Enough about Me E-Book

Jen Oshman

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Seitenzahl: 215

Beschreibung

Women today feel a constant pressure to improve themselves and just never feel like they're "enough." All too often, they live their daily lives disheartened, disillusioned, and disappointed. That's because joy doesn't come from a new self-improvement strategy; it comes from rooting their identity in who God says they are and what he has done on their behalf. This book calls women to look away from themselves in order to find the abundant life God offers them—contrasting the cultural emphasis on personal improvement and empowerment with what the Scriptures say about a life rooted, built up, and established in the gospel.

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“Lord knows that we have more than enough books about ourselves and never enough books about the God that created us. It isn’t until we see him that we can then make sense of ourselves. I believe Jen Oshman’s book accomplishes that by widening our vision and helping us fall in love with seeing God again.”

Jackie Hill Perry, poet; author; hip-hop artist

“Countless voices are telling women, ‘Believe in yourself . . . reach your potential . . . find your purpose . . . fulfill your destiny.’ But Enough about Me has a very different message, a message that is not only countercultural but also runs counter to today’s Christian culture: your life is not ultimately or most profoundly about you, but about the one who has made you his own. This is the kind of good news women really need.”

Nancy Guthrie, Bible teacher; author, Even Better than Eden: Nine Ways the Bible’s Story Changes Everything about Your Story

“The siren call of self promises much but provides little. While the world tells us to want more, do more, and be more, Jen Oshman turns our eyes from ourselves and helps us to find our lives in Jesus, the giver of every good and perfect gift. Written with warmth and wisdom, Enough about Me is an encouragement to something better, something richer, and something true.”

Melissa B. Kruger, Director of Women’s Content, The Gospel Coalition; author, In All Things and Growing Together

“Jen Oshman deftly walks through a variety of challenges to following Jesus in the modern world. Each time she helpfully exposes the shortcomings of living for the self, while also pointing to the joy of living for and in Christ. I will give a copy to each of my daughters and pray they absorb Oshman’s godly instruction.”

Jonathan K. Dodson, Founding Pastor, City Life Church, Austin, Texas; Founder, Gospel-Centered Discipleship; author, The Unbelievable Gospel; Here in Spirit; and Our Good Crisis

“For many years now I have benefited from Jen Oshman’s writing. I’m delighted that she has broadened her repertoire to include this book. In an age obsessed with self, its message is delightfully countercultural and desperately needed.”

Tim Challies, blogger, Challies.com

“Enough about Me is for those who feel tired, burned out, or like they’re not enough. Jen Oshman kindly encourages readers to look away from themselves and to look instead to Jesus, powerfully reminding them that true, lasting joy is found only in him. This book will lift your gaze in a way that will change your life.”

Hunter Beless, Founder and Host, Journeywomen podcast

“This book had me hooked right from the start. I guzzled my coffee as I considered the common struggles of despair and disillusionment Jen Oshman describes. But the real triumph is the way Enough about Me turned my eyes to the one who defines my life and gives me joy. This is a must-read for any woman running on empty because her ‘fuel of self’ has run out. Our empty hearts need to find full dependence on God.”

Emily Jensen, Cofounder, Risen Motherhood; coauthor, Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments

“In a time when our greatest value is self and the lure of this world tricks us into believing we can have it all, I can’t think of a more necessary and relevant book for today’s women. Jen Oshman masterfully ushers us to where greater joy is found by redirecting our gaze from ourselves to Christ. If you’ve ever had it all only to be discontent, or you’ve been discontent with all that you have, this book is for you.”

Shar Walker, Senior Writer, North American Mission Board

“Every day, disciples of Christ are bombarded with competing information for how they can live their best lives. Whether it’s chiseling your arms at the gym, keeping a smokestack of essential oils pumping in your house, or promising to never buy frozen chicken nuggets again—none of these things will sustainably complete you, calm you, or comfort you. The focus on self is crushing us. Jen Oshman reminds readers that the more we focus on me, the more out of focus we become. Sisters, there is only one place to look that will secure the good life you truly need: ‘Christ who is your life’ (Col. 3:4). And in this book, that’s who Jen Oshman points you to—Jesus and all his glory. Take up and read. We can never get enough of him.”

