Wings E-Book

Ru’a Sheesh

• Herausgeber: Europa Edizioni
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

When you learn to say NO,
Your victories turn to be over lasting
Family, neighborhood, city and the whole world
Are all mistaken,
Liars
They hate you
Only your tears are honest
Listen only to them,
Let their Fingernails be instilled into your wounds
Let them yell at your face
Telling you about your mistakes
Let truth take your shaky mind into its hands
Stare at your misery distress, overindulging
Feel your breakdowns, to the brim
Resort to GOD
Then, stand upright 
Waiting for your next battle
On your waist, you are holding your sword
The sword, that made you mature 
When you come back victorious,
Life will accept you with open arms,
Delightful smile, magic eyes
And a soft hand that will hang 
Love badge over your chest

Ru’a Sheesh was born in 1992, in Bethlehem. 
She has a Business Administration Degree, and she works for Palestinian Ministry of Tourism and Antiquities. 
Wings is her first book, written in 2016 when she was 24 years old.
Wings was first published in Arabic after her participation in the competition held by A.M. Qattan Foundation for young writers in 2017.
It was published with corporation of Al Ahlia Publishing and Distribution House in Jordan in 2019.
She has written another book of poems entitled Totally Isolated, ready to get published.
Her hobby is writing songs in English in order to improve and develop better language skills.

Leseprobe

Ru’a Sheesh

Wings

Culture & Arts Program

A.M Qattan Foundation

2018

Translated by Ahmed Gaber

© 2022 Europe Books| London www.europebooks.co.uk | [email protected]

ISBN 9791220132060

First edition: April 2023

Wings

To my guardian angels

To my mom and dad

To the late Mr. Abdel Mohsen Al Qattan whose dream was wide enough for others to be included.

Also, thanks to workers in his foundation, especially those who are fully dedicated and loyal to his noble message.

You will say NO

You will tear words and the river, slow

You will curse your lousy age

And hide into the shade

NO…

To the linguist show

NO…

To limits on your dreams

NO…

To the impossible

Mahmoud Darwish

The Butterfly's burden

Chapter One

I was extremely relaxed in the lap of the world or even the lap of the universe; I hugged, drank and ate the compassion, affection and love of the world. I much liked to be as the same as that place hoping to be always relaxed for the rest of my life. As a result, sensations and emotions turned to be a part of my bones and flesh with which they grew day by day. As for my soul, it was being formed every moment and changed eccentrically every day. My soul used to pull off many characters out of starts. It used to change and try on those characters as if they had been clothes, not traits or qualities. Those characters would be the reason for either harmony or inharmony of my world with others' worlds. I might have made a mistake when I picked straightforwardness instead of ambiguity and emotions instead of solidity to the extent that I got used to changing characters every day.

I tried to choose my traits and qualities according to that warm place in which I used to live, and not according to that world in which I will have to stay for the rest of my life.

When I was born, I desired to have harmony and coherence with life, the same harmony and coherence in which I lived inside the womb of the universe.

That was my own nature and condition into which I was born.

I woke up the dream of that dark big hall, enlightened only for once. I got up out of my bed to collect my needed stuff into my school bag. I took my high school diploma, kissed the message, shut my school bag, backpacked the bag and got out of the house to escape. I tried as much as I could to be normal. However, the main road was much known for all people. Although I had tried best to get out with the early morning to walk among trees, one of those farmers saw me calling out, "There is one girl running away". I started to run chased by a group of people of the village who had witnessed me running towards the main road. One of those farmers told my brothers while they were going to open the door of the carpentry shop. They all ran quickly to get me back into the village. However, I had jumped into the road before they reached. They were so enough believers that they didn't follow me into the main road.

I was running into the main road; no car passed to take me with my bag. My brothers reached the mountain watching me running in the distance.

I said, "I thought they were enough believers not to be allowed to get out of their forbidden village"

I followed up running very far away from the, talking to myself, "They have already made it; they have passed the borders of their forbidden village. They are much believing in their exotic religion."

My heart revved without ignition. Suddenly, a car stopped, and I got into without seeing people inside or even asking about their destination.

He reached his palace where his servants were extremely scared. He was walking inside his place as if he had been clear-eyed. He went into his room. Inside that room, there was a naked, tortured and scared girl for whom he didn't care. He got into the bathroom where he took of his black glasses. He tried to look at the mirror and touched it then, he passed his hands to touch his face; his right eyeball was totally white while his left eyeball was half white and half brown. He took his hands away from the mirror, "Why can't I see my face in front of that mirror?"

His phone rang. He got out answering happily, "Oh, Goo. My shipment is here so fast. I will be down in half an hour."

