The Power of Being E-Book

Andreas Gruber

• Herausgeber: neobooks
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Deutsch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Seitenzahl: 531

Beschreibung

The Power of Being presents a refreshing secular spirituality for stressed leaders and managers who are looking for ways to go beyond monetary motivation. It aims for the qualitative and inner strategies needed to stand firm in the storms of corporate life. It is touching the core issues of leadership, like integrity, motivation, and teamwork. However, it's not a how-to-do approach, but an inspirational contribution towards a paradigm shift. The concept is woven into stories, exclusively based on personal experience. The key issues like body, heart, mind, and awareness are repeated in a circular way and on different levels of understanding. Although Andreas Gruber studied conflict resolution, leadership, and marketing management, this book is about everything else than theory. It is a pure expression of personal experience, based on more than 25 years hands-on experience in sales and management, and a 3.5 years journey around the world, which ultimately became a quest, rather than a search for answers and solutions. A page turner that goes much further than merely entertaining the mind. It encourages self-reflection without preaching or condemning, opening new personal views and corporate perspectives.

Leseprobe

Andreas Gruber

The Power of Being

Embracing your Potential as a Leader

Dieses ebook wurde erstellt bei

Inhaltsverzeichnis

Titel

1 Introduction

2 What the Power of Being is about

3 Reflecting on yourself

4 Reflecting on your impact

5 Where do opinions come from?

6 Controlling our own lives

7 The games we love to play

8 Evaluate your work-life balance

9 Personality or authenticity

10 The wounded heart

11 The chatterbox that needs rest

12 When nobody is at home - up there

13 Standing up for yourself

14 Health as the foundation of life

15 Human robots

16Observing the drama

17 How we jump to conclusions

18 How we control others

19 Failures and divine setbacks

20 Finding your balance

21 Embrace the qualities you have

22 The Child in your heart

23 Clouded minds

24 Seeing uniqueness around

25 Performing your rat race – properly

26 Body awareness and regular practice

27 Appreciating your habits

28 Accepting what is

29 Exposing your assumptions

30 Appropriate willpower

31 Corporate games

32 The value of nature

33 About integrity

34 Healing the heart

35 Clearing the mind

36 Developing awareness

37 Doing or being - that is the question

38 Regulating your energy

39 Being in charge of your actions

40 Let it all go, in peace

41 Finding your drivers within

42 Driven by principles

43 Boardroom courage

44 Keeping balance in the midst of change

45 Living your qualities

46 Make happiness possible

47 Introflection and clarity

48 Solitude and silence

49 Doing less - achieving more

50 Caring for the slaves

51 Giving what you desire most

52 Reflecting the ego

53 Setting new standards for reasoning

54 The basics of negotiating

55 Loving conflicts

56 Being in sync with change

57 Creating trust and marketing

58 Living from the heart

59 Simply letting go

60 Make yourself dispensable

61 Finding and giving meaning

62 Having the courage to excel

63Why teams don't work

64 Unfolding corporate integrity

65 Corporate values - but integrated

66 Difficult Conversations

67 Dealing with collective games

68 Burning for a cause – not burning out

69 The basics of motivation

70 The basics of inspiration

71 The art of not knowing

72 What if we are awareness?

73 The power of being

74 Dealing with a life of intensity

75 The future of teamwork

76 Corporate passion

77 Finding out what matters

78 The future of marketing

79 The bigger picture

80 Giving a choice

81 Forgetting yourself

82 What if you had courage?

83 The intuitive mind

84 Reviewing the goodies

85 Epilogue

Impressum neobooks

1 Introduction

Legal disclaimer

I have recreated events, locales, and conversations from my memories of them. In order to maintain their anonymity, I sometimes have changed the names of individuals and places. In some instances, I may have changed some identifying characteristics such as physical properties, and occupations.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, they do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

Credits

Cover Illustration: Copyright © 2016 by Andreas Gruber

Cover photo: by Joern Materne

Book design: by Andreas Gruber

Editing: by Andreas Gruber

Author photograph: Oliver Gruber

Special thanks: to Daivid Hopkins, Mary McBride and Maria Rosenlind

Contact to the author: [email protected]

Copyright Copyright © 2016 by Andreas Gruber

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

The intention of this book is to inspire you to live a rewarding professional life and to be able to find purpose and meaning in the midst of a seeminglysuperficial and high paced corporate world.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

Robert Frost

Our mind is creating our reality. Therefore, this book is mainly about you, your mind, and what matters to you. To some, it will be the external wealth, for others the internal. It may also have to do with your purpose or wisdom.

Although you will find wise words from different cultures here, no particular religion or philosophy is promoted. Nor is it about reviewing ancient wisdom or comparing philosophical beliefs. Sun Tzu’s and Clausewitz's strategies of war cannot be found here. This book is intended to be a pure expression of personal experience.

It aims for the qualitative and inner strategies you need, to stand firm in the storms of corporate life. Society is changing and so is leadership. Today’s leaders have thrilling challenges and vast responsibilities. External factors such as globalization, information overflow or the dramatically increased pace of technical development, are only a few. Nevertheless, the internal factors need to be addressed because the much-needed change must originate from within if it should last.

I humbly offer this book, to leaders with big hearts, who, mastering a life of turbulence, are willing to be a rock to hold on to.