J. A. Medders, author, Humble Calvinism;Pastor of Preaching and Theology, Redeemer Church, Tomball, Texas

Enough about Me

Enough about Me

Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self

Jen Oshman

Foreword by Jen Wilkin

Enough about Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self

Copyright © 2020 by Jen Oshman

Published by Crossway1300 Crescent StreetWheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Published in association with the literary agency of Wolgemuth & Associates, Inc.

Cover design: Connie Gabbert, The Spare Button

First printing 2020

Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture references marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-6599-1 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-6602-8 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-6600-4 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-6601-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Oshman, Jen, 1978– author.

Title: Enough about me : finding lasting joy in the age of self / Jen Oshman.

Description: Wheaton : Crossway, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019014551 (print) | LCCN 2019022355 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433565991 (tp)

Subjects: LCSH: Christian women—Religious life. | Identity (Psychology)—Religious aspects—Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4527 .O855 2020 (print) | LCC BV4527 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/43—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019014551

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019022355

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2020-01-14 12:02:24 PM

For Mark

No matter the season, the country, or the circumstances, you have always ensured that I flourish. You are a great means of God’s grace in my life. I love you.

Contents

Foreword by Jen Wilkin

Acknowledgments

Introduction

 1  The Siren Call of Self

 2  What the Giver of Life Intended

 3  Rooted in Christ

 4  You Are What You Eat

 5  Built Up in Christ

 6  Established in Christ

 7  Finding Lasting Joy

Conclusion

General Index

Scripture Index

Foreword

Have you ever found yourself underdressed at a party? It’s not the best feeling, especially if that party is a lavish wedding and you are an honored guest. That was me about ten years ago at the wedding of a dear family friend. Two days before the wedding, I received news that my uncle had passed away suddenly. We were able to adjust our plans to make it to both the funeral and the wedding, but a flight delay meant we were faced with the choice of either walking into the wedding ceremony in our simple funeral clothes or missing it altogether.

We decided to go straight to the ceremony, arriving just before the processional began, taking our seats in full view of the entire assembly of well-dressed guests. It makes me sweat just remembering that moment. We hurriedly changed into our wedding attire before the reception, and guess what? Not one person at the reception had even noticed our late entrance or lacking attire at the ceremony. Of course they didn’t. As it should be, everyone’s attention had been fully fixed on the splendor of the bride and groom. All of my anxiety about inadequate dress had been a waste of energy.

It is common, indeed, epidemic for women to lose sight of their purpose and calling. In a culture that tells us we are the center of everyone’s story, every day can feel like another opportunity to be the noticeably underdressed invitee at a party everyone else is attending in full glamour. Comparisons and expectations cause us to self-examine and find ourselves lacking. Anxiety over inadequacy, across days and years.

But the Christian story we are invited into, the best and most beautiful of stories, does not offer us a starring role. It does not place us at the center of the story at all. Which is why it is best and beautiful.

It is the story, in fact, of those invited to a wedding—a story, indeed, of those lately come from a funeral. It is a wedding between a bridegroom (Christ) worthy of all our attention and a bride (the church) worthy of all our effort. It is a story that invites us again and again to remember that we are not the center of attention, but that our lives can be joyfully spent preparing the bride for her husband.

This is the story Jen Oshman intends to tell you. Though your expectations for how life should be, for who you should be, and for how others should see you may daily swirl before your eyes, there is a vision higher than those that can restore to you the joy of your salvation. Oshman calls you to a wedding where the appropriate attire is self-forgetfulness and the liturgy sings the splendor of the Happy Couple. What is more fulfilling than a life spent chasing self-actualization? A life spent giving glory to the God who transcends.

This is the good life. This is the best and most beautiful story.

Welcome to the feast.

