Raising Empowered Children E-Book

Nkechi Madubuko

• Herausgeber: Unrast Verlag
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 168

Beschreibung

Binational and non-Christian children face stereotypes, racism and discrimination in (pre-)school and everyday life. These negative experiences can be harmful for their sense of self-worth, which makes it important for parents to be able to provide emotional guidance and prepare their children to be able to deal with such experiences. This helps children to feel loved, empowered and equal. The book focuses on sensitizing parents to not minimize these experiences, building a trusting relationship, talking about heritage, understanding racism as a projection, learning to differentiate, building confidence, creating inner and outer spaces of safety and acceptance and how to address all these issues in an age appropriate manner.

Leseprobe

Dr. Nkechi Madubuko is a sociologist and cultural journalist. She began her career as an anchor at the German TV station VIVA Zwei and continued her work at stations such as ZDF, Premiere World and DSF. After completing a trainee program at ZDF, she worked as editor for 3sat’s “Kulturzeit” show for 15 years. For the past twenty years she has taught seminars and hosted events on immigration, anti-discrimination policies and intercultural exchanges. She completed her PhD in 2010 and wrote her dissertation on coping mechanisms developed by immigrants to address racism and discrimination in their daily lives. She has written many articles on the subject, including the German Federal Office for Migration and Refugees. She has been teaching social work at the University of Kassel since 2017. As a mother, she has raised three children.

Nkechi Madubuko

Raising Empowered Children

A Parent’s Guide to AddressingRacism and DiscriminationTranslated by Garry Zettersten

Bibliografische Information der Deutschen Bibliothek

Die Deutsche Bibliothek verzeichnet diese Publikation

in der Deutschen Nationalbibliografie; detaillierte bibliografische

Daten sind im Internet über http://dnb.ddb.de abrufbar

Die Arbeit des Übersetzers am vorliegenden Text wurde vom

Deutschen Übersetzerfonds gefördert im Rahmen des Programms

"NEUSTART KULTUR" aus Mitteln der Beauftragten der Bundesregierung

für Kultur und Medien.

Nkechi Madubuko:

Raising Empowered Children

1. Auflage, Mai 2022

eBook UNRAST Verlag, September 2022

ISBN 978-3-95405-127-4

© UNRAST Verlag, Münster

www.unrast-verlag.de | [email protected]

Mitglied in der assoziation Linker Verlage (aLiVe)

Titel der Originalausgabe:

Empowerment als Erziehungsaufgabe

Erstveröffentlichung: Unrast, 2016

Copyright © Unrast Verlag

Autorisierte Übersetzung der deutschsprachigen Ausgabe

Alle Rechte, insbesondere das Recht der Vervielfältigung und Verbreitung

sowie der Übersetzung, vorbehalten. Kein Teil des Werkes darf in irgendeiner

Form ohne schriftliche Genehmigung des Verlags reproduziert oder unter

Verwendung elektronischer Systeme vervielfältigt oder verbreitet werden.

Übersetzung: Garry Zettersten

Umschlag: Tecla Mbayo

Umschlagfoto Vorderseite: © Nkechi Madubuko

Umschlagfoto Rückseite: © Kerstin Achenbach

Satz: Andreas Hollender, Köln

Table of Contents

Our Children Require Safe Spaces – An Introduction

Chapter 1: Wounded Souls

Recognizing Racism in Daily Life

Racial Discrimination: The Harmful Potential of Words and So-Called “Sensitivity”

The Importance of Social Relationships, Wellbeing and a Healthy Amount of Self-Confidence

The Right to Grow Up Free From Discrimination

Daycare and Schools

Alternatives: Education in Schools and Daycare that is Conscious of Prejudice

Chapter 2: Empowerment – What Does it Mean?

The Art of Processing Racism

The Empowerment Concept

Chapter 3: The Sensibilities of Parents

Recognizing Childrens Individual Needs and Personalities

Strengthening Your Child’s Personality

Establishing Trust

Offering Emotional Stability and Showing Understandable Parental Reactions

Taking Your Own Feelings and the Experiences of Children Seriously

Chapter 4: Dealing with Racism

Choose Your Action Strategies Carefully

Choosing a Strategy that is Age-Appropriate

Choosing a Strategy Based on the Situation

Reflection Exercise for Parents: The Influence Worldviews Have on Parenting

Chapter 5: Internal Safe Spaces

What is an Internal Safe Space?