He heard her voice trying to talk. However, she would never dare to do it.

He moved towards her, "You are still here. What happened last night, I didn't kill you, did I?"

He approached her as if he sighted her. He sat next to her feeling her hair. He got a pistol out of the drawer, stuffed it and pointed it at her head that she got terrified.

He handed the pistol to her, "Kill yourself or kill me."

While trembling, she replied, "Please, I don't like to kill you or even you kill me. I forgive you. Please, just let me go away."

He took the pistol out of her hands, "Well. I will let you go away"

He put the pistol aside. Then, he took another pistol out of his pocket.

"Really!!! Will you let me go? Thank you" she replied foolishly with much enthusiasm.

He pulled the trigger, "I will let you go to hell" he finished his sentence.

The sound of his shot echoed around the large house. The servants got terrified. "He has already killed her" they whispered in tears and then they followed up their duties.

He caught her deformed, full of blood head whispering into her ears, "Whoever forgives his killer deserves to be killed again by the same killer."

It took me some time to realize that my anxiety, worry and heart's racing weren't because of my negative thoughts but because the car was racing more and more. What was going on? I looked out of the car window; the images kept on changing due to the car speed. Some images turned to be no more than shades and some others were not obvious. Suddenly, we jumped into darkness; I turned to ask the driver I was directly behind a few minutes before. I found it a long distance separating him from me. Just the shock, I got silent and amazed. How did the driver become so far away from me? His distant figure gave the image of a ghost or a black piece. My heartbeats were terrified, and my body was sweating out of anxiety. I wanted to move in my place, but I couldn't; I was unable to control my body muscles. I wasn't able to cry as my body lost all kinds of response. All I could do was to bow my head down at my chest in shivering and fear.

A man covered in black, with a black mask, two black gloves and broad shoulders, raised my face with his right hand while his other hand was placed on my neck. I felt electricity back into my body having the ability to move and think. I wanted to ask him something, but he silenced me with his mellow voice, "Here we reached."

When we got out of the car (or the vehicle we used), it was completely dark all around us. I couldn't see him however I felt him next to me when he suddenly stopped.

At that moment, I said to myself, "I must shout. I must object. I must fear more or even wonder. What do I have to do? Will I escape?" However, when I turned, I found nothing but complete darkness.

I got frightened, I fell on my knee and then I sat down. My legs hugged my neck. I started to weep and cry, "I think I am already dead, and this is life after death, for sure"

I felt him a soul next to me sitting in the same way I did.

"I must admit something. Many people we get here weren't able to walk here for a quarter of the overall distance you walked. Even how could they be able to sit down the way you do as if they were sitting on the ground!!" he said in consoling while being shocked

"What do you mean?" I asked

"It means the shaping of your soul is in harmony with the shaping of the world" he replied

"Is this good or bad?" I asked

He said, "Sure, it's good when you die (if you decided to follow with this shaping) frankly, I can't decide whether it is good or bad while being inside the house as my task ends here and I have never been into the house before"

"Doesn't it mean that I am already dead, and this is the life after death?" I asked

He laughed, "Your life will start when this house opens its door for your visit"

"Which house?" I wondered

"The house opposite which we sit now waiting someone to open its door" he said.

He helped me up, "Put your hands here. What do you feel?"

"It's a wall" I replied

"Yes, this is the wall of the house" he explained

"A house that is floating into the air!!!" I exclaimed

"No, it is floating in the space" he said I didn't understand.

He said, "It doesn't matter. As soon as you enter this house, you will lose your memory."

The door opened and I saw the house illuminated from inside however its lights never exceeded its door.

I was inside the taxi watching buildings and streets, thinking of the two days I spent inside that modern city. My mind was wandering when the driver's voice woke me up, "We reached the university campus"

"Thanks" I said

I got the number and the keyto my room from the matron and headed to my room.

While I was putting my stuff up, I cared much to put my photo with high school students in their first year. I remembered this photo well. I got a professional camera into the class to draw attention as I was somehow outcast. A naughty girl took the camera out of my hands, and she said loudly with her lovely chuckles, "Time to have our group photo." All students were gathered fast with their crazy movements. At those fast moments, I didn't know how to behave in their style, so I sat in my chair which was luckily in the middle, so the photo was very appropriate. However, my foolishness and ugliness at that time were so clear in the photo.

I remembered much more about that day; I was walking back home from school watching the photo inside the camera and saying, "Why am I ugly, foolish and outcast? I want to leave this damn village. I want to change my environment and my friends. I want to change my personality and even to change my whole life" I cried and said, "I want to run away. I want to meet people who don't know me and don't know about my foolishness. People who don't know my naïve shaping and my clothes always picked by my mother. I want to be as the same as my father.