This book is written for leaders who deal with real human beings with emotions, dreams, and needs. And the most important point is, that you are one of them. The aim is to inspire you to grow, as an individual. It may give you a new outlook on issues like integrity, inner strategies, clarity of mind, and inner peace. Most likely you will also regard motivation and inspiration in a different way after having read this book. It’s not based on studies or science, but on my mistakes, learnings, insights, and mysteries, all properly reflected upon and handed over to you, where they came from in the first place.

In the last 30 years, I have seen many approaches to instill more spirituality into leadership, management and business life in general. For a while, it was for example quite posh for managers to do a little bit of Zen meditation. Often initiated and executed by people with a clerical, psychological, or therapeutic background. However, it is not always clear what exactly was or is intended. Sometimes it’s about getting leaders to meditate and sometimes it's probably just about getting them to behave in a more ethical way. You may think, (depending what side you are on), "Yeah, these managers they could really do with some spirituality." It is as if managers and leaders are not spiritual? Is that true?

Or, could it be that by the time people get to lead a business, they have already gained some experience in life, a practical form of spirituality? And could it be, that there is very little space to practice some of that practical wisdom, without having to worry about getting fired for not attending to business properly? So, maybe leaders need courage and inspiration to embrace their inner wisdom, instead of being trained in methods, tips, and tricks, which ultimately neither fixes their problems nor fulfills them.

There are many definitions of spirituality, many of them religiously influenced. A definition of spirituality that certainly would make a lot of sense in the corporate world could be – a wisdom that helps us to improve our individual and collective human experience, to make the most out of this life on the material plane and beyond.

You can find plenty of leaders out there possessing that kind of wisdom. At least many aspects are already there. The question is, are the business leaders of today aware of the necessity, and do they have the trust to make use of it - in a profitable way? Because if it can't be done in a profitable way, a leader will not survive very long.

This book isn’t about practicing something, it's about opening new perspectives, giving you options within your present frame of mind.

Every page implicitly points toward essentials, human qualities, and latent potential. It's an invitation to reflect, get inspired, discover, and to dig a little bit deeper.

Logical reasoning, planning, and willpower can only take us so far. We need to review outdated mindsets that do not serve us anymore. Ultimately this is a book about changing from within, after discovering for yourself, who you may be, what your heart burns for, what your values and motives are, what drives you from within. Applying this to yourself first will make you contribute to some serious change out there.

Old words of wisdom tell us that "the path is the goal." They suggest not to fix our attention purely on the outcome. We may perceive it as if we merely collect bits and pieces along the way, but once we arrive at our destination, we rest and reflect on what we have been through. In that moment of reflection, all our experiences will make sense and may turn into wisdom if we understood our lessons. However, it seems as if there simply is no time for that. This lack of time is not only external but very much an inner factor to be considered.

"We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journeythat no one can take for us or spare us."

Marcel Proust

We have become collectors of knowledge. But since the subtle details of what we learn are frequently missing, it may be of limited value for us. This book is very much about those missing subtle details.

You're likely to see a couple of things from a different angle. You may get a feel for what relevance or power, subtle perceptions, and mindsets could have. It is likely that you will be eager to try some of these hints, no matter how busy you are. They can mostly be done on the run - in real life. You will save time, energy, and nerves. Your subordinates will love it, without actually understanding what it is you are doing.

Have a good read!

This book has a 7-layer structure as the following chart illustrates.

2 What the Power of Being is about

The Power of Being is about being human in a genuine way, as a universal principle beyond ideology, philosophy, and religion. It is an experiential approach on how to get the best out of our professional lives and thus live more fulfilled lives.

It is based on the assumption that being and doing are of equal importance. It embraces qualities we already have as human beings, but that may be latent or used in other contexts.

It is based on the simple fact, that we can’t buy the hearts of our employees, any more than we can buy true love. It acknowledges the fact that ultimately we are not even able to buy their brains, nor can we buy or order their loyalty or commitment.

Change will take place, whether we want it, like it or not.However, it makes all the differencehow we deal with it, and respond to it.

It is by design about motivation and inspiration, since it puts human qualities in focus, and emphasizes meaning, purpose, direction, and fulfillment as elementary human needs. It acknowledges that more than fifty percent of our employees are unfulfilled or demotivated at work, not only as a fact but as a message that we need to understand. It is the wisdom of the crowds speaking to us.

The Power of Being urges us to question whether our present strategies and behavior are still valid, for the organizations of the future. It encourages us to abandon what is obsolete about our lives.

It acknowledges the fact that most employees have the volition to contribute so much more than their bare hands, and what they are paid for. Most of them would not hesitate to contribute with their hearts and heads as well if we only knew how to access them. It encourages leaders to reflect on the present situation, to consider the odds of success, if things are done the way they are done now. It inspires not only to follow the intellect but also the heart.

The Power of Being claims that it is time to redefine leadership beyond intellectual knowledge, methods, and theoretical studies. It reminds us that in the midst of turbulent times, leaders not only need to embrace human qualities, but they also need to take the time to reflect, to be able and fit to lead. Good leaders also need to be able to look beyond themselves, in order to lead wisely.

3 Reflecting on yourself

Know thyself - said the inscription above the temple entrance of the oracle of Delphi. In different wordings, this has been the core message of innumerable sages and saints throughout the ages.

