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- Herausgeber: IVP Formatio
- Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016
In his nearly four decades of pastoral, parachurch and nonprofit ministry leadership Steve Macchia has come to understand his own brokenness. He writes:"I've experienced great success and a few embarrassing failures. . . . In essence, as much as I like to view myself as a good or even a very good leader, I'm more truthfully a blessed and broken leader, one who is daily in need of being . . . redeemed by the Spirit of God who resides in me."In these pages Steve offers the gifts of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 as the antidote to our brokenness. He writes with personal transparency from his own experience. Each chapter concludes with a powerful spiritual assessment tool to use in reflecting on our own leadership strengths and weaknesses. By embracing and befriending our own brokenness we can find true wholeness in God's strength. In these pages you will discover a new way to live in freedom and joy.
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BROKENANDWHOLE
A Leader’s Path toSpiritual Transformation
This book is dedicated to the suffering, heartache,sinfulness and imperfections of my life, all of which areteaching me to trust and love God with my wholeheart, soul, mind and strength.Only through the ongoing restoration of God’s steadfastlove within my soul can I offer redemptive and transformative love to my neighbor as myself.May it be so in my heart and yours, graciouslyand gratefully for the glory of God:Father, Son and Holy Spirit.Amen.
The LORD is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth.He will not grow tired or weary,and his understanding no one can fathom.He gives strength to the wearyand increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the LORDwill renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.
ISAIAH 40:28-31
For we are God’s handiwork, [re]created inChrist Jesus to do good works, which Godprepared in advance for us to do.
EPHESIANS 2:10 (NIV)
Behold the patient love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the kind love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the protecting love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the trusting love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the hopeful love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the persevering love of God
Become what you receive
Behold the unconditional love of God
It does not envy, it does not boast
It is not proud, it is not rude
It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered
It keeps no record of wrongs,
it does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth
It never fails
Prophecies, tongues and knowledge will cease,
still and pass away
Faith, hope and love remain
But the greatest of these is love
Become what you receive
1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-13AS ADAPTED BY STEPHEN MACCHIA
Introduction
An Invitation to Discover Strength in Weakness
The most excellent way
THE MOST DYNAMIC SPIRITUAL LEADERS know they are both saint and sinner. Or, as Martin Luther noted long ago, “Simul iustus et peccator”—at the same time righteous and sinner. These leaders live with a burning desire to be honest about themselves—acknowledging their strengths as well as their struggles and mishaps. They live and lead from the depth of their soul, which is the essence of their existence. And, as a result, they become more attuned to an experiential knowledge of the truth about God and others within their reach.
Healthy spiritual leaders recognize the reality of living in the tension of the already-and-not-yet nature of the kingdom. They expect to experience both transformative redemption and continued brokenness in their generational lifetime. They know that Christ’s kingdom has been inaugurated and is being realized here on earth. But their complete redemption is not fully consummated until they are ushered into God’s kingdom for all eternity.
As continuously redeemed and transformed beings, they experience the abundant life of Christ with ever-increasing joy and thereby invite others around them to do likewise. Leaders who embrace their brokenness and submit it authentically into the hands of God are the ones who marvel at God’s redemptive work and serve others with renewed passion. Their spiritual eyesight is likened to Saint Augustine, who once said, “In my deepest wound I saw your glory, and it dazzled me.” They are an inspiration to all.
Consider this perspective on leadership as portrayed in the biblical text. For example, where would the story of Joseph’s tested faithfulness be without the jealousy of his brothers or the lure from Potiphar’s wife? Would we know about the leader Moses without his excuse of a speech impediment and shirking responsibilities? And—oh by the way—what about his murder of an Egyptian? Wasn’t Rahab the harlot an instrument of grace for Joshua? What about Saul’s blatant hatred of Christians before being blinded by the light on the road to Damascus? And would we know the full gospel story without Jesus suffering from ridicule, beatings, humiliation and the excruciating pain of a broken body and shed blood on the cross?
