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- Herausgeber: Crown House Publishing
- Kategorie: Bildung
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018
Elaine Halligan's My Child's Different: The lessons learned from one family's struggle to unlock their son's potential explores the enabling role that parents can play in getting the best out of children who are seen as 'different' or 'difficult'. Foreword by Dr Laura Markham. Society favours children, and adults, who conform. The notion that our children may be shunned for being 'different' breaks our hearts, but there is plenty we can do to help such children develop into thriving, resilient adults. In My Child's Different Elaine shares the true story of her son Sam, who by the age of seven had been excluded from three schools and was later labelled with a whole host of conditions ranging from autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) to pathological demand avoidance (PDA), before finally being diagnosed with dyslexia. He had become 'the Alphabet Kid'. His family never gave up on him, however Drawing lessons from Sam's transformational journey from difficult child to budding entrepreneur, My Child's Different offers encouragement to parents who may be concerned about what the future might hold, and demonstrates how with the right support and positive parenting skills their children can grow up to surprise and delight them. The book chronicles Sam's journey from birth to adulthood, allowing readers to spot past and present patterns that may be comparable with their own children's experiences, and provides pragmatic parenting advice that will be of benefit to any parent whose children who may or may not have a diagnosed learning difficulty struggle with life educationally or socially. Elaine writes with warmth and compassion as she revisits the challenges faced, the obstacles overcome and the key interventions that helped instil in Sam a sense of self-belief, a drive to succeed and an emotional intelligence beyond his years. Interspersed throughout the narrative are the reflections and insights of parenting expert Melissa Hood, who illustrates the key concepts from Sam's story and shares practical positive parenting techniques to help parents better connect with their children. Also included are contributions from Sam himself providing an additional, uniquely rich perspective that will help deepen parents' understanding of their children's feelings and emotions. Suitable for parents, educators and anyone who works with children, My Child's Different is a celebration of all the unique qualities that those who are different bring to society.
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Praise for My Child’s Different
My Child’s Different can provide us all with renewed faith in our own children, regardless of the difficulties we experience with them along the way, and offers plenty of professional advice that will be of benefit to any parent.
Bonnie Harris, Director, Connective Parenting – www.connectiveparenting.com – and author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons
The whole Halligan family should be thanked for their honesty and openness in writing My Child’s Different, and I think this book will do a great deal of good.
Barry Huggett, OBE, Principal, More House Foundation
Many parents raising a child with SEN can find getting the help they need a struggle, but in My Child’s Different Elaine Halligan provides hope to these families. Written in an easy-going, down-to-earth tone, this book offers an incredibly insightful and honest account of her own family’s journey and provides useful strategies that parents can use with their children.
Naomi Richards, life coach, The Kids Coach – www.thekidscoach.org.uk – and author of The Parent’s Toolkit and Being Me (and Loving It)
My Child’s Different is a wonderful guide to navigating the choppy waters of parenthood. With wit, warmth and wisdom, Elaine Halligan shows us how to help our children overcome the toughest obstacles to find their own place in the world.
Carl Honoré, author of In Praise of Slow and Under Pressure
In My Child’s Different Elaine Halligan has had the imagination and the wisdom to tell her story both as a mother and as someone with skills and training in parenting education. It is a mother’s story told from the heart that many will identify with, and indeed learn many pearls of wisdom from.
Judy Reith, parenting coach, author and founder of Parenting People – www.parentingpeople.co.uk
A must-read for any parent bringing up a child who is seen as ‘different’ or ‘difficult’. The unique combination of her personal account of Sam’s troubled early years together with the contributions of positive parenting expert Melissa Hood makes this a practical, inspirational read for any parent worried about what the future looks like for their child.
Susan Stiffelman, marriage and family therapist and author of Parenting without Power Struggles and Parenting with Presence
Elaine and Sam’s journey is an incredible story of hope, and its retelling in this book is perfectly balanced with positive parenting theory, practical guidance and the intense unconditional love that all parents will relate to. Every parent needs to read My Child’s Different.
Paul Dix, Executive Director, Pivotal Education and author of When the Adults Change, Everything Changes
An important book that will undoubtedly change many lives for the better, My Child’s Different is also a must-read for educators and anyone working with children so that they can gain a better understanding of how to support their challenging students, and be able to recommend this book to their families.