Jen Wilkin

Acknowledgments

Getting this message in readers’ hands has been a joy and delight. I am so grateful the Lord allowed me this gift of grace. May he be glorified.

This book would not have been possible without the encouragement of seasoned authors and doors opened to me by those already in the writing world. Thank you, Melissa Kruger, for inviting me to write at The Gospel Coalition, for your friendship, and for your example of championing the word of God as you minister to women. Thank you, Shanna Davis, for reading my words, believing in my message, and making that connection. Thank you, Tim Challies, for reading my blog and sharing it with the world. You elevate so many new writers, and I am humbled to be among them. Thank you, Andrew Wolgemuth, for helping me understand this writing world, still a bit foreign to me. Thank you for your tireless guidance and feedback on every question I have had, whether big or small, and for giving me confidence to move forward. And thank you, Chrissy Wolgemuth, for saying hello almost four years ago and becoming a friend and encourager to me. Thank you, Tara Davis, for sharing your gift of editing with me. Your careful work made this book so strong. Thank you, Jen Wilkin, for your word-centered ministry to women. You have been a mentor from afar. Thank you for leading well and for your generosity in writing the foreword to this book. Finally, thank you, Dave DeWit, for taking a risk on a brand-new author. You have been a wise and kind shepherd to me at every step.

Thank you to our prayer and financial supporters who have poured into our life of missions and church planting for two decades. Your investment in the kingdom through our work with Cadence International, Pioneers International, and Redemption Parker has been more than humbling to my family. We truly could not be in ministry if it weren’t for your commitment to the gospel and to the Oshmans. Thank you for enabling me to write this book.

I am forever grateful for friends who have persisted over the years and over the miles. Thank you, Jen Rathmell and Kristie Coia, for being constant sources of strength, grace, and truth. And to all the women from our years at the Harbor in Okinawa and Betanie in Czechia, you have played a role in growing me and shaping the message of this book. I miss you.

Thank you to my nearby friends, who persevered through conversations and prayer times when I wondered if I should even give this a try. Thank you, Sue Toussaint, Alivia Russo, and Allie Slocum, for memorizing Colossians with me—surely those were the seeds of this book. Thank you, ladies of Redemption Parker, for letting me bounce ideas off of you, and for your enthusiasm for this message. Thank you for studying the Bible with me, praying with me and for me, and for your encouragement in these pages. Thank you, Joe and Whitney Finke, for reading my first chapters and sharing your photography and writing skills. Thank you to the women in my Gospel Community for being tireless cheerleaders. Thank you, Sandie Dugas, for your partnership in the gospel, abiding friendship, and for being equal parts godly and hilarious.

To my “freditors,” thank you for your devotion and care. Thank you, Kim Forney, for your tireless support and pressing me where my words were weak—you make me a better writer. Thank you, Carrie Abraham, for more than I can say. Not only did you read every single word of my manuscript with scrutiny and kindness, you and Chris have laid down your lives for us time and time again.

Thank you, Mom, for taking me to church three decades ago. You enabled me to hear the gospel and receive the life-changing grace of Jesus. Thanks, too, for instilling in me a love of reading and writing from an early age. Thank you, Rebekah, Zoe, Abby Grace, and Hannah, for being life-giving daughters. I genuinely love being your mom. Thank you for allowing me the space and time to write this book and for being as excited as I am about it. Thank you, Mark, for loving me like Christ loves the church. You’ve invested more in me than any other human—the words in this book come from you as much as they do me. I could not have envisioned or asked for a better colaborer for life across three continents, with four daughters, and over two decades of marriage so far.

And to my God in heaven, apart from you I can do nothing. Thank you for rescuing and redeeming me.

Introduction

I sat, exhausted, on my dorm room floor, my eyes hot, my head throbbing. My tear ducts were dry, and my mind was limping along wondering how I ended up like this. The sadness enveloping me was foreign. I had always been happy and successful—things usually went well for me. And now I couldn’t even identify what was pushing the battering ram into my middle.