I am profoundly motivated when I think of the woman who was abused by her mother growing up and who now serves as a mentor to young moms. I’m deeply touched by the severely disabled woman who is a faithful servant leader, stuffing envelopes and fervently praying for missionaries in the agency where she volunteers time and resources. I’m awestruck by the former drug addict and ex-con who now is clean and sober and leading troubled youth to Christ. I’m moved by the fallen leader who, once caught in a web of lies and an adulterous relationship, is back with his wife and together serving couples in marital difficulty. I’m equally delighted when I meet many other leaders who are simply willing to own their brokenness, no matter how messy or complex, and who humbly submit that weakness into the hands of Almighty God to become a redeemed strength unlike any of their natural abilities.
BLESSED AND BROKEN
I’m dearly loved by my heavenly Father and I’m deeply sinful—how can the two go together?
I’ve been a leader myself for nearly four decades. I’ve had the privilege of serving others in local church, parachurch and nonprofit environments. I’ve experienced great success and a few embarrassing failures. I’ve seen incredible highs and a handful of deep lows. I’ve considered myself effective and I’ve watched myself tire into utter exhaustion. I’ve brought others a lot of joy and I’ve both dished out and received from others my share of disappointment. In essence, as much as I like to view myself as a good or even a very good leader, I’m more truthfully a blessed and broken leader, one who is daily in need of being restored and renewed, refreshed and redeemed by the Spirit of God who resides in me.
Basically, I’ve come to grips with the reality that I am who I am. I’m a new creation in Christ Jesus. I have made many positive contributions as a leader. I’ve served faithfully as a pastor in a large and healthy church. I’ve experienced effectiveness as a leader of a one-hundred-year-old organization that grew significantly in my tenure. I’ve mentored many young and aspiring leaders. I’ve even founded a ministry that’s been richly blessed by God.
But I also make mistakes. I blunder. I think horrible thoughts. I’m an internal quagmire more often than I desire and in continual need of God’s grace. I know what it feels like to be a manipulator, and when not kept in check I can drive myself and others crazy with my perfectionistic tendencies. I’ve been deeply hurt by past failures. I’ve been disappointed by the attitudes and actions of others. And I see these same things in many others who are in leadership positions in the body of Christ.
I’ve discovered that when I’m authentic, honest and transparent about all my realities as a leader, I can relax more in the presence of those who previously intimidated me. I can laugh more at my own imperfections. I can live in a deep place of freedom and joy. Most importantly, I can embrace my brokenness, befriend it, and watch and wait in trust for God to birth hope in my heart for the redemptive way forward. In essence, by living in this reality I can experience the fullness of a loving God and the richness of an emancipated consciousness that leads me into genuine freedom and joy.
I’m willing to embrace my own blessed and broken reality. I know that my Almighty God sees me as his dearly loved, graced and gifted child, and he sees me at my worst when I’m a disheartened follower or a disobedient sinner. And he loves me no matter what state I’m in. I can trust his Spirit to redeem the reality of my brokenness, and I can live in the hope of the resurrection, willing to die to myself, live fully for God, and offer myself as a living sacrifice to all who cross my path in life and service. There’s no better way to live and lead.
WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY
So I ask you: What’s your choice as a leader today? Will you confess your own belovedness and blessedness as well as your brokenness?
If so, I invite you to join me in entering into the truth about the abundant life we have as dearly loved and richly blessed Christ-followers and to embrace our brokenness as human beings in constant need of God’s grace. For the sake of this book, and with no intention to standardize these categories, I’m using brokenness or weakness as overarching terms. Underneath those terms are four subsets to note, representing both internal brokenness (our own sinful choices and painful misfortunes) and external brokenness (the effect of others’ sin on us and the impact of our world’s large calamities):
Suffering—physical disabilities, emotional illness, societal misfortune, catastrophic events, inflicted without your individual or human choice
Heartache—physical or emotional abuse, disappointments in others or in life circumstances (mistakes, struggles, mishaps and shortcomings), shame and guilt, or relational discord afflicted by others and/or contributed also by you
Sinfulness—prideful choices you’ve made that create internal or external pain for yourself and/or others and that reflect outright disobedience to God, regardless of motivation or rationale
Imperfections—those areas of your life that seem to follow you daily, such as your idiosyncratic behaviors, nagging habits and plaguing mind games that keep you up at night
I will lead the way by telling you the truth about me. I’m willing to do this because I’m concerned about the growing need for authentic Christian leadership today. And, I’m alarmed at how many are allergic to doing the hard work of looking deep within to discover their true selves and upward to God for his unique blessing on their lives. Instead, many leaders are living unfulfilled lives without really knowing why. Some are simply unwilling to confess their brokenness or acknowledge their weakness. Others are looking for the perfect leader somewhere “out there” to emulate.