Kelly Pietrangeli, author and ‘Mama Motivator’, Project Me for Busy Mothers
I love this book! Beautifully written with marvellous clarity and candour, Elaine Halligan’s narrative shares the ups and downs, the daily challenges, the small sequential steps forward and the heartbreaks and triumphs of parenting Sam.
Sam’s story is one of remarkable ultimate success, but the book is not a sugarcoated ‘Pollyanna’ account – rather it is one filled with exquisite details of the two-steps-forward-one-step-back experience of raising a child with a significant disability. Further gifts for the reader include insights from Sam’s therapist, and even commentary from Sam himself.
Emily Perl Kingsley, former director, National Down Syndrome Congress and former writer, Sesame Street
Foreword
‘Does positive parenting work with a challenging child?’
This is the most common question I hear from parents when I describe my approach to parenting. Positive parenting is simply parenting that focuses on a loving connection with the child rather than using control techniques like punishment and shame, so logically it should ‘work’ with any human. But with challenging children, parents are often desperate. They see that their child is ‘out of control’ and they can’t imagine that there’s a compassionate way to get their child back on track.
The book you are holding – My Child’s Different – is the answer to this question. Elaine Halligan’s true story of her family’s journey with a child who is different (her son Sam) engages the reader from the start. Her heartfelt account describes many incidents of anguish and embarrassment on the journey to gradual discovery and growth, and allows the reader to experience travelling the very potholed road that is living with a child of difference.
As this story unfolds, you see the transformation of an angry, struggling child into a capable, reflective, wonderful young man. What makes that transformation possible is the transformation of his parents, who learn the positive parenting approach that brings out the best in their son.
But this story is not just Elaine’s (or even Sam’s). This story has the ability to shape the lives of other families, maybe yours.
If you have a differently wired child, you know it. You also know that your child doesn’t necessarily respond as other children do to the ‘strategies’ suggested by all those well-meaning people who insist on giving you advice on raising a child. Maybe you sometimes wonder how you can get through to a child who at times seems impossible to reach.
You may have a child who has a sensory processing issue, an attention deficit of some kind, or severe anxiety that leads to rages. Your child may be very bright but underperforming at school or not connecting so well with their peers. Your child may be the one who is always in trouble at school. Maybe they’re highly impulsive, have trouble managing their emotions and lash out, beyond the age when other kids seem to be able to control their feelings. Maybe they’ve been diagnosed with dyslexia, high functioning autism or oppositional defiant disorder. Or your child may not have been labelled with any of the usual acronyms, but their temperament is so intense or sensitive as to set them apart from other, ‘easier’ kids.
Children like this get used to constant negative feedback, correction and criticism. It’s not their parents’ fault – these kids are a handful and just getting through the day with them would wear out any parent. But by the time these kids get to school, their self-esteem is already eroded. Then, when they try to cope in school and find it hard – to focus, to learn, to manage their bodies and emotions – their frustration and anxiety explodes.
Is there a way to respond to the behaviour of a child like this that helps them manage their anxiety and anger, that motivates them to persevere when learning is tough, that supports them to become their best selves? We know that the conventional parenting approach of reprimands, nagging, lectures, threats and punishment just makes things worse. In this book, Elaine Halligan describes another way: the positive parenting skills that turned things around with her son.
As Elaine and her husband Tony learned to use descriptive praise, Sam’s sense of self-worth started to improve, and as he felt more successful, he became more cooperative. When they began to validate Sam’s feelings of anger, hopelessness and frustration, he felt more connected to his parents and more motivated to follow their rules – and he gained the capacity to manage his emotions more effectively. As they learned to respond constructively to unwanted behaviours without making Sam feel worse or damaging his self-esteem, he began to take responsibility and learn from his mistakes. And so Sam blossomed into a confident young man who became a leader at school and an entrepreneur in life.
Elaine’s personal story is told through the lens of her work as a parenting coach, which enriches her perspective and the lessons for readers. Her business partner of nine years at The Parent Practice, Melissa Hood, was Elaine’s guide throughout much of her odyssey with Sam – and she adds to the value of My Child’s Different by contributing her own perspective to each chapter, analysing what was happening with Sam at each stage and giving practical advice on how parents can support their children to be their best.
If you have a child who is different in any way, you’ll identify with much of Elaine’s experience. You’ll smile ruefully at the story of Sam’s animal escapades and cringe in sympathy over his science lab tribulations. The Halligans’ battles with the authorities in getting the support Sam needed and their navigation of the complex education and health systems may resonate with you. But above all, this book will offer hope to any parent.