Most of us do not know how exactly to go about knowing ourselves, let alone to take a decent decision. Do we use logic, or is our decision intuitive, emotional or based on a certain gut feeling? Maybe it is everything combined. Who knows for sure? Nobody will and can hand it to you on a silver platter. You have to find out for yourself.

“It is wisdom to know others; it is enlightenment to know one's Self”

Lao Tzu

There are different paths to gain self-knowledge. It all seems to boil down to two approaches. Firstly the outside and cognitive approach, which is more common in the west, and secondly the inside and introspective approach, as seen mainly in the east. But, it is not about east or west, it is about what is applicable in corporate life.

Imagine how it would be if we did not have mirrors and could not see a reflection of ourselves in any other way. How would you know what you look like? You would need others to describe yourself or maybe to draw or paint your image, in the hope they were accurate. Not being sure of their ability and judgment you might ask several people over a period.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

C. G. Jung

However, we have mirrors, and we do know what we look like externally. And what do we know about ourselves internally? What's the tool we use? Thinking? Up to an age of about 35 it never really occurred to me, that getting to know myself was an option or necessity. If I had a problem, I wanted to understand it. I remember how some inter-relational issues would almost drive me crazy. Talking to a friend about one of these matters that kept me busy, he replied, "But, not everything has to be logical." It would take at least another five years for that to sink in. Wanting to understand the world, but not having scratched the surface of understanding myself, since I was looking out there, preferring logical answers. Over the years, I learned that C. G. Jung's quote above was valid for me too, although I resisted it as long as possible. So, what irritates me about others, helps me to understand myself. That's one of the mirrors I can use to get to know myself on a deeper level.

We know about the value of imagination, and it doesn't take much to understand that our imagination can be used for many more things, other than merely imagining what our renovated apartment is going to look like when it's ready. There are many subtle dimensions of imagination, even those that cannot be clearly categorized. I'd prefer to talk about inner perception when it comes to these things.

This is not new for us, since we do use these faculties, but for a limited range of things. When reviewing Einstein's way of thinking, it should become apparent to us that he didn't promote logical thinking as much as intuition. I would dare to say that intuition, as Einstein referred to it, was his inner perception or his mind’s eye perceiving complex matters beyond logical thinking. He would then spend considerable time trying to find the logical answers to his trusted perceptions. He would sometimes refer to intuition as the king and logical thinking as the loyal servant.

This does not seem to have very much to do with self-knowledge at first sight. However, we do base most of our decisions on our subtle perceptions, although they may only partly be aware to us. We often regard our subtle perceptions as irrelevant, maybe because we tend to classify them as surreal or even mystical. In reality, they are not more mystical than the process of thinking itself. We have chosen to place subtle perceptions in the realm of phantasy. But to generalize hasn't solved many problems, has it? We may be giving away our potential because we haven't learned to handle the subtleties of our perceptions.

We cannot logically understand ourselves. Therefore, we ought to make use of our faculties beyond thinking. Perception, as I see it, is a separate faculty from our thought process. We normally perceive and think in one go, as if it was one thing, but it isn't. It usually doesn't occur to us that we can perceive and then not think, without even refuting thoughts as such.

As an example, we could perceive something and then just remain still with that perception, without evaluating, categorizing or thinking. Would we like to take it further, we could hold that perception in our heart, instead of our mind. This gives us a hint, of what it could be like to start coming out of our habit of thinking and conceptualizing everything.

While we hold a perception or thought, we must not necessarily seek to understand or find the answer. A clear indicator that we are still trying to find a solution is that our thoughts are racing around all over the place. Another indicator is if we feel impatient, then we are probably too goal oriented. Another one is frustration, which is perhaps indicating that we are looking for something special, maybe a distinct sensation.

We consider the indicators as problems, which need to be fixed, but they are our first-hand teachers. What does this tell you? Does your impatience only exist when you are doing this? Chances are, this is a general tendency of your mind. Naturally you would love to have a complete list of what these indicators mean. But they are just examples with a certain relevance. Ultimately you have the list within; the answers are there to be discovered. That is a major step towards knowing yourself on a deeper and experiential level.

Knowing many things, but not knowingthe awareness behind the thinker within.That's where ignorance is born.

It is imperative to find an application that serves you immediately. Therefore, I suggest the following practice in holding a perception. When you are stressed out or tired, and your mind needs rest because you have an important meeting coming up shortly, do the following to regain the clarity and sharpness of your mind.

Resting your mind by means of holding a perception

Sit down, both feet on the ground, close your eyes. Focus on your perception within, and hold it in your heart without further intention, just rest with it in a relaxed and clear state. Be with that fully, as if this was the last thing you did before dying. Within a few minutes, you'll notice how calmness and clarity start pervading the mind. Take that notion with you, as you come back.

Comments

It's not necessary to close your eyes; you can also gaze if there are not many visual disturbances around. - A perception is anything of subtle nature, within you. Stay fixed on the subtlest one of them. Initially it’ll be body sensations. - If the heart does not suit you, try your belly or any other part of your body except the mind, since it may trigger you to start the thinking process. - The analogy of dying can be very helpful to be with what matters. - For some people, one minute works just fine, but to start with I would recommend three to five minutes.

Who doesn't want to find the stillness underneath the mental noise, to know the awareness behind the thinker, and finally know oneself?

To hold a perception is not like focusing, it is letting loose, but staying with it. To be perfectly present, while letting go. It has very little to do with the act of doing; ultimately it is about pure awareness and nothing about doing. You stay with your awareness and let go of any intention what so ever.

