The Political Map of the Heart E-Book

Pat Gray

• Herausgeber: Dedalus
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

A doomed love affair against the backdrop of Ulster's troubles This convincing and evocative novel may lack the terrors of involvement and love across the sectarian divide, none the less, it explores the universal confusions and complexities of adolescence from an original perspective. C.L. Dallat in The Times Literary Supplement Pat's teenage romance with the lovely Elaine is tenderly related, their innocent relationship at odds with violence around them.With understated compassion, Gray shows a family torn apart and a love tainted by political divisions. His novel is blissfully free of sentimentality and endless rain that plagues so much Irish fiction. Lisa Allardice in The Independent on Sunday

Leseprobe

Dedalus Original Fiction in Paperback

THE POLITICAL MAP OF THE HEART

Pat Gray was born in Belfast in 1953 and studied politics at

Leeds University and Birkbeck College, London

He is the author of various academic works, and two previous novels, Mr Narrator (Dedalus 1989) and The Cat (Dedalus 1997). He lives in London.

CONTENTS

Title

Dedalus Original Fiction in Paperback

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Postscript

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

My father was a curious man with a big, oval face which was nearly always red; in early life because of the weather we had, in later life because of the drink and in-between because he was frequently very angry.

My mother was rather angular and upright; sternly bony, with clear, light blue eyes and a conventional manner of dressing. So conventional that it rather drew attention to her as she walked to work at the family planning clinic in Belfast, where we lived.

“Your mother’s doing her bit,” my father said vaguely, as he rested from mowing the lawn, with his hat pushed back, polishing his spectacles, the lawnmower abandoned for the moment. The sun burned and the garden was filled with the sweet scent of newly cut grass, mixed with the tang of his pipe smoke, which drifted over into the dense, dark green privet hedge.

When the lawn was finished, with neat lines showing where the mower had been, and the weeds dug out (though more frequently he would leave this to my mother) he fell back into his deckchair and began to read the Irish Times, chuckling loudly to himself, while I busied myself with the hosepipe, flooding the borders of the flowerbeds and cooling my feet in the brown mess this had created.

But then mother came home. Briskly she plucked me out of it, holding me away from herself, so the mud wouldn’t go down the front of her summer dress and carried me into the kitchen. There she lowered me into the steel sink and sluiced me down with the floor cloth dipped in water from the cold tap, before stripping me bare of my muddy clothes and wrapping me in a towel and setting me up on a chair outside in the evening sun to warm.

Then the kitchen began to echo with the sound of cooking pots being hauled from cupboards, followed by the angry swish of the broom on the tiled floor. My father ambled in.

“Busy?” he asked.

“It’s hectic,” my mother replied, pushing her hair back from her face, as she swept the floor, back and forth.

“Everyone’s going on holiday and they want to get fixed up.” As she said this, she lowered her voice, and glanced through the window to make sure I wasn’t in earshot.

Our cleaning lady was called Mrs Cross, which to me at the time, seemed extremely appropriate. She is almost the first person outside the family I can remember, although of course there must have been others who visited. She took her tea break with my mother in the kitchen, the two of them perched there on stools by the counter, eating biscuits or cake.

“That’s awful!” My mother’s voice was loud. She had an extremely penetrating, and very English voice. I could hear clearly what she was saying even from my attic bedroom. Then Mrs Cross replied in a Belfast accent, full of the broad a’s and much harder to hear, and my mother’s voice echoed up the stairwell.

“She could come to the clinic! Why doesn’t she come to the clinic.” I tried to hear, and understand. I hovered at the head of the stairs, pushing on the banisters, the knobbly newel post making marks on my bare pink knees.

“There are ways of doing these things you know. You don’t need to go on and on having more and more babies.”

Slowly I slithered down the stairs, two steps at a time, leaning forwards with my hands gripping the banister, down past my brothers’ bedrooms and my parents’ room, down past the bathroom and into the carpeted hall where the grandfather clock ticked slowly in the gloom, then on through the dining room to hang at the kitchen door, swinging it to and fro and trying to insinuate myself into the kitchen, on the pretext of a biscuit.

