in the cool night air.

She supposed the only thing to do was to find the least intoxicated stranger who would give her a lift home. The idea of that rose the hackles on the back of her neck. There was the nearby farmhouse of course, but the lights were out, and it was late — she didn’t think she’d get a warm reception there. They might let her use their phone, but who would she call? By now, Mum and Jackson would be passed out. Dan was on his way home. She could call his parents…

Unbe-freakin-lievable.

Her nostrils flared and she fought the urge to stamp her foot in the dirt. Why did everyone in her life always have to let her down when she needed them? Trina spun on her heel and marched back to the bonfire.

3

“No worries. You can catch a ride with me. I don’t mind at all. Come on, I’m ready to leave if you are.” Cody Burrows beckoned her with one arm, his long, blonde ringlets resting messy on bony shoulders above a ripped surf shirt and faded board shorts. His skin glowed golden in the flickering firelight.

“Yeah, I’m ready. Thanks again.” Trina followed him to where a few cars were parked on a grassy slope.

She wasn’t sure if Cody was exactly sober. He told her he didn’t drink. She couldn’t tell if he was high in the dim light. But he seemed okay. More sober than anyone else she’d talked to. Either way, his was the only familiar face she’d found at the party and she had to get out of there.

She dug her hands into her jeans pockets, hunched her shoulders, and picked her way carefully through the field, narrowly avoiding stepping in a cow pat.

The car looked as though it might not make it back to town. An old VW beetle, the bonnet was held in place with a piece of tangled wire, and when she walked around to the other side, she noticed a gaping rusted hole in the roof above where she’d be sitting. But the vehicle had made it that far, she had to believe it’d get her home as well. Besides, what choice did she have?

She climbed in and pulled the door shut behind her with a thud. It only took Cody three tries to start the engine, which rumbled in a way that reverberated through her torso.

The drive down the valley, over shadowy hills and past darkened farmhouses, was done in silence but for the noise of the engine and the wind whistling through the hole above her head.

“Bad night?” asked Cody.

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m really glad I ran into you though.”

“You’re in my Maths class, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah, and PE, I think.”

“Right. Your hair looks different or something.”