My Child’s Different is an inspiring success story, and not just because Sam, at 22, is showing every sign of realising his full potential. This is a story of what can be overcome when parents really believe in their child – and of what makes the difference.
Dr Laura Markham
Acknowledgements
I have a list of fifty things to do before I die, and I have to confess that writing a book has never featured on that list! However, as friends and family watched Sam’s life unfold, I have lost count of the number of times they encouraged me to put pen to paper and tell his story. I also felt I had to wait till he was of an age where he could agree, or not, to his story being told. This book is the culmination of years of positive parenting, and Sam is fully on board with sharing his experiences.
Thank you, first, to my incredible family. To Tony, my wonderful husband, who has been my rock throughout our three decades together, coping through thick and thin and helping me keep my sanity. His selflessness continues to be a theme throughout our marriage. He is a giver and an incredibly generous person. If it had not been for you arriving in South Africa as a homeless Kiwi, we would never have met! And to my fabulously independent and amazing daughter Izzy, who has endured much, and shows great maturity. I sometimes wonder who is parenting whom, as she has an emotional intelligence beyond her years.
To Mum and Dad, who are the most supportive, positive and encouraging parents a daughter could wish for.
To my remarkable business partner Melissa Hood, who taught me all I needed to know about positive parenting and who has been there over the years to help us through each emotional crisis. Her authoritative voice provides the parental guidance in this book. Without her constant support, wisdom and compassion, I am certain I would not have been in a position to write it at all.
To my book mastermind/coach, Alison Jones, for her unfailing belief that I could accomplish this, and for guiding me step by step in pulling the story together. All that time spent together, interviewing Sam as a young adult, and transcribing his innermost thoughts and feelings, was a powerful, cathartic process and one, I realised with hindsight, that needed to be done.
To my truly gifted and talented editor, Julia Slone-Murphy, who was able to tap into my mindset and work her magic with my words to bring the story to life.
To Annabel, our Australian au pair, who was a breath of fresh air for us all and whose colourful personality, energy and passion ensured the children were well cared for. Her perceptiveness and insight were remarkable for someone so young. Now with three children herself, she is a warm and empathetic mum.
To the gorgeous Hayley, our South African au pair, who is now married to a Zambian farmer. Together, they run a chicken business and have their own clutch of children. She has also set up a local school. She credits her adept parenting skills to the experience she had with us. I say it was a baptism of fire for her at such a young age, but it certainly played a part in making her the very resourceful and solution-focused young woman she is today.
To all Sam’s teachers over the years. The positive influence good teachers can have on a child’s life is incredible, and, to my eyes, the teaching profession is one of the most noble in the world. We entrust teachers with our children, not only to educate them but also to nurture their minds, and I believe they matter more to a student’s achievement than any other aspect of schooling. For Sam, the teachers at Knowl Hill School, in particular, listened carefully to his needs and differentiated their routine to enable him to cope. I will forever be grateful for that.
Thank you to Mrs Stiff, Sam’s form tutor at More House School. Patience should be her middle name, and her kindness and compassion ensured Sam’s success in his first year.
To Mr Morgan, who not only taught Sam product design (the revolving coffee table Sam made in his class, with hidden storage and lifting table top, is still in good use today) but also showed him true grit and resourcefulness.
To Mr James Babbage, the new business studies teacher with just one A level student: Sam. They made a formidable team, with James teaching Sam business studies, and Sam trying to teach James golf. They still spend many a weekend on the golf course together. (‘You just need to invest some time in getting a good golf coach to teach you the basics,’ Sam loves to say. ‘A good teacher can make all the difference, James!’)
To Mrs Rouse, for inspiring Sam in art and pottery and for allowing his creativity to flourish.
To Mr Kirkham, who, as head of sixth form, encouraged Sam to apply for the role of head boy and allowed him to develop his leadership style unconstrained.
To all my clients who are parents and to my friends, who read the sample chapters and gave me such encouraging feedback. I so appreciate your time and valuable, insightful comments. You know who you are and there are so many of you to thank. It was your feedback and encouragement that helped shape this dream into a reality.
I also thank you, dear reader, for choosing this book. It is a testament to your commitment to your family, and shows that you are curious and willing to learn. I hope this book can support you in taking the next steps to unlocking your child’s potential.