They both stopped talking, Mrs Cross looking down on me with what seemed like a pitying look, reserved for children who did not have parents that understood the value of a good hard slap or two.

“And what are you after young man?”

“Nothing.”

“You are, young man.”

“I’m not. I’m not, so.”

Later, I faintly detected the churning of the Hoover at the top of the house, punctuated by the sound of large pieces of furniture being moved. I climbed back up to my attic to find Mrs Cross at work, with my train set shunted to one side, destroyed, jumbled and disconnected on the carpet and every item on the shelf by my bedside moved. All dust had gone. It was as if the bedroom was newly minted, and in the process my presence in it all but erased. Mrs Cross seemed to occupy the whole room in her large floral apron and black lace-up shoes, her face like a red cabbage, as she lashed about with the vacuum cleaner hose.

“Why can’t she leave it alone,” I whined, at supper. My father munched noisily over his chops, reading the newspaper, his head cocked on one side, which I knew meant he was listening carefully to every word I said. It seemed a tremendous thing, that he could simultaneously read a newspaper and engage in conversation.

“She’s got to clean, Patrick,” said mother.

“Why?” asked my father suddenly. “What ever for?” I knew he was grinning, behind his newspaper. In the early days, he would tease my mother, and make her laugh, even tickle her ribs, under the apron.

“Your mother is a stern woman,” he said, half jokingly, as mother cleared the table and went to and fro to the kitchen with the dirty plates, before serving out the pudding, while he peered at the news short-sightedly through his spectacles. Myself and the brothers gobbled down the custard and left the plums my mother had stewed up.

“Ah dear!” He sighed and removed his spectacles, stretching and rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. “Your poor old father!” We paused in our scooping and shovelling, and grinned at each other, knowing what was coming, as he knew we knew. He looked at us, blinking and almost blind without his glasses.

“For God’s sake don’t end up like your old man,” he said. Mother ignored him as we all did, assuming it meant as little as his many other aphorisms; small phrases such as, “Well, that’s very true,” and, “You would if you could but then you might not,” or any of the others that he’d picked up from the bar of the senior common room or anywhere else he might have stopped for a chat or a smoke of his pipe. This was maybe to be our biggest mistake, to underestimate the importance of this one single pronouncement, there mixed in with all the rest casually, as if to hide it.

In the kitchen my mother would lecture at Tom, the brother nearest in age to me. I’d be balanced there on the high stool at her side while she talked to him, slouching there with maybe a patch torn out at the elbow of his jumper, or his knees all cut away and bleeding from climbing trees.

“Tom’s not done well this year, Patrick. Have you Tom?” Tom kicked away at the doorpost, but my mother carried on relentlessly. “Your father was down for a first class degree at Oxford, Tom. The most brilliant man of his year. He had a scholarship and then he just threw it all away. Just couldn’t be bothered. Just could not be bothered to do it, Tom!” She held me at the back, to make sure I did not fall off the stool. “Now, you don’t want to end up like that, do you Tom? You’ll need exams. You will end up like … ” And here she paused. Even then I thought she was about to say, “Like Mrs Cross,” but she did not.

“Like the binman,” she said.

So though the phrase “wasted genius” did not pass anyone’s lips, somehow, through repetition of related concepts, it seemed to seep into the household’s understanding. The family watched each other for any sign that one or other of us might be wasting genius. My oldest brother James, already starting his big school, was locked in his room to study, in the hot afternoons. At the age of eleven, he read Virginia Woolf. At the age of five I tried to read Neville Shute. Tom read nothing, and happily kicked footballs up against the garage door, with an incessant, banging sound. Genius was not to be wasted.

It seems obvious to me now, of course, that we were not wasting genius. The weather was fine, the streets outside were peaceful, and the leaves of the big plane trees rustled in the hot air of a seemingly endless summer. In the distance was the great green bulk of Cave Hill.