Parenting That Is Conscious of Bias, Instead of Imposing Taboos

Finding Yourself in Your Internal Safe Space

Intercultural Literature for Children and Teenagers that Consciously Addresses Bias

Chapter 6: External Safe Spaces

The Importance of Social Contacts within the Community

Experiencing Acceptance and Friendship with Children/Adolescents from Non-Immigrant Backgrounds

An Excursion: Working with Empowerment in Youth Groups

Chapter 7: Problematic Behavior

Creating Taboos

Accepting Insults

Downplaying Events

Focusing on Racism

Final Considerations

Chapter 8: An Action Plan for Future “Empowering Parents”

Strengthening Self-Conceptions

Strategies and Courses of Action

Identity-Establishing Topics for Daily Life

Appendix

Glossary

Literature

Workshops

A Selection of Freelance Trainers

Endnotes

Our Children Require Safe Spaces–An Introduction

All parents wish for their children to lead successful and fulfilled lives, with all avenues available to them in their journey through life.

As a Nigerian woman born and raised in Germany, and mother to three Afro-German children, I know how it feels when your children come home disheartened because they have been called names based on the color of their skin. Parents from immigrant communities cannot shield their children from experiencing racism, prejudice and discrimination. But they can help instill a resilient spirit, which will allow them to cope with experiences of racism, prejudice and discrimination. Furthermore, parents can act as advocates for their children and demand equal treatment and respectful conduct by verbally confronting those causing harm.

I realized how important it is to support your children and to strengthen their identity while working on my doctoral thesis Akkulturationsstress von Migranten, published in 2010, in which I conducted research on the stresses of acculturation faced by migrants. In my sociological study, I conducted biographical interviews in order to understand how second-generation immigrants processed racially motivated rejection and which strategies they used to cope with these experiences.

My research showed that a discernable group of men and women were able to keep these experiences at an arm’s length and perceive them in a differentiated way, so that neither feelings of stress nor inferiority remained. They all came from families that instilled a sense of self-worth and pride in their heritage, as well as supporting them when transgressions occurred. This inspired me to write this book and to share this knowledge with other parents. I expanded on the empowerment concept I created by further studying intercultural psychology, through experiences in family therapy and child psychology, as well as reports by the Federal Anti-Discrimination Office. Countless discussions with experts specializing in empowerment when working with non-Christian children and children of immigrants helped me create a more well-rounded concept. Their experiences and practices with youth groups will be presented in the second part of the book.

There are numerous words and deeds that are hurtful. This book primarily addresses words that “other” children and teenagers from immigrant (whether second or third generation) and non-Christian families, thereby associating them with (negative) characteristics. The book is intended for all parents whose children could potentially be affected by racism. They play an important role as approachable conversation partners and supportive confidants. Once you have become aware of these possibilities, you will be able to support your kids by raising them in an empowered environment.

The goal is achieving empowerment by strengthening confidence and agency.

The book provides you with an overview of possible ways of dealing with your children’s experiences of racism. First by showing the effect that these experiences have on children’s sense of self-worth, and second by illustrating ways of educating your children on different levels, so that they know alternative concepts to prejudices and can deal with such experiences in a differentiated manner. I offer concrete examples for conversations with your child and plans of action in every chapter. A stable sense of self-worth, knowledge on the backgrounds of racism and experiences of acceptance in safe spaces together provide the “tools” and a “protective shell” which “empowers” the child, thereby making them able to defend themselves in a peaceful manner.

Whether or not we have so-called “immigrant backgrounds”, we know that casual racism and discrimination affects our children and makes them sad sometimes. The environment within German majority society and its educational institutions, as well as the attitudes of a number of prejudiced people (adults and children), thereby makes the lives of our children more difficult. Every third child is potentially affected by this unequal treatment and degradation in Germany.[1] Prejudiced thinking patterns and clichés in regard to “immigrant kids” or for example “the Muslims” are commonplace among the majority of German society. They determine their assessments of, expectations and behavior towards these children. The clichés in their heads quickly and unconsciously turn into a disparaging look that the children feel in their daily lives. Children and youth are affected differently depending on their country of origin, religion and the obviousness of their othered attributes. Though there are laws against discrimination–e.g. the General Act on Equal Treatment (Allgemeines Gleichbehandlungsgesetz), UN general conventions and children’s rights conventions that Germany has signed–they are not always adhered to or enforced in reality. Parents and families with immigrant backgrounds must support their children and insist upon their equal treatment. The welfare and sense of self-worth of their child is at stake.