And finally, the greatest thanks go to our son, Sam. A natural entrepreneur, Sam really does add value to people’s lives, in terms of contributing to their happiness and enjoyment of life. Throughout his education, teachers liked him and helped him. What’s fascinating is that he has no comprehension of why they did so. He doesn’t know what they saw in him, yet the qualities he possesses are so clear to everyone else: he has an infectiously positive outlook on life, an ability to make people feel good about themselves, a creative mind, an ability to problem-solve, and a great sense of humour, not to mention an incredible spirit for adventure that is anxiety inducing for this mum! At last, that brilliant diamond I always sensed was there is now gleaming for all to see.
Contents
Introduction
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
Attributed to Maya Angelou, American poet, memoirist and civil rights activist
For the past fourteen years, my family and I have been riding a rollercoaster. Not the fast, fun, three-minute ride you can walk away from afterwards, but the emotional kind. You know the one. The kind that rattles you around and strips you raw, that elates you and thrills you, overwhelms and terrifies you. It’s exhilarating and exhausting and lasts a lifetime and yet somehow, looking back, might feel like a moment. We have lived it all: from utter despair and hopelessness to profound joy and the greatest celebrations of life.
This book is about our son, Sam.
By the time he was seven, Sam had been excluded from three schools and was burdened with a plethora of diagnostic abbreviations that led to him becoming known as the Alphabet Kid. He was incredibly impulsive and had little self-control. As a family, we spent many years in crisis. Sam began to feel very different and inadequate, and we began to think his future was in a young offenders’ institution. We knew he was a good and capable boy with a strong moral compass, but it took us many years to really understand his needs and temperament and to realise that his difficulties were varied and complex.
Society expects children, and adults, to conform. We are quick to judge those who present differently, and if our children behave inappropriately we often believe this behaviour is a reflection on our parenting, and that any criticism is directed at us.
The notion that our children may be shunned by society for being different breaks our hearts, and being judged by others can be one of a parent’s biggest fears. It is something I experienced regularly.
One of my friends, who has a teenage son on the autistic spectrum, describes the situation with clarity: ‘By far the hardest part is the exclusion that families like ours suffer. You see it in the eyes of people you’ve just met when they can’t wait to get away from your child. It’s very painful.’
We never gave up on Sam. Over the years, we tried almost every behavioural, physical, emotional and pharmaceutical treatment and programme available. I have put it all in this book – from the bewildering array of Sam’s assessments and diagnoses, on-the-floor public tantrums and struggles in unsuitable mainstream education, to fleeting glimpses of hope, significant breakthroughs and, ultimately, achievements we never could have imagined in those early years.
I often tell people that our young Sam was like a stone covered in mud. Over time, as we gained new skills and better resources, we were able to work at this stone, carefully whittling down through his difficulties, fears and stresses, until we had lifted every layer that had been obscuring him and there discovered a brilliant, sparkling diamond – a young man who has kindness, resilience and clarity of vision, as well as an inner strength and confidence that belie his past experiences.
A transformative figure in this story is Melissa Hood. Founder of The Parent Practice, she was our parenting coach, our salvation, and is now one of our dearest friends. If she hadn’t come into our lives when she did, I am not sure what would have happened to us all as a family unit. Our journey led me to parenting coaching too, and Melissa and I are now partners at The Parent Practice.
I’ve gone from feeling an overriding sense of failure in my abilities as a mother to believing that, as parents, the biggest impact we have on our children’s lives is through the power of our words.
This is the story of how the ‘different’, ‘difficult’ boy became a capable, confident young man, and what we discovered on the journey. Our intention is to inspire and encourage you on your own journey, and maybe help you find the strategies that will make that journey a better experience, with a better outcome, for everyone involved.
You, too, can learn to unlock your child’s potential
My wish is that this book conveys hope.
You may be a parent, a grandparent, a bonus parent in a blended family, a teacher, a learning support assistant or a therapist – whatever your role, you want to help a child and maximise their potential.
Perhaps, like Sam, your child is different in some way. Perhaps they’ve been diagnosed with specific learning needs, or you just sense something isn’t quite right. Perhaps you find your child tricky to handle, but don’t know what the problem is or how to fix it. Or you may simply have an overwhelming sense that, for a variety of reasons, socially or intellectually, your child is often misunderstood.