4 Reflecting on your impact

We take many things for granted, we may think it is our birthright to live our lives as we do. However, it doesn't take too much traveling to see that we don't all live under the same conditions on this planet. Sometimes we don't have to go further than a few blocks down the street. And yet, whatever we have, is mostly based on what others before us achieved.

"Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."

Warren Buffett

What people did before us, does not always have a good outcome for us. Metaphorically speaking, we may sit in the burning sun because somebody before us took down the trees to make more profit. In ancient historical descriptions, the Germans were described as wild tribes living in dense woodlands. Most parts of the country still have a lot of forests because people before us started thinking about the long term effects. The term sustainability is said to be born out of German forestry in the late 17th century. Back then, they decided that one new tree has to be planted for every tree that is taken down.

(In 1713, the Saxon mining Chief Hans Carl von Carlowitz published his book Sylvicultura Oeconomica. It’s considered to be one of the first treatises on sustainable forest management in Germany and a starting point for the development of a forestry based on scientific principles. Source: http://www.forstwirtschaft-in-deutschland.de/en/300-yrs/300-yrs-of-sustainability-campaign/)

Similarly, it was decided in the 18th century, to protect certain lakes, rivers, and water resources. The city of Munich is fed by water from a river, because somebody 150 years ago thought, that if we don't protect the river, there will be no potable water for our grandchildren. Due to this wisdom and farsightedness, this water is safe to drink today.

If the holiness of a river, is not reason enough to keep it clean, then our children have to be that reason.

When traveling throughout the world, I have not only seen dirty lakes and rivers but even holy rivers and lakes that are so dirty, that you wouldn't even want to dip your toes in them. Obviously, the fact that something is holy does not necessarily make us care more about it. Not only industries, hungry for profit, pump their waste into lakes and rivers, we all do. Either we think it doesn't matter, or we think that the river will magically take care of it. As with pollution, many of us have the notion that it doesn't make a difference if I litter or not. Everybody else does it, so it seems meaningless to change my behavior. In this area rules and regulations have to be used to effectuate change. But this is also where we need role models and wise leaders. These should, and do include our politicians.

It sometimes seems pathetic to talk about the necessity of having leaders who can look beyond themselves. While I was writing this book, I talked to some friends about leadership. A young lady who recently got promoted and is managing the finance department of a huge hospital, said to me: "Our director offered me to do a rather exclusive training in leadership. The topics are fascinating. I realize it would be good for my career too, but I can't see what's in it for the hospital so I will decline." Her mother said, "But if it's good for you, isn't that good enough?" I added, "I think both are good and justified views, but if you mean what you are saying, that you don't see what's in it for the hospital, implies that you are looking beyond yourself. You are willing to sacrifice something, for the benefit of the bigger picture. I believe that is true leadership. You should not be surprised if you get offered much greater positions in the future. These are the kind of leaders we need!"

Young people belonging to Generation Y have long been believed, not to be interested in taking responsibility, until studies showed that they do, but they have their conditions. I believe that sustainability is written in their hearts, the wish and necessity to make it work, for them and many generations to come.

(Generation Y (also known as the Millennial Generation) are the demographic cohort following Generation X. We usually refer to birth years ranging from the early 1980s to around 2000. In his book, Fast Future, author David Burstein describes Millennials' approach to social change as "pragmatic idealism," a deep desire to make the world a better place. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials)

This young lady, born 1988, is one of them. What I met, was a very earthbound, no-nonsense, and intelligent young person, which seems to be ready to take on responsibility. There was no trace of esoteric, religious or philosophical approach in her statements. Just applied common sense or practical wisdom. The leaders of the future are waiting around the corner. There is no doubt in my mind that there are more than one of that kind, namely to be able and willing to look beyond themselves for the benefit of the bigger picture.

Belonging to an earlier generation, the baby boomers, I have to realize that this is the generation of my kids. Would I help them to preserve their habitat? Yes, I would, and I will. Either we do it for us, for our children or the sake of it. I believe, that to do it for our children is the most credible, because if we are not even willing to honor something that is holy to us, as in the case of the polluted holy rivers, we are not likely to do it for the sake of it either.

"Let him that would move the world, first move himself."

Socrates

Leaders and politicians can be like father figures. When I was young I was always looking for such a person, a guide in life, a mentor. In the autobiographic movie “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom” (2013) there is a scene that comes to my mind. President F.W. de Klerk realized that the riots could not be stopped unless he released Nelson Mandela from prison and announced elections. The people elected Mandela, but the riots still did not stop. Black killed white, and the other way around. There was chaos in the country. Mandela spontaneously went to give a speech on television. As his speech was broadcasted, the fighting stopped.

People don't like to be told what to do, but when we hear the truth from somebody who is truly credible, someone we trust, a person with high integrity we do listen. Mandela had all that, trust, credibility and integrity. With his words, he ended the unrest, which the police and military had not been able to stop with force, for years. A person without these qualities can’t achieve that miracle.

A true leader has an intuitive understanding that life isn't about himself; it's about the collective, the bigger picture. This is the ultimate criteria for being human, but also for being a leader. There is nobody who would expect you to be like Nelson Mandela, and yet we all have that potential.

"The superior man always thinks of virtue; the common man thinks of comfort."