I was eighteen and enjoying my quintessential first year of college. My days were filled with green quads, captivating classes, and social gatherings. What was there to cry about?

And yet day after day, for weeks, I was stricken with a grief that seemed, at first, to have no source. I was just mournful.

Now I look back on those days with gratitude. I can see from here that they were a gift of grace, a tool in God’s hands to draw me to himself. But at the time I felt as if I were under water, unable to catch my breath, disoriented from swimming so hard and making no progress.

Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you too have charted a course and worked hard, only to arrive at a goal that didn’t deliver what you thought it would.

While college was the first time I encountered such disillusionment, it wouldn’t be the last. As a young wife, I quickly learned that marriage wasn’t exactly what I had anticipated. My entrance into professional life as a young adult was rife with disappointment. Even my life in Christian ministry has had its share of valleys. My midlife too—a season that’s supposed to be the pinnacle, the climax, the destination—doesn’t match the movies or the imaginings I had as a young girl.

How many times have you arrived at your desired destinations only to find that they did not deliver on their promises? We’re left tired. Cynical. Disappointed in what life has produced for us.

In the two decades I’ve been in women’s ministry, I’ve encountered this story time and time again. My friend Leila always wanted a big family. Now that she’s the mom of five little ones, she’s frustrated, resentful that her husband doesn’t help around the home, and drowning in behavioral issues with several of her young boys. A single friend, Andrea, has climbed the corporate ladder with finesse. While she is making well into six figures and has the business lifestyle she always wanted, she’s finding that it falls short of the personal fulfillment she anticipated. And then there’s Dana, who seemingly excels at doing it all: work, motherhood, church, kids’ sports—the works. But in private she confesses that she feels like a failure at all of them and if she could, she’d run away, if only for a break and a feeble attempt at finding temporary peace.

These stories and confessions aren’t unique to the ladies sharing their burdens at Bible study. The wider world notices this phenomenon too. Our present moment bears witness to a growing population of hurting women.

While I don’t recommend turning to Oprah for advice, her empire does have its finger on the pulse of today’s American women. An Oprah.com article titled “The New Midlife Crises for Women” captures what I’m talking about. The article cites research that “women’s happiness has ‘declined both absolutely and relative to men’ from the early ’70s to the mid 2000s. More than one in five women are on antidepressants.”1

I see this in my own town, where the deteriorating mental health of women is a major public health concern. According to a county human services worker, the suicide rate among women is exceptionally high here in the Denver suburbs. A friend who is an emergency responder shared that his team often answers 911 calls from women who have overdosed on drugs and alcohol—frequently in the middle of the day. A nearby neighbor recently lost her rights to her children after driving them to school while intoxicated.

What is going on? Why are women—from the teen years through midlife and beyond—languishing so? We now have greater access to education, professional opportunities, wealth, and self-determination than ever before. We can seemingly have it all—or at least much more than we had in the past and considerably more than women in other parts of the world. And yet, we’re more depressed than ever.

This is not what the giver of life intended.

Back on the floor of my college dorm room, I sat with my dusty Bible that I had brought to college but never opened. Although I believed in God, I didn’t know his word. That night, however, I grabbed it like a lifeline, reaching out for something more, something to help me catch my breath, find peace, and heal me.

I arrived at the end of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane to pray before he was to endure the cross. What captivated me was that even in his unspeakable grief Jesus prayed to the Father, “Not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39). In the emotional brutality of Gethsemane I saw a Son sweetly surrendered to his Father, trusting him with immeasurable pain.

My soul longed to trust too. I didn’t think then, and I don’t think now that my suffering was on par with Jesus’s. Even then, as an inexperienced Bible reader, I grasped that my valley of despair was nothing compared to the prospect of hanging on a cross and bearing the weight of the world’s sins.

But in those pages, I sensed that God was standing ready to heal me. He wanted to provide relief for my sadness. Through his word, it felt like God was saying to me, “Jen, I will heal you. But you’ve got to give me your whole self.” In that valley, I knew the Lord was asking me to surrender. I didn’t know what that meant or how I might do it. But I longed to be healed.