If only I could join university out of this village, I will be able to make things go right"

I remembered that memory with a smile over my face. I got the message out of the bag to read that miracle which saved me again. Then, I lay on my bed.

Chapter Two

I was sitting quietly and foolishly on a chair with a group of people forming a semi-circle. After I had sat there for long without doing anything at all, I decided to watch the place. They were all sitting silently; no one left his place, and no one moved around that wide space except for hosts. Hosts move in and out the group carrying needed foods and drinks required by guests.

The shaping of those hosts was strange and exotic; they all wore the same loose-fitting black cloaks, black masks and black gloves. I got bored and wondered, "Why am I here? How could I come here?" I got up my chair. As soon as I got up, all faces pinned looking at me in amazement and disapproval. I stepped that all voices of condemnation were heard aloud.

I asked, "How can I talk to these hosts?"

The man sitting next to me replied, "You can't talk to them. You can't talk to anyone at all. However, you can ask them to bring you whatever you want as long as you are here in your visit. They will bring anything to you on one condition, not to leave your place till the end of your visit or you will lose foods and drinks you want"

Humming of approval was heard from all people around.

It was a wide corridor divided into oblongs; every oblong had a painting opposite to the other transparent wall overlooking trees, the sky and clouds in day, the moon and stars at night. There was a musical instrument always there to scrutinize that painting or even it was only there, included in that oblong. The sound of music was heard; the music sheet was the sound of the instrument hanged on the opposite transparent wall.

He was standing there with the expert of paintings who was totally impressed by the beauty of the painting. The expert was using his philosophy to describe the details of the painting; in which century it was painted, the importance of its painter and its precious price with some music played on a saxophone.

He was extremely happy with the words said by the expert. The blind young man said, "The value of beauty lies in the meaning of things inside our minds. The meaning turns to be meaningful if we don't have it or even, we never feel full satisfaction. However, we really watch it enshrined in front of us. Our amazement is our way to express feeling love with it. Falling in love is a way to evaluate things and their values. I am sure the next time I stand in front of this painting, I will remember your words with my mind deducing its high value. If I have owned this value, I will stand proudly in front of the painting. If I don't have that value, I will stand astonished in front of its beauty that I couldn't ever achieve. In both cases, I will fall in love with the painting despite being blind"

So, we are here in a visit!! I asked the man next to me, "Where will we go after our visit has ended?"

He replied, "I don't know. The only two known facts here are that we are in a temporary visit and that we are losing our memories here"

"Will we get our memories back after the end of our visit?" I asked

"There is a rumor tells that so many questions make staying here harder and harder. So, stop asking questions" then he said sharply, "And don't talk to me"

The chair I was sitting on was appropriate and suitable to my body. However, it never stopped feeling bored. I was shaking my right leg saying" Oh my God! What is that all boredom?"

I started to talk to the person next to me, "Boredom is thing that makes sitting here very hard, and not talking. Please, try to talk to me. We can pass time in talking. Will you keep still sitting like that all the visit time? I know it is a t. e. m. p. o. r. a. r. y, temporary"

Then, I got shocked talking to myself, "Was that real? Did this man ask for an electric saw asking the hosts to cut his leg? Some moments later and while we were shocked by that man, another person shouted, "Me too! My legs hurt. I need a saw" then, some other person shouted, "My hands and legs are numb. I need a saw. Please, help me get rid of them" So, the hosts started to bring electrical saws and medical equipment for which guests were shouting to have.

The floor was covered in blood.

I was watching the hosts wiping the floor. I was watching the faces of the people; some of them were looking at their limbs in despair and some others were looking in pride and happiness.

I whispered to myself, "I hope something will happen to end all that boredom I feel but not that happening for sure" As soon as I felt my legs hurt, my heartbeat in fear that I stood up.

For some seconds, the hosts wiping the floor were watching me. However, they didn't care much for me and kept on doing their duties. Only people (uninjured and injured ones) kept on staring at me with anger and disgrace.

I ran away.

The deformed people shouted, "Get her back. She will bring us curse and will make the time of our visit longer and longer" the hosts didn't respond to them that I had time to run for long distance. However, damn deformed people kept on shouting. I was running and weeping while those deformed people kept on inciting with their shouts that were not allowed to them asking the hosts to get me back under protest. Damn to them all!!

The hosts responded to them that one host caught up with me and stood in my way. He turned the place to be dark making a wall with his cloak in front of me. I stopped and started to stare at him. He didn't ask me to be back, he was only standing in my way. I cried, "You won't take me back against my will. I won't be back there"

He didn't show any reaction. However, his wall was still blocking my way.