“It was the first thing I saw, coming off the boat from England after the war,” my mother often said. “The mountains, rising over the town. The rest of it was so dark and Victorian.”

The city then was not as it later became – a gap-toothed mouth, stopped with shuttered offices and barrack blocks – but a series of deep canyons of red brick, blackened with smoke, dripping on wet Saturdays in winter – or cool and shady in summer – but always solid, and built to last.

My mother held my hand on expeditions into the town.

“Don’t dawdle. Pick your feet up and walk properly. You don’t want people to think you’re a cripple,” she said, as we disappeared into Anderson and Macauley, and swept up the wooden escalators, supported on marble columns, to the lingerie department, where my mother bought strange undergarments, and received them back neatly tied with ribbon and bow.

When we visited her bank, I leaned back to look up at the domed ceiling in pastel and gilt, swirling above my head.

“Hullo, Mrs Grant,” said the teller behind the counter. “How are we today? And how is the little man?” and his voice echoed up into the dome, merging with the voices of the other clerks and tellers, all murmuring, “Hullo, Mrs McCartney,” and, “Why hullo there Mr McConochy, and hasn’t it been lovely weather for August?”

At home in Cultra Avenue, from my window, I looked down directly into the trees, so deep, green, and vast, that I could never see where the branches were until the winter came. One day I overheard my father down below, asking about the effect of the tree roots on the house’s foundations (at mother’s prompting, no doubt). The neighbour paused in his hedge clipping, and said:

“These houses have been here a good few years Mr Grant. And they’ll be with us a good few years yet.” And my father would thereafter repeat the neighbour’s words approvingly, as a sound justification for postponing this or that repair or refurbishment.

One Sunday just after we moved in, my father took us out behind the garage, and propped me in the wheelbarrow to watch him make a bonfire of the hedge clippings. He poured some paraffin over them, and said:

“Watch this, boys!” (as he always did with anything explosive) and we watched the trimmings going up, burning intensely, with a vicious crackling and spitting that had us ducking for cover. A pall of smoke hung over the garden. Then a deep voice came suddenly out of the hedge, its owner invisible behind his wall of privet.

“Remember!” said the voice. “Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy!” My father seemed struck dumb, as if for a moment he thought the voice had been inside his own head. He opened his mouth to speak, perhaps to ask, “Why?” but the hedge was so deep it was impossible to see who, if anyone, had spoken, or to engage them in debate.

On Sundays our family took to walking by the mansion at Barnet’s Park, across the sloping meadow and down to the bottom of the valley, where the canal ran through from Lisburn, shadowing the river past the linen mills. We stared at the high chimneys and the tumbling weirs. We strolled along the towpath, while the river streamed past on one side, and the old canal lay stagnant and clogged with weed on the other. The occasional walker stepped around us politely, or waited for us to pass.

“Grand day!” they said. “Isn’t that a cracking day for it now!” In their black Sunday clothes, stepping so the mud wouldn’t get on their shoes.

In the early days, my mother would take us to church, and line the brothers up in the crowded pews, in descending order of size, with myself at the end next to her. I can remember the smell of the church, and how full it was, and the mournful note of the hymns. When we came home, my father’d be humming to himself, and pottering with a watering can, wearing a pair of old shorts and a shirt with stains down the front.

I played hopscotch with my brother Tom. At first a few steps, just to the next door drive, then back. In the house next to ours the curtains twitched as we played.

“Look! It’s Mrs Crawshaw,” Tom whispered, ducking behind the privet so he could peer through at the house without being seen.

“Yes,” I said, distracted from our game. I bent down with him, and peered across the garden. A pale, washed-out face looked out at us from a darkened parlour window.

“You stepped on a line,” crowed Tom, suddenly jumping up and pushing me aside.

“Didn’t.”

“Did.”

“Didn’t.”

“Did.” Then Tom pushed me over so I fell across a line between the paving stones.

“You’s did now,” he said, and stood there grinning.

I ran crying back up the drive, along the side path, in through the yard and into the kitchen where mother was cooking.