Many want to follow leaders who appear put together; we want to be tutored by them in order to look and sound like them. We will do whatever it takes to reach their perceived status and recognition. We read their books, attend their conferences, practice their programs, buy their products and begin to speak like them (sometimes even exploiting their published sermons and teaching outlines). We want to somehow acquire their strength without considering the cost they too have paid (and the suffering they endured) in addressing their own brokenness and seeing how God has redeemed it and continues to redeem it for his glory.
We long to have what others have earned. We dream about our walls being filled with the same framed accolades these emulated leaders have achieved. We measure ourselves against the success of others. Yet the upward ascent to greatness feels more like pushing a rock uphill, and we are forced to work all the harder so we aren’t found out as a failure, a fraud or a quitter.
I’m convinced that the true pursuit of greatness as a leader begins and continues in the gentle humility that accompanies our sincere confession of brokenness and the accompanying need for God to heal, redeem and strengthen us from the inside out. My simple invitation in this book is for you to confess your brokenness in the context of your belovedness and your blessedness—not just once but on an ongoing basis—and then to lead others as you have been led by God: in love.
By giving voice and words to your brokenness, you can indeed experience the depth of soul and vitality of service you’ve longed for, though it will most likely look much different from what you could ever ask, dream or imagine today. Strength will emerge out of weakness—if you prayerfully submit all of yourself in trust to God. Best of all: the true you will emerge like never before, as you become all that God intends.
Therefore, let’s remember with gratefulness Paul’s paradoxical insights in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
God delights to welcome you with his loving embrace into a countercultural way of leading and following—from a broken and redeemed heart overflowing with humility, grace and love. Then and only then will you be made whole.
THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY
In the book of 1 Corinthians, the apostle Paul writes lovingly and directly to a troubled and broken church and invites its leaders to allow God’s love to heal, redeem and transform them from the inside out. Paul speaks very specifically into their brokenness: divisions in the church, immorality among the brethren, lawsuits among believers, sexual immorality, inappropriate understandings of marriage, food being sacrificed to idols, propriety in worship and the Lord’s Supper, and exercising of spiritual gifts. He brings all of it out into the open, inviting the church in Corinth to embrace its brokenness and lean fully into restoration, redemption and renewal. Only then will they become healthy and whole.
The apex of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthian church leaders is chapter 13. It is most often read at marriage ceremonies—and appropriately so, since the “love chapter” is chock full of words and phrases to be displayed in our marriages and homes—but Paul’s original intention was to invite the leaders and the entire community of faith in Corinth to live as one in Christ in this “most excellent way.” Instead of competitively hyping or disregarding one another’s particular gifts to the fellowship and continuously living in a state of disunity, Paul urges them to move beyond their differences into a harmony defined by love.
And now I will show you the most excellent way. . . . Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-8, 13)
We will explore together the sixteen words or phrases Paul uses to describe the most excellent way of love (from 1 Corinthians 13), and we will look at the dark undersides of each phrase to identify our propensity toward brokenness and weakness as distortions of God’s love. When we discover that God is truly and forever love, then our restoration and transformation process belongs solely to him. When we learn to surrender to God as love and begin to live into his redemptive love, we embrace both our strengths and our brokenness and lead others in a radically different way.
At the end of each chapter you will be encouraged to confess your own brokenness and engage in a soul audit that invites your truthful response. Here you will discover the value of time spent in self-reflection, considering how best to “be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). And in this spacious place of stillness you will know how, as Richard Meux Benson, founder of the Society of Saint John the Evangelist, once said, “the Spirit accommodates Himself to our littleness that we may expand to His greatness.” In that process you will begin to know yourself and those you serve with a greater depth of insight and wisdom. In addition, you will be encouraged to prayerfully consider how God is inviting you to assess your current ways of living in order to embrace a new way of following Jesus and leading others in his name.