Confucius

The opposite of serving others would be to serve only yourself. Altruism vs. Self-centeredness. I find this to be a rather misunderstood topic, especially when it comes to the ego. Therefore, the ego will be elucidated separately.

The ego is not only about being self-centered, but it is also very much about willpower and how we make proper use of it. As a leader, you need a lot of willpower at times and less on other occasions. Your ego has the power to look after yourself. Virtually nobody, living an ordinary life in society, can survive for very long, without some ego. So-called spiritual people often hit hard at ego, but mostly I find, it serves nobody to generalize. Looking at the other side of the spectrum, we come to altruism.

"Altruism is when we act to promote someone else's welfare, even at a risk or cost to ourselves. Studies have found thatpeople’s first impulse is to cooperate rather than compete;that toddlers spontaneously help people in need out ofa genuine concern for their welfare. Darwin's claim (that altruism, is an essential part of thesocial instincts), is supported by recent neuroscience studies,which have shown that when people behave altruistically,their brains are active in regions that signal pleasureand reward, similar to when they eat chocolate.

This does not mean that humans are more altruisticthan selfish; instead, evidence suggests we have deeplyingrained tendencies to act in either direction.Our challenge lies in finding ways to evoke thebetter angels of our nature."(http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/altruism/definition)

What would Mandela or Gandhi have been like, if they wouldn't have understood their impact? They may never have achieved their goal without that awareness, because they would have behaved differently. A Gandhi without the awareness of his own impact, would probably not have used every moment so consequently. He may have gone round in circles a little bit more as the rest of us do. He might have been an excellent man, but a man without a compass.

To understand our impactwe must look at the bigger picture.

What do you see, when observing people who don't see the bigger picture of a task or project? You are likely to experience people who need constant guidance, people who cannot see their own or other’s contribution. They are likely to use their skills on the wrong occasion, or even in the wrong way. Seeing the bigger picture is critical to be able to give your contributions with the right timing and quality. Otherwise, we are wandering aimlessly. That is probably not what you wish for yourself.

If it's true that being aware of our impact has such far reaching effects, why don't we apply it then? There may be multiple reasons for that, one of them being that employees may become too good, and start thinking for themselves. Sometimes they’ll even excel you and leave for new challenges. In single cases, it may cause you a slight problem, but overall there will be mostly benefits for you and the company. Some may fear it's like opening Pandora's Box, which according to mythology unleashed trouble, and mostly that's because they never actually tried it.

But at this stage, it's not about everybody else. Looking realistically at the situation, you need to start with yourself. And the question may not be, if you have a bigger picture or not, because I'm sure you have. The question may be, how big a picture you can take in and still see yourself as a part of it? That is probably the main criteria, because if you can't see yourself in a global or a national perspective, you may need to find your frame of action and keep on questioning that.

We are giants in terms of doing, but dwarfs when it comes to being.

When it comes to seeing our impact, we tend to think about our actions, and rarely do we consider our being. There is a lot of action on the sun for example. The sun produces heat and light. We thank her for that. That's what makes life possible on earth. But it mostly takes astronomy or theoretical physics to appreciate that the mere being of the sun has an enormous impact on the entire solar system. Its physical mass, keeps entire planets in their proper places. That is a significant impact, but it doesn’t come through doing.

The sun's gravitational force keeps entire planets in place while our power is close to zero because we tend to be hollow.

We all have a strong tendency to be what we are not, to build a better but partly fake personality. We become hollow and empty; our mass diminishes, and therefore, our "gravitational" force goes down. What is your impact beyond doing? If we want to find out, we have to be masters of being, namely to be ourselves in a conscious way, including the inherent qualities we have. Once we are on that track and connected to the bigger picture, we become like Gandhi or Mandela - every move we make will be in the right direction. We stop running in circles.

Think about a person in your life, who moved you deeply and positively, in a way that may even have changed the course of your life. Who was that person? Did he or she have to do something special to touch you? Chances are that merely being there, was enough. It didn't matter what they did. I certainly wouldn't mind being like that. What about you?

Since the word potential refers to unused or latent capability, I dare say that our potential of being is larger than our potential of doing. Ultimately it's like the left brain vs. the right brain. Which one is better? Neither! Which would you prefer to live without? You need both, right? But you probably know that most of us use one side far too much? Since we tend to look at the situation with a polarity view, we think of either this or that. The integrated view is to see both and use both. Besides, we tend to extremes in almost everything we do. We are faced with the very same situation if we look at doing vs. being.

This book is about promoting the power of being. To make being something to strive for, and ultimately reach a state where doing and being is in balance.

5 Where do opinions come from?

Traveling is a great opportunity to learn something about ourselves, partly because we are out of our comfort zone a great deal of the time. What also becomes quite evident is that people in other countries think differently. That is due to the cultural background. Our opinions get influenced by our culture as well as our religion, social background, family, education, etc. All that merges into a belief system. A part of that belief system is our values, which tend to be rather stable over time while our opinions can change quickly and often.

We may, for example, be rather tolerant towards foreigners. Our view is that they contribute to diversity in our country. A few months later a war causes a massive wave of refugees to swamp our nation, at least if we believe the media. We seem to be drowning in foreigners, and so is our opinion. Subsequently, we now form another one, based on the situation we have not yet experienced ourselves, but that is described as a fact in the newspapers. It may all be true, and it may as well not be, but the fact is that our opinions tend to blow like flags in the wind.