“Tom!” she called disapprovingly, and together we walked round out onto the drive. I sniffed, and held her hand. But the street was empty, the only sign of life was the pavement still marked out with our abandoned game of hopscotch.

My father was sent for and came out reluctantly, to poke in the hedgerows with a broom handle, as if Tom were some kind of small beast that could be dislodged in such a manner. We peered into Mrs Crawshaw’s garden, over the iron gates, painted black. The garden was sombre, and dark, but carefully tended, with a few old-fashioned chrysanthemums to lighten the gloom. Of Tom there was no sign.

“He’ll come back,” said father, confidently.

Half an hour later, the doorbell rang, and there on the steps stood a grey haired lady, wearing black patent shoes and a tweed skirt and jacket, with a silver brooch at her neck. Her face was sad, and apologetic.

I hung at my mother’s skirt.

“Its about the gnomes, Mrs Grant,” said Mrs Crawshaw. “The garden gnomes have gone, and I think its your Tom as has got them.”

“The gnomes? Oh dear! Look, please come in,” said mother, ushering her into the drawing room, while my father scooped up the cards from the table where he had been playing patience, and scuttled for the safety of his study.

“I think your Tom has stolen the gnomes from my front garden,” said Mrs Crawshaw.

“Stolen the gnomes! Stolen the gnomes!” said father later, over supper. He beamed. He was extremely pleased. Everyone could see that he was pleased. Tom looked at his feet, grinning. “Went out into the garage and there they were. A whole squad of gnomes all lined up!”

“Whatever got into you, Tom?” asked mother.

“I was making an army,” said Tom. “An army of gnomes.”

“That’s not a reason for stealing now Tom, is it?”

“Certainly not!” said my father. “Garden gnomes are bloody ghastly things anyway.” And then it became one of his favourite family stories, like a tale which carried within it the essence of his guide to what the good life actually was, if one could but understand it.

One day father ripped the wheels off the pram, announcing loudly that that was that as far as he was concerned, and took the wheels away with him to the garage, the doors banging shut behind him. He stayed in there for several hours, emerging only for a hurried lunch, to snatch a few lettuce leaves and shove them between two slices of bread with his large, oil-stained fingers before returning to his workbench, pulling the garage doors tightly shut once more, while mother diverted us with small household duties.

It was Tom who led me out to the dank area round the back of the garage, as night began to fall, to the point where the neighbour’s hedge closed in tight upon our garden, and hoisted me up so I could see in through the mildewed windowpanes. There inside, my father was making something by the light of a standard lamp. On the workbench stood a small vehicle, made for two, with pram wheels, steered by what seemed to be a pyjama cord. He was bent over the contraption, squinting through his spectacles as he painted a name along its side, in perfect copperplate.

“Hannibal?” said mother doubtfully the next day, as she inspected his handiwork.

“Why have you called it, “Hannibal?”

“Across the mountains!” he cried, as if it were an obvious connection. The script was finely done, along the side of the vehicle, edged in red, white and blue.

“There!” he said. “Now, let’s try it out!” He lifted me up, his hands grasping me with gentle firmness, and placed me on the front seat. The wheels wobbled.

“Tom can steer,” he said, as Tom was fitted on behind.

Then my father gave us both a tremendous shove, shouting ‘WHAMMO!’ as he did so, and we set off down the path, through the gate, and out into the road. With a swerve and a bang we mounted the granite kerb back onto the pavement, past Mrs Crawshaw’s house, and then away off out under the plane trees and down the hill, the joints between the paving slabs rattling under the wheels. When the road levelled out and we came to a standstill, we both climbed off and dusted ourselves down, and caught our breath.

“Jesus!” said Tom. “That was great!”

The house was hidden by a bend in the road. Tom was excited.

“Come on, Pats!” he shouted. “Push us some more!”