You are the expert on your child. And while you may be feeling overwhelmed or anxious about the future, if you are reading this book, you have not given up on your child or on finding ways to move beyond where you are now.
You are the biggest influence on your child’s mindset. The power of your words and actions can have a massive impact on their self-worth.
This book is a chronological story of Sam’s formative years, from birth to young adulthood. In each chapter, you will glean insight into how Sam felt and what his thoughts and beliefs were at each stage of his schooling. You will also hear Melissa’s professional insight and pragmatic parenting advice that you, too, can use. We all want to ensure our children are happy and successful and that they enter adulthood with high self-esteem and sufficient resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them. Melissa will show you how to get into action quickly in your own families, with your own ‘different’ or ‘difficult’ children.
Sam has had an incredible impact not only on our lives as a family but also on others around him. His development has been wonderful to watch and be involved in, and I hope by sharing my personal – as well as professional – experience, this book will give you hope, optimism and guidance.
All the best in raising your children. You are their rock, you are their inspiration, and you are never going to give up!
Melissa says: My first meeting with the Halligans
Melissa says: My first meeting with the Halligans
I first met the Halligans when they came to the behavioural centre where I worked. Sam was seven. At some point during our meeting, he got upset and brought his fist down with his entire weight behind it onto his mother’s already sore foot, causing her a great deal of pain. He was a very angry little boy.
And with good reason. There’s always a reason. You’ll read here about his history and understand why he had so much stored frustration, and you’ll begin to see why he could not express it any other way.
One of the things I noticed about Sam during our first meetings was his acute powers of observation. I praised him for his perceptiveness and talked about how paying attention to detail was such a useful quality. He immediately responded with a big grin. This very impulsive boy had never seen himself as someone who could slow down enough to notice things that others didn’t. I thought, ‘We can work with this boy’!
I’ve now known Elaine and Tony for fourteen years. Never before had I witnessed such dedication in two parents to making life good for their children in the face of overwhelming difficulties. The Halligans completely embraced the positive parenting skills I taught them and found support for Sam through different therapies and educational provision.
What he has achieved could not have been predicted when he was seven, and his parents’ belief in him played no small part in his growth in self-worth.
1
Us, and Our Blue-Eyed Boy
(The Calm Before the Storm)
The greatest gift a couple can give their baby is a loving relationship, because that relationship nourishes Baby’s development.
John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, And Baby Makes Three
I come from a loving, caring family that does not judge. The values of giving and putting others first were instilled in me from an early age by both my parents.
My memories of being a tween are of helping my mother run the shop at the local mental health hospital on the outskirts of Edinburgh. I loved playing shopkeeper, taking money and selling over the counter, although I realise now that the experiences I had there were more profound than I appreciated at the time. At this young age, I was interacting with adults with severe mental health disorders, and it was an important introduction for me to people with differences. Now in her late seventies, my mother still devotes herself to serving others: helping at the local hospice four days a week, which she says feels like a full-time job, and preparing teas at her local cricket club.
My father is a born optimist, a sensitive and kindly man who inspires people around him. He has never been afraid to show emotion and is always one of the first to well up when he talks about how proud he is of his grandchildren. He connects well with people and always treats others with respect and kindness, making time to talk to everyone, from the corner shop owner to the bin-collection people. The two phrases (and the values they reflect) I attribute to him are: ‘When speaking to people, be interested and interesting’ and ‘You create your own luck’.
Being brought up on these notions of kindness, openness, curiosity and tenacity enabled me to engage others in conversation and resulted in many serendipitous encounters with people who remain significant in my life today. It also gave me the mindset to grasp opportunities, keep exploring possibilities, give things a go and not be fearful of failing.
Without these attributes and the support and empathy of my parents, I really don’t know how I would have survived the challenges I faced with Sam. Their nurturing and positive teachings ensured I had the mindset, resilience and determination to never give up on him.
As a young adult, I graduated from the University of Edinburgh with a degree in law and a thirst for adventure. My family, friends and tutors all expected me to practice in Scotland. Instead, I headed to South Africa.
The year was 1988 and everyone in the UK was petitioning against apartheid and marching to free Nelson Mandela. It was the decade when supermarkets all over the country were refusing to buy South African produce and corporations were boycotted for their involvement in the apartheid government. Cry Freedom had just been released, but the police seized copies of the film following bombings at screenings, saying it threatened public safety. It was just about the most risky thing to do to go and visit South Africa at that time, but an opportunity presented itself and, despite opposition from family and friends, I grabbed it. I had one year to pursue my dream of seeing more of the world.