I said, "I won't ever saw my limbs to follow my visit till the end. It's all about finding a bigger and more relaxing chair to sit on. Why are you getting in my way?"

He showed no reaction, complete silence with his wall still blocking my way.

I looked at that wall horizontally and realized that there was an end where I can pass. I started to run but it was no way as the wall was getting longer and wider in a frightening way.

I fell to the ground and started to shout and cry, "I don't want to cut my limbs. I want to look for a better place. I admit that I accept it to happen to others who agreed to carry that out but ..."

I stood up to hit my head to the wall in grudge and malignancy, "But not for me. I won't accept it to happen to me"

Strangely and quietly, my heartbeats got slower; the wall was an imaginary one. I have passed it two steps behind. I looked back to see that host taking his wall and disappearing.

I got back home carrying my high school diploma at a good rate. My mother opened the door for me. She desired to ask me, but I handed her the certificate and headed to my room.

In a loud voice, she said, "I have expected you to get a higher rate" Then, she went into the kitchen.

I went back to the kitchen taking some plates to break; I said in all anger and despair I felt inside my heart, "You have to excuse me. I had no motivation to study harder. Even if I didn't pass the exams, I wouldn't be angry at all being here inside that damn village as long as I am not able to leave it" I got a glass and broke it, "Because I would be cursed causing bad things to happen to my family. If only you knew how much I hate this village? If I was able to collect some enough money, I wouldn't stay here for a single moment. This is my desperate plan to leave this village; to keep on stealing some money every now and then to be able to collect a sum that would help me to escape. However, my plan seems inefficient as it will take much time" I added sadly in wrath, "The worst thing is that whatever money I collect wouldn't be enough to register in a university. I am stuck here in the distance between a place that I don't like or belong to and a place that I am not qualified enough to join"

Then, I moved into my room and closed the door to have some sleep. I dreamed of the dark hall that is illuminated suddenly and only for once.

He was sitting in his lavish salon. His assistant said,

"Sir, the university student is here"

"Let him in" he replied

A cute young man with blond hair entered saying,

"Hello"

The young master of the palace replied, "You are studying at university, aren't you?"

"Yes" the young man replied

"Do you know about your work with me?" the palace master asked

"I do. You want to move around the university for one year as an attendant for me in my activity in order to be able to know all the university facilities well so when you register, you won’t need any help. My duty is to be your assistant there. In front of people, I am your friend who accompanies you into the university every now and then

till the end of the academic year."

"That's right. Well done" the palace master said

When the young man left, his assistant said, "I am very happy with your decision. You rarely leave the palace, but the university will give you more chances to react with people."

The palace master stepped towards his assistant saying, "I don't want to go into university to react with people but because the feelings I had when I heard about my father's death was a curious one to explore the outside world. It is a desire that I have never desired or thought of. I have felt I need it only after the death of my father."

Chapter Three

It was a nice day; everything was telling that. However, I was uneased and bored. I was thinking how to get out of that village. I raised my cat in front of my face, talking to it, "If I escaped from this village and worked for instance in a restaurant, would I be happy achieving what I desired? Is it only important to leave this village?"

I took the cat into my arms feeling its fur, "Last week, I took my rage out on my poor mother. I know it's not appropriate, but I did. I am sure I will keep on doing so as long as I am stuck here. So, if I want to be better, I must leave this village. But why I must leave if I am not sure I will ever get what I desire? Nothing deserves to be face to face with frightening unknown but a high-value target" I threw the cat to the floor and I stood up to go back into the house.

At the door of our house, I met the shipping man. He gave me a present sent personally to me.

I got surprised and said, "I know no one out of the village except for my father and my father has died"

I took the present into my room, opened it and found an empty box with a message inside

My dear daughter

I hope you are well. I know now you have finished your high school and I hope you have got a good rate. I will do my best to summarize my message. I think you hate me because I have left that forbidden village very far away from you. You may be proud of me, and you might not be caring for me at all. However, it's my duty as a father to send you this message to tell you the reason behind my leaving for the city.

People of the village were gathered into the forest for which they sheltered after the earthquake. People were weak, scared, afflicted and silent. A woman came to the middle carrying her kid. She threw her kid to the ground and started to cry in distress in front of all people, not caring for her kid despite the fact that her kid's head got cracked and blood was flooding that people thought he had died. She started to cry saying, "It's the curse of Gods. I don't want to die. I don't want to be the cause of earthquakes and floods again. It's forbidden for us to leave this village as a punishment. Two weeks have passed after the earthquake and the number of killed men, children and women is as the same as the number of killed in nearby villages which we had seized and taken. Do you think it is a pure coincidence? Never, it's the curse of Gods on us. We are forbidden to leave our village and whoever leaves will bring curse in with earthquakes. We will have the same number of killed people as the number of people we killed when we seized other villages.