Looking back, I could just see my mother, running down the road towards us. She caught up just as we reached the main road. Her face was flushed, her hair askew. Her hands were still covered in flour from the kitchen. A heavy lorry laboured past on the road, laden with sacks of anthracite, then a country bus. I looked at the traffic; another lorry, with new tractors on it, drove past.

“Come back!” she snapped, gripping each of us by one wrist. “You must not go near that main road!” Tom and I tried to wrench free, just long enough to see the wide road stretched out to the brow of the first hill where the suburbs thinned and the city gave way to country beyond.

That night, my father seemed morose. Now that the work was finished, he sat long at supper, smoking his pipe, and cleaning it out with his big hands, using the dead matches to scour the insides. As we were going upstairs for our baths, he disappeared to the garage to fit a braking mechanism to the new machine, grudgingly, as if it were not what he would normally have done, had he been left to his own devices.

But the brakes never worked. Mother was happy because she could see there were brakes, as such, and therefore that the accident of the first trip would never recur. We used the go-cart mercilessly, Tom and I, while my elder brother James looked on, from his bedroom window upstairs, where he was shut away to study.

A couple of days later me and Tom reached the main road again, while she was at her work, and my father in his deck-chair. This time we hauled the go-cart down to the zebra crossing opposite the sweet shop, and crossed the main road to the other side. Tom winked and reached into his pocket to show me some money he’d wangled from somewhere, and we bought a load of sweeties from a fat old fellow with a white apron who ran the shop.

“You’s boys look after yerselves,” he said, as he handed them over. Tom and I nodded sensibly.

“Oh, we will Mister,” said Tom, while I nodded, not knowing what to say.

“And don’t be getting down by the railway,” he added.

On the far side of the road, away from where we lived, the houses were small and mean. The front doors opened right onto the living rooms, and the living room windows opened right onto the street. Walking on the pavement, you could lean in on the low sills, and see crowded front parlours stuffed with furniture, and mantelpieces filled with brassware. The side streets were hung with flags; the bunting fluttered, from every lamppost. Children played in the road. A high fence, made of sleepers blocked one end of the street we were in. In the distance, we heard a mournful whistle, drifting on the summer air.

“Train!” shouted Tom, and we ran to the fence. Through a gap I could see the railway line, disappearing to a point in the hazy city beyond, and the rails silver, shimmering in the hot afternoon. The fence smelt of tar.

“There’s one coming!” said Tom.

I had never seen a train. I could hear it now, in the distance, labouring up from the city centre. It whistled again, and I saw the plume of white smoke, rising high over the city as it began its run South. Tom had fallen quiet. The street had an expectant air. A couple of boys our age, but with long, dirty trousers and jumpers full of holes, leant in beside us to see the train go by, the pistons working, leaking steam, the exhaust wheezing as the train gathered speed. With another whistle the sky blue engine was past, the carriages following, packed out it seemed with faces at every window, and away up the line with the smoke trailing in the rooftops behind it.

“Slieve Gullion,” said Tom, knowledgeably.

“What’s that?”

“It’s the name of the engine.”

“I hope those brakes are working,” said mother, doubtfully, as we turned up into the drive. My palms felt sweaty and sticky, and were dirty from the old rope on the go-cart and the tar from the fence and the dust from the trains and the road. I wanted to tell her I’d had an expedition and seen a train. But I couldn’t, as Tom’s hand was on my shoulder.

The next day we awoke to the sound of music, distant, like the noise of the train the previous day, but incessant, with no coming or going. At times there would be just drums, but not any drums I could recall hearing before. This was a strange kind of thundering and battering, without a tune as such, but nonetheless a sound which set the hairs on the back of my neck tingling. Then there was a pause in which shouts could be heard, and then a high, wild piping reel, and then again the drums and the cries, and the distant moan of the accordion or the bagpipes.

I went down to breakfast, which was a strangely subdued affair. Even in the dining room, you could hear the drums hammering and banging along the main road by the railway line, at the bottom of our street.

“Why are there bands?”

“It’s the twelfth of July,” said father, as if that should explain all of it.