If you too find yourself sitting on a floor, then this book is for you. Maybe you’re on the boardroom floor in your company’s office building, or the nursery floor knee-deep in diapers, or the floor of your master bedroom wondering how to repair your marriage. You might be on a floor overseas, or in the heart of a city, or in the middle of nowhere. You may be on a floor you never envisioned, or perhaps you are sitting squarely where you had hoped you would be, but it’s not turning out as you thought.

Or maybe you’re not on the floor at all right now. If things are going really well for you, rejoice! But we know that in our fallen world, promises are broken and dreams don’t always come true. A floor moment is likely coming. On this side of heaven, no one is left unscathed.

Wherever you find yourself, as a woman in this age you are likely battling some disillusionment, disenchantment, or disappointment with what life has brought you. This book will explore both how we got here and how we might get closer to the abundant life that Jesus promised to those who believe (John 10:10).

A brief word of caution before we get started: This book is not meant to address the real challenges of clinical depression. The pages that follow are written with the discouragement in mind that is commonplace among women today. If you suspect that you are experiencing significant mental illness, please seek the wisdom and treatment of a licensed counselor.

In the chapters to come we’ll examine the societal norms and practices that have delivered us into our current crisis of unhappiness. We’ll step back and ask why the world’s wisdom hasn’t given us what it promised it would. We’ll specifically wrestle with why Christian women are disheartened. Why is it that nearly half of women who attend church say they experience no emotional support there?2

After diagnosing how we got here, we’ll turn our hearts and minds toward God’s word. How did God make us? To what has he called us? How exactly can “the God of hope fill [us] with all joy and peace” (Rom. 15:13)?

As we turn these pages together, I hope that we will come to a fuller understanding of the gospel. It is the story of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection. It is the message of salvation. And it is also our daily hope and source of strength for whatever comes. God calls us to root ourselves in Christ Jesus the Lord, to be built up in him, and to be established in him (Col. 2:6–7). When we do that, we will find the lasting joy we’re looking for.

1. Ada Calhoun, “The New Midlife Crisis: Why (and How) It’s Hitting Gen X Women,” Oprah.com, http://www.oprah.com/sp/new-midlife-crisis.html/, accessed January 2018.

2. “Five Factors Changing Women’s Relationship with Churches,” Barna website, June 25, 2015, https://www.barna.com/research/five-factors-changing-womens-relationship-with-churches/.

1

The Siren Call of Self

I am nearing my fortieth birthday. In just a couple weeks my friends and family will gather to celebrate, and I’m looking forward to it. Forty. It’s a much-anticipated age.

Did you know that starting in 1970 Jennifer was the most popular name in North America for fourteen years in a row? One news article called it the Jennifer Juggernaut because there has never been another name phenomenon like it.1

There’s an entire generation of us. Just about every third girl in all of my classes from kindergarten through college was named Jennifer, Jen, or Jennie (Or is it spelled Jenny? My grade school worksheets reveal that I never could figure that out.). We are everywhere.

We Jennifers were born when America’s favorite films were Grease, Saturday Night Fever, Star Wars, and The Pink Panther. Pretty groovy. Bell-bottoms and leisure suits marked the fashion scene. In my birth pictures, my dad is rocking a butterfly collar. My mom’s hair is cut in the then-popular pageboy style. With my parents’ on-point fashion sense, you know I had to be a Jennifer. Just another sign of the times.

Some of my earliest memories from the 1980s include fashions that I see again now when I go shopping with my daughters: high-waisted jeans and crop tops, shoulder pads, jean jackets, and fanny packs. I’m in favor of the jeans—last year we called them “mom jeans,” but my daughters swear that high-waisted jeans are different and immeasurably superior to mom jeans. Whatever the case, this almost-forty mom is happy to say sayonara to low-rise denim. But do we have to be so quick to welcome back fanny packs and shoulder pads?