At that moment, the young kid started to cry. Due to the extreme fear and weakness of what they have seen, people started to remember how they had killed and captured and how earthquakes happened. What they have seen mixed with the voice of the young kid crying made them believe that the young kid had come back to life because of what that woman believed and that it was an indication that Gods accepted what the woman had said.

One of the people said, "The anger of nature is much worse than the anger of people" he knelt "I believe in what this woman is saying" They all did the same.

That way, the religion of the village was set up; it is forbidden for anyone to leave the village. I don't know about the secrets of succession among people and how they could be so believers for so long according to some words said by a distressed woman. They believe that crying of a young kid after his mother had finished her talking is a miracle!!

All I know is that I wasn't able to believe it as they did.

One day, I was in the inn with a friend. I told him that I don't believe in that imagined story of the forbidden village as it might have been a pure coincidence, or they might have been mistaken with counting the numbers of killed people. I held my glass and started to drink. When I looked at my friend, I found his body frozen, and his eyes got broadened. So, I completed with a smile, "They might have counted the number of killed people in the looted villages and then the earthquake took place that they thought it's the number of people killed by the earthquake"

I wanted to drink but my friend hit the glass out of my hand to the floor saying, "How dare you?" people in the inn were gathered around us. He told them that I wanted to leave the village they were divided into some begging me to stay and some other threatening me to stay not to bring curse over them.

I said, "What is the matter with you, people? It's more than two hundred years have passed since it happened, and you are still believing in it. Some people have left the village, and nothing happened. Doesn't it undo your superstition?" I looked at their angry faces that my heartbeat with fear.

A nasty-looking man with a bad smell sitting alone on a table said, "No. some earthquakes have happened since that time. Nonetheless, let him leave so that gambling may be better without him. He is always winning, and this kills excitement, so we have stopped gambling here just because of him."

Then I shouted at them, "Come on, people. The government had built a high school here considering our strange religion and because of our big number. They taught us the main reasons for earthquakes. Why do you keep on believing in such a superstitious story?"

At that time, I was harshly beaten and came back home disappointed. I said to my wife, "Pack our luggage,

we will leave the village."

She screamed, "No!"

I threatened her, "I will take my kids with me" she begged me to stay but I told her that I wouldn't be able to stay that she said, "Leave the kids with me then."

I said, "I can't leave my kids inside this crazy village"

She replied, "You don't know how to take care of your own self. You don't know how to do housework. You even know nothing about bringing up children but just hugging them. You are even going to an unknown place. So, if you don't force me to leave my kids for you, I will help you to escape from here."

My daughter, I apologize for picking a foolish mother!

(When I read this line, I laughed and then back to read)

"The first thing I did when I reached the town was to ask about gambling clubs. I won and won till someone came to stop me. He said, "That's enough for you. There are so many people here. You have finished your allowed time."

That foolish man didn't know that he had done me the biggest favor as if I had played more; I would have lost all my money because when a man came to gamble after me, I decided a number I trust in my mind which I would use if I followed gambling. Yet, it was a wrong number.

I took my money and then the man said to me, "Don't be late. Go and deposit your money in a bank"

I foolishly replied, "What!?"

The next morning, I took the money to the bank, and I was extremely pleased with the service of having accounts at the names of my kids. I have made an account for each of you. For the last years around, I was gambling and when I won, I always put half of the profit in your accounts that I was able to collect a big sum of money into your accounts. It's very enough for two of you to study at university, pocket money, campus, private room and stuff. I know whoever left the village of you, would have inherited my physiological traits as I know how disturbing it is to share a room with someone, I had considered it very carefully. Everything was perfect till the last three years. I got depressed that your brothers have passed the high school and they are still there inside that forbidden village refusing to follow up their education or to leave the village.

My sweetie daughter,

I hope my message is good news for you. However, I will tell you some bad news. Whoever thinks he is gambling is a stupid person. We are not gambling but gambling is playing with us. Gambling is like the friend who suddenly betrays you. Alcohol is like a friend that knows your other friend is lying and will soon betray you while laughing maliciously at you because of your stupidity after trusting it. So, if you want to have a good life in the city, be away from bad companions (Gambling and alcohol), please.

I know I have left you while you were very young, and

I have no right to advise you. However, I want you to get full use of my experiences for the sake of your health and dignity.