On the way down the street we met some of the neighbours, dressed in their summer finery, laughing and gay. Even Mrs Crawshaw was there, with a fine pink hat, almost smiling as the other neighbours called out to her.

“Grand to see you, Mary!”

“That’s the perfect day for it now, isn’t it?”

“Is this your first twelfth then, wee man?” they asked, bending down, and chucking me under the chin.

“Ah, dear love him isn’t he sweet? He’ll just adore it, Mrs Grant. Get yourself a ladder, Mr Grant. A ladder the wee fellows can all stand on, and then you can see them, marching by.”

So we all walked on down the road together, mother holding my hand, my father absently patting me or Tom on the head and James trailing behind, as if with some secret agenda of his own.

Even halfway down the road we could see the street end was blocked off with deckchairs and old garden seats, with the younger men and some of the smaller boys standing on stepladders as the neighbours had said, and above the heads of the crowd swayed the banners, sailing like great birds over the marchers.

A gang of girls danced along the pavement, singing along with the music.

Then heigh, heigh ho, the lily, lily, O!

The loyal, royal, lily, o!

I felt the music thundering in my chest. My father lifted me up over the crowds. For a moment I could see the marching bands stretched out away and on up the road, forever, as far as the eye could see, either way, the ranks of red-faced men in bowlers, with their shining swords, their sashes and their suits, striding on, as proud as could be. It was a grand sight.

Then one of the marchers broke step, did a quick jump and a skip and was up in amongst us.

“Bernard! Bernard!” he shouted. “Bernard will you’s not come and join us?” Behind him the banners waved; silken tales of victory and repentance, of glory in defeat, of temperance and virtue, while the girls sang on, dancing hand in hand.

“I will not,” said my father, embarrassed, while my mother looked on.

“Ah well,” said the man, disappointed, his face glistening with sweat under the rim of his bowler, before catching sight of us clinging to the lower rungs of a neighbour’s stepladder. “And will you look who it is! If it’s not young Pat and James and Tom. What a fine bunch of lads!” And he was upon us, pinching our cheeks hard before glancing up he realised his lodge had already begun to march away up towards Dunmurry and he skipped back out through the crowd to rejoin the parade, shouting over: “Good to see you Bernard. You must come round!” Then, as a final afterthought: “And you’s too, Mrs Grant, eh … Eileen.”

“Battle of the Boyne. Bloody rubbish!” muttered father. “He looks a right idiot!”

“Shhh! Bernard, for God’s sake, he meant well,” said my mother.

There was band upon band of marchers and they continued all day. When the last band reached the field at the end of the march where they were to hear prayers and speeches, the first band was ready to come back, or so my father said. After it was all over Tom made some money from collecting the empty bottles that the crowd had left, and spent the money on sweets, which he ate secretly under the bedclothes in his room. But after that, we rarely stayed in the city when the bands came, though I often asked to do so.

CHAPTER TWO

In the winter it was dark early, by half past three on some days, and the clouds would sometimes be low for weeks on end, with no sign of the hills. We’d have three fires burning, one at each end of the big living room, and one in the dining room, and there’d be a constant clatter of shovels, and my father in and out with the coal scuttle all day.

“How’s Moloch,” he’d say, peering at the range in the dining room, which roared and hummed and rattled with the draught going up the chimney. He’d open up the fire door, just to take a look, and there’d be a big red eye, staring out, the heart of the fire burning away, heating the water for the bath upstairs. If the eye showed the faintest sign of dimming, perhaps a rim of white ash, or a hint of yellow flame rather than red heat, he’d have the lid off the top and a fresh load of slack chucked in, the flames singeing his knuckles, the hot metal of the lid held at arms length with the poker. “We’ll blow it up,” he’d say, opening the draught to ‘full’. “For the baths for the boys.”

The living room was normally divided by a partition which, as Christmas approached, was hoisted up with a window pole into the cavity wall above, turning the front of the house into one long room with a fire at either end. With this task accomplished, my father’s hunt for the perfect Christmas tree would begin.