Despite the approaches offered here, dealing with stressful experiences will remain different in each individual case and cannot be addressed with sweeping solutions. Children are simply too different in their resources and personalities. The suggestions in this book are meant as thought-provoking impulses for your consideration.

I hope you enjoy reading this book and find the impulses that you have been looking for. Have the courage to “feel touchy” in regard to any form of exclusion, discrimination or racist insult, in order to preserve the healthy personal development of your children.

Chapter Overview

The first chapter, Wounded Souls, addresses the definition, mechanism and hurtful potential of everyday racism in regard to children’s self-confidence. As an introduction to the topic, I describe the findings of child psychology on what constitutes children’s sense of self-worth and how it can be negatively and positively influenced. As there are often uncertainties among parents if they should fight against discrimination, I provide an overview on the binding legal framework and the laws that forbid discrimination in Germany. I then move on to partially discriminatory practices in schools, lacking cultural sensibilities in daycare centers and problems that children and students with immigrant backgrounds encount. The chapter ends with an overview of alternative approaches by introducing Anti-Bias-Approaches based in prejudice-conscious education and offering recommendations on how to best deal with daycare centers and schools.

The second chapter focuses on the term “empowerment” and its different elements: questions regarding searching for identity (being able to mirror oneself), the importance of appreciative spaces, as well as knowledge on the backgrounds of prejudice and racism. Together they offer tools for processing experiences.

The third chapter is dedicated to the question of what parents need to bring to the table in order to strengthen the resilience of their children. For example, this includes recognizing the individuality of the child, strengthening their personality and establishing a trusting relationship with the child in general.

Chapter four addresses how to deal with racist experiences. I begin by introducing findings from the field of family therapy and illustrating what makes children strong and enables them to deal with burdens (like racism). I then provide three concrete strategies for dealing with racism as examples, which should be adjusted according to the situation, as well the age and personality of the child. The chapter closes with a reflection task for parents. This is meant to help you to be able to question your own attitudes towards prejudiced Germans without an immigrant background, in order to see what world view you are passing on to your children in this regard.

In the fifth chapter on interior safe spaces and the sixth chapter on exterior safe spaces, I outline the components “home” and “social environment”, which constitute the entirety that can provide children with a “protective shell” composed of experiences of acceptance, love, appreciation, and social exchanges. In the process, I also address questions on relations to home countries or religion, as well as the supportive effect of intercultural and prejudice-conscious books for children and young people. They are valuable resources for identification, learning through stories, as well as actively addressing problems and solving them.

I also introduce the work of empowering youth groups with young Afro-Germans, Sinti and Romani, Jewish and Muslim youth. Both the group directors and the young people themselves describe the problems faced searching for identity, the discrimination they face and how they find safe spaces in the youth groups, in which they can experience what makes them special, discuss their questions on identity and find answers for themselves.

The seventh chapter deals with problematic behavioral patterns towards racism: making it a taboo subject, downplaying it, having to bear it and placing racism at the center. This chapter is meant to illustrate the problematic consequences hidden within such educational messaging.

Finally, I summarize my empowerment concept within the “motto for empowering parents” at the end of the book.

Chapter 1:Wounded Souls

A story from a pre-school: after winning a game, every child is allowed to take pieces of candy from a bag of candy. As soon as a five-year-old Afro-German boy wants to take a piece of candy, the other children begin to voice their protest. They are afraid that they could catch an African disease. The pre-school teacher says nothing and the boy does not receive any candy.

In elementary school: an Afro-German girl is isolated in her class. Her classmates do not like her because of the color of her skin. They only play with her, if she has candy. Otherwise, she is alone. Her teachers know that she is isolated, but do not address this situation with her classmates, who are excluding her.

Recognizing Racism in Daily Life

Recurring experiences of denigration based on prejudice and racist thought patterns can have a terrible effect on children and youth. It is important for parents to know which forms of behavior in everyday life are racist, and therefore harmful for their children, so that these negative effects can be avoided. Everyone remembers words from their childhood that caused them anguish. Perhaps you still carry this pain with you? Even today, thoughtless people still casually use racist slurs and insults. This prejudiced behavior can always be recognized by its focus on exterior features (e.g. hair color, skin color) or cultural traits like clothing and language. The background for this behavior is that these people believe that ancestry, religion or heritage are criteria for scorn or negative connotations. This humiliation can be meant as a “joke” or as an insult. But it can also mean being excluded from a game or being the target of physical violence.

What is racism?