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it."

Winston Churchill

As I was doing business with a company in Los Angeles in the nineties, large fires were reported to be threatening southern California. I phoned with the owner of that company and asked him if they were in danger. He laughed out loud and said, "No, but we probably have most of the cameras in the world here, and the media people don't have much to do now, so they make this look huge." So sometimes our opinions are shaped by media people who don't have anything else to do or are just looking for the ultimate scoop.

A journalist could make a little bushfirelook like Southern California is threatened.Luckily this never happens!And of course, we would never believe it anyway...

I recently had a long and interesting conversation with a holy man in India. He was extremely well educated by western standards, spoke English fluently and read three newspapers every day. We came to talk about the tragic event in Delhi, of a young woman being brutally gang raped on a bus, leading to her death shortly after. I stated that many women in the west did not dare to go to India on vacation because of this, even though it is such a beautiful country. This kind man could sincerely not understand why, because according to his knowledge every second woman in the West has been raped anyway. I was stunned. But this was not ignorance from his side; this had been reported by serious Indian newspapers. The problem was that he would rather believe an Indian newspaper over a westerner who lives in the place he's talking about. It seems we are lost if we let media set the level of our knowledge.

Mass media either stops a war, starts a war, or keeps it going.They can be as much part of it, like rifles and bullets.That's where we get our news, facts, and truths.

Opinions tend to be based on assumptions that are based on information. If the information we have, is also unreliable and on top of that we are unaware of our very own assumptions, how can we then trust our opinions? It may never have occurred to you that you could be unaware of your assumptions, right?

I assure you that I had many exciting meetings when I gently started asking what assumptions a person’s opinion or idea was based on. Often people hadn't really thought about it. We call this, jumping to conclusions. I made that mistake myself many times, and I still do. Probably because I’m assuming that I know, or thinking I'm so smart. How many fights and wars can we put on this account, just within the last century? People jumping to conclusions, based on uncertain facts and unquestioned assumptions, leading to the wrong actions.

The foundation of a good decision is to question our sources, assumptions and the process, being aware that we are biased.

Furthermore, a person who is trapped in a belief system does not really have a free mind or a free will.

Many of the classic Greek philosophers were concerned with, how to reason properly to make the best use of the mind within the framework of logical reasoning. One could study that subject for quite a while, and still not know, what to do practically on a daily basis. I had the privilege to spend one month with one of the clearest thinkers alive in Europe. His IQ is supposed to be higher than Einstein's IQ was. We spent, at least, two hours per day, only the two of us, explicitly reasoning about seemingly unsolvable questions. I would deliver the questions, and he would mainly deliver the reasoning while he was thinking out loud.

To reason is ancient nonsense.To reflect is a sign of sadness.Awareness is a word in the dictionary.To daydream is the new thinking.What's next?

Over the years, I collected and tried many different approaches to reasoning. I won't bore you with all the details, but here are a few that may interest you:

To question the assumptions behind your opinions. List them and dissect them one by one.

To ask yourself what you do NOT know about a certain matter.

To test your attachment to an idea, by assuming the opposite and observing your natural impulse or reactions.

To pay attention to the hunch you had about something, in the very first moment, you heard or saw it, and follow that path consequently.

To invite a nay-sayer, to give his contributions.

To question what our values have to do with our personal wounds and consciously integrate that and be aware how that affects our view.

To eliminate our professional view, to come out of our "deformation professionelle", see comment after the next chart.

To let the mind rest, while holding a complex question, without reasoning or thinking about it.

To assume you have another belief system, and approach the matter from there.

To "slip into the moccasins" of another person and to view the issue from that standpoint.

Some of these approaches would appeal our right brain or non-conceptual thinking while others engage both sides. They will partly be dealt with throughout this book.

Although this book is not specifically about the left and right brain, it is clear that there is a connection to being vs. doing, as the list above demonstrates.

"Deformation professionelle," is a French definition, which practically means that if we for example are teachers, lawyers or doctors we are likely to see everything as teachers, lawyers or doctors even when we are doing something that is out of our usual context. Over the years, our professional view tends to become one with our personality. We even tend to say, I am a teacher, or I am a lawyer or a doctor because this often becomes more than just a job for us. It represents the spectacles we see the world through. And wisely, the French have identified this as a potential deformation of our perception. And by the way, this is the reason it is extremely beneficial for corporations to have a certain percentage of outsiders coming from alien fields of work because they are likely to stay clear of that deformation for quite a while.

Over time, our profession deforms our minds and views, to a degree, where even common sense gets lost.Outsiders are the cure if we would only listen to them.

We ought to explore and make the best use of our minds. To find friends and colleagues to argue with for the sake of sharpening our mind can be very useful and even entertaining and helps us to break through some of the traps of our minds. We must never allow our minds to become dull if we are interested in being good decision makers and leaders.

Last but not least, we are not only externally influenced and torn and blown in all directions, but we are also governed by a multitude of internal factors, that we usually don't give much attention.

6 Controlling our own lives

Sometimes more control is good, and other times less is even better. Having spent the better part of my life in developed countries, it seemed obvious that because we have learned to control things, we live comfortable lives. And yet, it doesn't make us happier human beings. On the contrary, control is often the death of spontaneity. In times when we even make play dates for children, something gets lost on the way.

Nature teaches usthat not everything can be controlled.