Along the way I urge you to be gentle with your honesty, faithful in your authenticity and hopeful in your redemption. The confessions ahead of us will be good for our souls. Let’s leave behind our hiding and hopelessness and enter the pathway to the abundant life of Christian leadership and followership with prayerful anticipation and joyful expectation.
- one -
Impatience Isn’t a Virtue
Love is patient and kind
IT TAKES A LOT TO BREAK DOWN and ultimately dismantle my patience. I tend to be easygoing, and I consider patience a trait every leader should aspire to reflect. At rare times, however, I’m surprised how short-fused I can become; I experience firsthand how impatience can show my profound lack of virtue as a man after God’s heart.
I can often be more patient with my colleagues than I am with my family. Those dearest to me tend to get the brunt of my impatience, mostly because they happen to be with me more frequently during the worst times of my day, when I’m more tired and cranky, or because familiarity actually can at times breed disdain and result in unkindness. However, it wasn’t very long ago when I nearly lost my patience with a team I was leading. I had been betrayed by one of the members, and I was attempting to resolve the issue as swiftly as possible—but to no avail.
The betrayal came in the form of a misrepresentation of a conflicting philosophy between another ministry leader and me. I was being accused of not being open-minded about alternative personnel strategy and growth models. Even after meeting with those involved, I was alone in my conviction about what was most appropriate.
After seeking resolution on the matter several times, even meeting one on one with my primary adversary, I sought the counsel of others on the team. There was hesitancy in stepping into the issue with me, even if they were in agreement with me. It was complicated by the fact that my primary antagonist was involved in many other ministry settings and, further, that my challenger was a ministry leader with a vested interest in a much larger, more prestigious organization.
The particular team member who betrayed me had been a long-standing advocate of my leadership. He had voiced words of encouragement on several occasions. In our shared leadership experiences that spanned a decade of effectiveness, there were countless times where he publically affirmed my leadership. But this time he believed I had crossed the line. This time I disagreed with the wrong person: one of his closest friends. And I was confronted bitterly, rebuked harshly.
And I lost my patience.
Without much room to vent my frustration and inner anguish, I kept reaching out to others for strength and support. My heart was aching, my mind was confused, my work was affected and my relationships began to suffer. The very team I had spent oodles of time building was now beginning to splinter and unravel around the edges.
As a leader, I know this is serious stuff not to be avoided or brushed aside for any reason. But this time, it seemed much more complicated, and it became one of the most difficult leadership challenges I had faced up to that time in my leadership career. As my patience was tested and worn thin in this crucible of community, I realized I was beginning to show signs of exhaustion and frustration in my interactions with others. Questions from others that previously were rather innocent now became laced with (unnecessarily and unintended) suspicious and darker meaning. I became anxious and frustrated in a setting where I had previously been very much at home. In meetings and conversations I would allow myself to entertain unnecessary paranoia: What was she really getting at by that comment or question? It wasn’t pretty.
I sought the advice of a trained counselor. His concluding comment at the end of our first meeting together floored me: “The goal of our sessions will be for you to see this painful relational experience as a gift from God.” I immediately thought he was the irrational one! Little did I realize at that moment, his was the comforting voice of the redeeming Lord Jesus Christ who would see to it that my impatience would be redeemed for God’s glory. His words would eventually come true. To this day I’m grateful for this incident. It forced me to come to grips with my immature impatience and to see it as a weakness that could only be turned to strength by the grace and goodness of God.
Within months of that patience-trying season, I was thanking God for the pain and suffering associated with what had been an incredible disappointment and betrayal. As the love of God began to flood my soul, I began to heal from the inside out. The incident came to an abrupt end, thanks be to God. The lessons to be learned had begun to dig deeply into my consciousness. Much of the perceived betrayal and critique of me that ensued had kernels of truth for me to prayerfully consider. The relationships were eventually healed and restored, although not to their pre-conflict state. Ultimately the experience made me a much stronger leader.