It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life as it was there that, at twenty-two years of age, I met the most wonderful, laid-back, cool and caring Kiwi – Tony.
Life was pretty idyllic. During the week we worked hard in Johannesburg, but the weekends would bring unforgettable spontaneous adventures and escapades, from partying day and night at luxury hotels and casinos in Sun City, light years away from apartheid South Africa, to exploring the Wild Coast with its stunning, rugged, unspoiled coastline and footprint-free beaches. It was the home of the Xhosa tribes and it was like being in a time warp, so tranquil and so far removed from the frenzy of modern city life. Thirsty for more, we travelled across Malawi, Zambia and Zimbabwe. We fell in love with Africa, and with each other. When our year was up, we decided to stay together. I returned to Edinburgh, and Tony came to London. Life was golden and full of promise. We were young and passionate and ready for our next adventure and …
We became accountants. It wasn’t the inspiring life I’d imagined, faced with the prospect of studying for accountancy exams, my man hundreds of miles away, with the London–Edinburgh railway feeling like a second residence, but we were both satisfied with the good careers ahead of us, and our lives were comfortable.
Two years later, Tony’s work permit expired. The only way he could remain in the UK was by having a British wife! We faced a significant decision. We wanted to be together, but we were also determined not to be forced by circumstance into a marriage of convenience. So instead, as cinema audiences around the world were enjoying Green Card, we were living the very process the film portrays. We built a case with reams of evidence supporting the existence of our relationship. I managed to obtain special dispensation to miss one of my exams (a privilege reserved for life-or-death situations), and after in-depth interviews at the Home Office in London, we were finally declared common-law husband and wife. Spouses, but not married; committed, but independent. With this arrangement, Tony was granted leave to remain, and our future together was secured.
I called Mum and Dad back in Edinburgh and told them the news. Mum, having not fully understood the logistics of the process, nearly fainted at the other end of the line, exclaiming, ‘But where was the wedding, darling?’
Eventually, when the time was right, I moved to London to be with Tony and, out of love and mutual commitment, not convenience, we decided to marry for real. The next step in the journey was to start our family. Although we had talked about having children, the extent of our musings was ‘How many shall we have?’, ‘Private or state education?’, and ‘I’m quite fond of the name Sam.’
Day one
One of the biggest failings in our society is the silence that mothers keep about what mums-to-be should expect of childbirth.
It is a truly miraculous event. It can empower you with vitality and a sense of pride beyond anything you’ve ever experienced before, leaving you feeling like an Earth Mother, a natural goddess, at peace and glowing with a formidable love.
But no one tells you the real facts or the gory details. That when your waters break, this doesn’t necessarily mean the baby is coming right now. That as you’re pushing for the baby, you might poo yourself instead. And that when you are only two centimetres dilated after twenty-four hours of labour, there’s still a long, long way to go.
I was twenty-nine years old when I gave birth to Sam. He was due on 19 December 1995, so my father, who was born on Christmas Day, was beside himself with excitement at the thought he may share his birthday with another family member. Sam, however, had other plans; he was very comfortable indeed. My parents came down from Scotland to help with the arrival but, after ten days of waiting, had to go back home. I was eventually booked into hospital on New Year’s Eve to be induced. Tony and I celebrated a very quiet Hogmanay in the maternity ward as I was very uncomfortable. Then it began.
The birth was traumatic. I have a vivid recollection of screaming for pain relief, only to find the nurses attending to my husband, as he’d fainted from the sight of all the blood across the sheets. At one point the obstetrician had to wipe her glasses. A ventouse delivery was attempted and failed, and I came close to having a blood transfusion. Finally, they brought out the forceps.
At 6 a.m. on 2 January 1996, after thirty-two hours of labour, Sam was born.
Weighing in at a hefty ten pounds (4.5 kg), he looked as if he had just completed a bout with Mike Tyson in the boxing ring, badly marked on his face and bruised all over. But to me, he was a piece of heaven. I felt complete. I had my beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed boy and I fell head-over-heels in love. I was tired but ever so happy. The birth had been a challenge and Sam was covered in meconium, but the nurses wiped him down, stitched me up and assured me that everything was fine, and I got on with my new task of being a mum.