When trekking in Greenland in the year 1999, I went to a local travel agent and booked a domestic flight from a distant village. Since we had a connecting flight, I asked the woman if she thought the flight would be on time. She answered, "Maybe." I was a little bit puzzled about that answer, so I asked her whether the flight was likely to take place at all. And in a friendly manner, she said, "Maybe." Later, I found out that maybe is the most frequently used word in their culture. The Inuit people of Greenland use the word maybe, actually meaning "if nature allows." While in the West, we live under the impression that we can control almost everything, the Inuit people live in harsh conditions, knowing that they can never control nature. In management, there is a saying that, "The only thing you can manage is time."

Nowadays we have infinitely more choices, resulting in less time to live, due to all the planning required.

Another interesting aspect of modern life is that the more choices we have, the more we have the feeling we need to plan. Having children belonging to Generation Y, or being one yourself, you may realize that these children not only grow up with more distractions but also infinitely more choices. Having all these marvelous opportunities, they wish to make the best out of their lives. I've seen young, smart, and beautiful people planning and dreaming of their career to such an extent that it seemed as though they had forgotten how to live. I think what our children may be doing is holding up the mirror to the rest of us. Isn’t this what we all do to a certain extent?

"Life happens to us while we are busy doing other things."

John Lennon

Have you ever caught yourself wanting to get over the present moment as fast as possible, to arrive at the desired future faster? Imagine, that means that the present moment isn't good enough, and we have something better in mind. It took me quite a while to grasp what that means to me. At least 40 years of my life I spent yearning and longing for a better future. And would I go on like that, I would inevitably end up wishing the good old times back as I get old.

I cannot remember that I ever experienced tomorrow, but occasionally I have been in the now.

So what does it mean to me? It means that I realize that I have never experienced tomorrow as such. And this is not a philosophical view. No, on a very practical level I can only experience life in the now, in the present moment. Believe me, I have tried to experience tomorrow, but it never worked out for me, and I'm not the only one.

The more plans I have, the more problems follow with it. Firmly believing that the problems are likely to be there, I should plan ahead to prevent them. Not taking into account the fact that most problems never happen as I expected. And if I'm a good planner, I can make a science out of my plans and goals. The result being that I'm becoming an expert in dealing with virtual problems.

Most things worthwhile elude us as soon as we plan them.

If you imagine a desired outcome or goal and compare that with the actual situation, then the gap in between is called a problem. That's what we are missing, what we still need to achieve. To reach something, we think we need goals. We have become the masters in defining goals, and that implies a lot of problems, doesn't it? Personally, I had become a master of what was missing, often overlooking what was there.

Life is about getting rid of problems, which separate us from our desirable goals; avoiding the tedious present.

Other than solving problems, which are based on our thinking, we don't seem to know much about how to reach goals. We may think, if we only solve the problems, we will get to the goal. Well, sometimes it is true, and many times it’s not even close. Although I'm an achiever, I realized when looking back on my life, that the major events in my life did not have much to do with planning or controlling. The way job offers came to me, the way I found apartments, the way love manifested, the way and time people are born and pass away, and many other things.

Ultimately planning is the wish to control, which again is a way to deal with insecurity and fear. And before looking at the bigger picture, like political or corporate, we need to view our personal lives. We can travel to paradise on earth and still be bored. In the same way, we can feel unsafe in any environment. I believe that a person who feels safe within, and is fulfilled, doesn't need to plan and control everything. A trust in life as such seems to be there. We feel guided and gratified even if there is nothing special going on.

If life really could be planned, it would lose a great deal of its value.

A lot of people say they love sitting in a cafe just watching people. If you are one of them, can you see, that for a great deal of the time, many of them are actually not there? Their mind is gone, maybe already planning and experiencing the next weekend or the next vacation, although it may never happen like that. Some seem as if they don't want to be there. I'm one of them, although a lot has changed for me in the last ten years, but it is a gradual process since the habits of the mind are resilient.

The trade of the wise is not to know, or to expect, only being aware in that very moment, that is called now, and therefore, they know.

Just as a person in Greenland would make a fool of himself, if he would aspire to control nature, we may become the same fools if we try to control everything. Just that for us, it's not so obvious at first. Often we only find out when we look back on our lives and then it may be too late.

7 The games we love to play

Companies have different ways to do things. We call that corporate culture, and it is a thing not to be tampered with. At least, that's what they say. It's about dos and don'ts. The don'ts come in two categories, where the first is open and the other concealed. We often call the latter taboos. All together they tend to be like our personal habits but on a corporate level. Coming from one corporation to another, you probably notice them, while people who have been there many years may not be aware of them anymore.

Although, some of them are rather unproductive, we tend to accept them as part of the furniture. This conglomeration of habits come as guests and before you know it, they have taken over your house. Similarly with habits, you can’t get rid of them, but you can substitute old and unproductive ones with new ones.

Some of the games we play at work are kind of interesting. They seem to originate from a social context, where it is about defining position, influence, and power. Here are just a few random examples:

If I fear to be dethroned, I had better hire a wimp or a nerd, while head hunting a genius.