My impatience had been curbed by the grace, love and mercy of God. Patience had been restored from the depth of my soul’s well. I came to know experientially what “Love is patient” truly means, but only by discovering that God himself is patient, and God gently encourages me toward patience too. His patience toward me generated patience toward those who disappointed or disagreed with me. At the same time I discovered afresh that “Love is kind,” and through God’s kindness I too can be both a recipient and dispenser of the kindness of God with those I am called to serve and lead. The long-suffering love of God is what enables me to be patient and kind as a leader.
LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND
Patience and kindness go hand in glove. When the apostle Paul was writing to the church in Corinth about the most excellent way of love, he begins, appropriately, with patience: love is patient. He similarly describes the evidence of the Spirit in the heart of a believer as “patience” (Galatians 5:22) and encourages their patience amidst particular leadership challenges (Romans 5:3; 15:5; Ephesians 4:1-2; 1 Thessalonians 5:14). Love is also kind. To be kind is to exhibit a grace toward another, and even to oneself, that exudes both warmth and protection. To do so is to offer an embrace of loving-kindness and fortification against any attack that would seek to destroy love among others. Kindness is soft and bold, merciful and strong, compassionate and courageous.
In the church in Corinth many issues were not appropriately addressed due to a lack of kindness. These issues included schisms in the church, false understandings of what ministry looks like, intellectual pride, social issues, internal strife, sexual immorality, marital troubles, lawsuits and idolatry, just to name a few. Paul faced being discredited and dishonored himself by those who were leaders in the church, so he opens his heart and discloses his true motivations, spiritual passion and tender love for them. He does this with patience and kindness.
There was no backing down for Paul; he fulfilled his role among them with courageous determination, knowing the great need to preserve the church at all costs. The changes that needed to be made would be a radical departure from the way they had been addressing the issues.
Paul’s example of godly leadership in the midst of relational strife and worldliness is one we must pay attention to today in our respective lives, relationships and ministries. Like so many others since biblical times, Paul was bold and dauntless in speaking directly into the impatient mean-spiritedness of the Corinthians. He defended his role as an apostle among them, spoke truthfully and lovingly into each and every issue they were facing, and invited them continuously and directly into a more excellent way—loving patience and kindness.
In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul encourages the Corinthian believers to be united as a body and not only to appreciate each other’s spiritual gifts but also affirm the need for and importance of each gift. Celebrating one another can require a lot of patience. Since he knew of their propensity toward annoyance with one another and impatient irritation, he stresses the importance of endurance and respect. He highlights the weaker members of the body and deems the lesser ones of greater importance than the body parts that are most visible. In essence, he turns their previous way of being present in disunity upside down. He encourages them instead to embrace a new way of serving one another and the immoral people of Corinth as the life-giving body of Christ, in the most excellent way of love.
This way of encouraging them to be united as a body was a bold invitation. Paul knew that the only way the gospel would be advanced was through a united body. To try and accomplish all that was before them in such a pagan ministry setting in any other way would not have worked. He knew that as Jesus prayed for unity among his followers in John 17, so too would the church in Corinth be healthy and vibrant only if they were one in Christ. He appeals to them for such unity and calls them to reignite their passion for the gospel message as appropriately manifest in their life together: in marriages, worship, leadership and through their generosity. His call was for an openhanded way of living and being the people of God.
A patient exhibition of kindness is the call of God on all who claim his name and embrace his mission. But when push comes to shove (figuratively and even literally at times), since we are sinful, mortal humans, we don’t always lean in that direction. Instead, we more naturally default to the spirit of impatient meanness. Are you willing to own your occasional propensity toward such meanness, whether mild or harsh, voiced or merely thought? What about when a frustration, anxiety or fear emerges from within and is acted out toward others in unusually irrational ways?
Patient love comes only from God. We cannot muster up or will ourselves to patience. God has expressed patience to us over and over and over again. So who else to turn to when we’re in need of patience but God?
If I had trusted in God’s patience in the leadership scenario above, I would have saved myself and others so much unnecessary pain. My impatience trumped God’s patience. I was more determined to be right than to be patiently molded more into God’s righteousness. Had I invited God’s patient love to flow in and through me, the circumstances would have been dramatically different. Instead, I focused on my indignant need to be right, and it took months (instead of moments) for that to be corrected. Kindness would have gone a long way toward mitigating my impatience, and a lot of unnecessary relational damage could have been avoided.