The big boss looks for a top man. The job description is breathtaking, and actually, everybody knows that person does not exist. All too often this is another way of saying how incredibly good the boss is. Especially if we take into consideration that it is very rare that a leader employs someone who is smarter than himself. There are at least six consequences that can be derived from this. 1) These rare and almost nonexistent people are hard to find. 2) Because they are so rare, they cost more regarding head hunting as well as salary. 3) This dynamic is likely to decrease the average IQ of the company over time since the boss represents the intellectual roof. This means many leaders do not have the courage to employ people above their IQ unless it's obvious that it's a nerd and that he can never become a threat. 4) Since these people are so rare, they often come from far away, and that implies higher uncertainties regarding adaptability. 5) It leads to overqualified employees who tend to be demotivated because a proper challenge and learning opportunity are missing. 6) This leads to shorter employment periods because these overqualified people tend to keep on looking for a really challenging job.

We tend to like people who say what we want to hear. Expensive consultants who deliver final reports that are congruent with our opinion are excellent. Employees, as well as members of the management team, who agree with our plans, are perfect. Our personal problem is not likely to be ignorance, but attachment to own ideas and principles. Many logical consequences can be drawn from this, like 1) losing touch with reality, as the needs of employees and customers are not always taken seriously unless the boss personally happens to have heard of a problem. Only then it may be accepted and will have top priority. This misleads companies and departments to operate in emergency mode. 2) People partly stop informing the boss, because they pretty soon figure out, what the boss wants to hear and what he doesn't. Professors at universities tend to train us to behave like that. If you tell them precisely what they want to hear, you get an excellent grade. 3) This may reduce the brainpower in a meeting to one single unit, and even that is not functioning properly because a person who is attached to his ideas and principles is practically in a stuck state. 4) Corporations end up running in circles with some problems until the leader finally gets the point all on his own, or if the matter is vital until he's replaced. Privately we act in more or less the same way. And since everybody tends to have that inclination, we are likely to accept it, even if we know it's counterproductive. If this wouldn't be such a wide spread phenomenon, we would probably declare the boss to be mentally insane.

Which facts would you liketo have statistically verified for today's meeting?

Many times have decisions been taken by a highly qualified management team, where common people wonder; what were they thinking? Decisions that seemed so right in the boardroom, given all the "facts" that were presented. Most people who have worked with statistics for a while know that you can use one and the same statistical material in many ways, proving more than one truth.

We are too busy to think, and that's the way it is these days.But luckily we have time to brush our teeth. Otherwise, we would get fired.

You are so busy that you don't have time to think, not to mention reflecting on what matters to you or the company. One appointment chases the other. You complain about the stress, but actually, it mostly thrills you. Time is very precious; you are valuable and important. If you look closely, however, you are either controlling others, micromanaging or having a slight lack of priorities. You live under the illusion that you can lead others to success. Chances are, you are just creating hot air and that you are often not even able to manage your own time and priorities.

The facts always seem to be in our favor, until we fail.That's when the real thinking starts.But, not until we crash does the reflection begin.

These are only a couple of examples of situations in corporate life, where we may be fooling ourselves. It may give us the feeling of remaining in control, but we are losing in the long run. Needless to say, that habits like this, where we may be mindlessly fooling ourselves, are not a sound basis for honesty. And therefore, integrity and authenticity are far, far away. It's not an option, for you to have integrity as a leader, it’s a must. The only reason you get away without it would be that there are not many others around applying this quality. However, times are changing. And it may be a lot more convenient for you if this book represented a wake-up call, instead of harsh reality knocking on your door.

8 Evaluate your work-life balance

When in Cambodia, I stayed in a small town off the beaten track for a couple of weeks. I used to shop for food and snacks just around the corner, and there was always the same charming young lady working in the shop, no matter what time of the day I came. At times, 8 am or on other occasions 10 pm. So, one day I said to her, "You must be working many hours, you are always here." She replied with her tender voice and a genuine smile, "But I live here." It didn't seem to bother her at all. She seemed happy there in the house where her family lived. However, what we see in bigger cities worldwide, and almost generally in the west, is that work and life have become two things that are separated from each other. This creates some serious imbalance at times. Not to be motivated or to be unfulfilled has become the standard, while stress is becoming a big issue. We seem to have forgotten how to relax and recover. We add further activities in the hope to find peace. Unsurprisingly, talking about the burn-out syndrome has long been treated as taboo, but the question is if we can afford this in the long run.

Money may be compelling, but our health overrules money, since we cannot buy health once it's gone, as well as the life that is gone, can’t be brought back. Besides, an employee who is not balanced and healthy is not likely to perform well.

It may not be so obvious, but a musician needs a good feeling for silence to reach excellence. Our rest periods correspond to that silence, and altogether it may be like a rhythm that is in harmony with us.

To find balance in the midst of change, it may serve us to look at the four aspects; work, family, nature, and body. They will be explained later on. Just to give you an indication of where you may be at right now, please take some time to reflect on the following nine essential questions. They are not for me, but about the most important things in your life. Sincerely asking these questions to yourself, is far more important than reading this book. Chances are you have never reflected on your life like this. Do it now, because you are worth it! It will only take 15 minutes of your precious time.

9 Personality or authenticity

In those days, actors usually put on different masks as they impersonated different characters. So in that sense, our personality is the face we want to show the world. To some extent, we are aware of this. We do also talk about different roles in our lives. But maybe our job should be to get rid of our personality if it implies a fake mask, which we are not. This may seem like a play on words, but it tells us something about how we interact. We either feel we can’t show our true nature or face, or we believe it serves us to slip into different roles.