INVITATION TO PATIENCE AND KINDNESS
There are endless options for how leaders are tested in their patience. Consider how your relationships, responsibilities, temperament and circumstances within or outside of your control affect your personal patience quotient. What category taps into your own impatient leanings?
Some leaders find that family relationships are the most challenging. Impatience can emerge among spouses, with parents, between siblings, toward children and in what can appear to be endless numbers of potential extended family squabbles. Talk to any leader today and you’ll soon discover brokenness and at least one deeply painful family relationship, the ripple effects of which can sour their service to others.
Your team is another environment for potential conflict and resulting impatience. Teams are the place where leaders interact most intimately within their particular context of service and relational connection. Teams can either be united or divided, life-giving or life-draining, effective or stalled. Learning how best to lead a healthy team with patience and kindness is the finest antidote to a challenging team experience. As the leader goes, so goes the team.
Some leaders find that individuals the team is serving can also produce a spirit of impatience. A leader doesn’t generally have a say over who will receive the services provided by one’s team. Therefore, challenging personalities will ultimately come the way of a leader and can cause her to respond in ways that aren’t always appropriate. Impatience can emerge rather quickly for a leader when faced with such people. We all have difficult personalities in our orbit; how do you deal with them and the accompanying brokenness they carry?
Leaders who have responsibilities that don’t always match their gifts or passion can become impatient with the work before them. Examples of this include writing reports when one feels inadequate to do so or dealing with a conflict one isn’t equipped to handle or drawing up a budget when one is not good with numbers. In these situations leaders can easily exhibit impatience with themselves. What are the tasks within your job description that elicit impatience from or toward yourself?
Leaders’ temperament and the temperament of those with whom they serve can elicit impatience, for reasons often unknown to those involved. It’s helpful when leaders have a good handle on their own personality strengths and temperament and knows these aspects of the people on their team as well. However, there are many times when even a baseline knowledge of temperament doesn’t hinder an impatient response.
Adding complexity to our relationships, responsibilities and temperament are the circumstances within or beyond a leader’s control. When, for example, there are mechanical difficulties with microphones, lights, audio-visual equipment or technology during a meeting or presentation, impatience can quickly emerge. Or when there is a crisis in one’s larger community context that hinders one’s work (such as extreme inclement weather conditions or an economic downturn across the nation), choosing a patient response can be difficult for many leaders.
Along with the broader circumstances that surround leaders are the personal life situations they have experienced. We are such complex individuals, with a mixture of broken experiences that have formed and shaped our current internal condition. Our hearts and souls are affected by the heartaches and painful experiences of life. We’re also shaped by the happier highlights of our lives that feed our gratitude quotient for the many blessings God has so generously bestowed upon us. Both the personal circumstances and those that are beyond our control can and do hinder our ability to lead. Having a healthy awareness of our authentic reality—the good, the bad and the ugly—remains the best starting point for the way forward.
What would it look like for patience and kindness to reside in your heart and be restored in your life today?
First, consider what arouses a mean-spirited response from within. Most likely the reason for such a reply is far deeper than the immediate situation and potentially something that’s been ignored for a very long time. When I sense such a comeback emerging in me, it is tied to an attitude or action that has long been troublesome to my heart and soul. Usually it stems from a feeling of being slighted or taken for granted or, worse yet, being disregarded, dismissed or ignored. An unkind response can come from all sorts of places in our hearts and is often connected to a wound that’s yet to be healed.
Ironically, it’s often the “disease of niceness” that allows for such meanness to occur in the first place. When ungodly behaviors and activities are initially encountered, where is the discipline to put a stop to them immediately? More times than we care to admit, a fear of hurting someone’s feelings keeps us from truth telling and trust building in many leadership and relational contexts. We have come to believe, for whatever reason, that “it’s not nice” to confront or discipline another. But when meanness is allowed to continue behind the scenes and even out in the open, others allow their own humanity to emerge, contributing to relational destruction as well. Instead of defaulting to grace and kindness, which includes a little strictness in order to safeguard love in the community of faith, they default to a more sinful posture of self-centered mean-spiritedness. And that produces a downward spiral and a complex mess that far too often is simply swept under the rug—the cause of ongoing conflict, which occurs in far too many settings.