Racism is a social practice that relies on differentiation, justifying the denigration, unequal treatment and discrimination of certain people. It is always connected to structures of power, as a powerful group defines the “other”. Racism can manifest itself in different forms: in the education system, as institutionalized discrimination by government agencies, in the media or in the everyday discriminatory practices of individuals. Contemporary racism is increasingly connected to the classification of people and groups according to criteria, such as culture, heritage or religion, and less to biologically based arguments on the supposed superiority of certain “races” over others. Cultural, social or religious differences are thought of as “natural”, allowing these categories to easily serve as substitutes for “race”. (Mediendienst Integration)

In order to recognize racism, we need to understand generalizations and sayings based on their underlying thought patterns. It requires us to think about these fundamental questions: “Which characteristics are being attributed to me? Is this acceptable?”

Racism based on biological arguments purports a supposed hierarchical order rooted in culture and biology. The modern racism we are talking about here is related to derogatory assumptions, ascribed characteristics and hostile or exclusionary behaviors, which are connected to the culture, heritage or religion of a certain group of people. This is founded on and legitimized through prejudices and clichés, which are generally based on false information.

Such experiences of rejection based on racism are harmful for a child’s spirit, whether they are intentional or not. The sense of being ascribed (negative) characteristics, which label the child as not belonging or being of less worth, is painful to the core, because children have a fundamental need to feel that they belong and are accepted. The presence of parents and families is doubly important, in order to counter such experiences of exclusion. Without social support, the child could be hurt again, if they feel that they are left alone with their pain.

Here is an example from one of my friends: a four-year-old Afro-German boy is excluded by the other children for hours during playtime in daycare, but the teachers do nothing. The children do not want to play with “him”, because he looks “different” (i.e. the color of his skin). His teachers recognize this behavior, but they legitimize it by claiming that this is normal behavior, as he is new to the group. This behavior by the children solidifies itself, with the passive support of the teachers. The boy suffers due to this behavior and does not want to go to daycare anymore.

The reasons for such exclusionary situations should always be questioned by parents. This includes the question, if what the teachers are saying is actually true. If children do not feel socially supported by their parents, or do not feel that they can talk about their experiences, they are more likely to internalize feelings of inferiority or powerlessness. Such feelings hinder their ability to process such experiences. If there is no support, exclusionary situations will have a negative influence on children’s wellbeing and their sense of self-worth. However, wellbeing and self-worth are important foundations for the best possible development of a child’s potential, and are closely linked to their ability to form relationships later in life. They are essential for the healthy development of children’s personality and should be protected by parents. As a parent, you should therefore not make the mistake of feeling that you are being “too protective” or “too sensitive”, and not let others characterize you in this way. Being treated with respect is not too much to ask for.

Racial Discrimination: The Harmful Potential of Words and So-Called “Sensitivity”

Intercultural psychology studies conducted in the last three decades have shown that racist discrimination (as described in the previous case) can cause a person to feel great stress. These findings in intercultural psychology show that racist discrimination towards grown-ups and children (Y. Takano 2007: 346 et seq.; Liebkind, K. and Jassinskaja Lathi, I. 2000):

is a significant form of emotional violence that brutalizes and dehumanizes the individual

can lead to severe damage to a person’s sense of self-worth

sometimes leads to internalized feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.

Trying to justify prejudice and answers like “don’t make such a fuss” or “that wasn’t what he/she meant” by teachers or parents are by no means adequate ways to react. Language expresses power relations. Even if racist statements were made unintentionally, their effect on children’s sense of self-worth should be taken seriously. They regularly encounter racist generalizations and stereotypes–both positive and negative–in everyday life. These encounters have a profound effect on the entire existence of children, because they are intended to denigrate their humanity, or force templates on them that are seldomly fitting. This can occur intentionally or unintentionally, but the effect is the same. That is why racist insults like the N-word, K-word and religious bigotry should never be accepted. Everyday behaviors based on racial prejudices are just as hurtful as insults by fellow students, such as being called “black poop” (as experienced by an eight-year-old Afro-German girl I know), or positive racist statements (e.g. “you’ve got rhythm in your blood”). This includes experiences such as not being served while shopping, not being allowed into a club or being ostracized in the classroom. It is also discriminatory for your heritage or culture to be vilified within a social environment, in which many still think of others in generalized racist terms–or rather clichés–, such as “the Turks”, “the Jews”, “the Blacks” or “the Muslims”, and live their lives accordingly. This kind of environment can make the daily life of an entire generation unbearable, especially if your own teachers, neighbors or coaches are participants in creating this environment. Discrimination is a regular occurrence in such environments. These are a deeply painful experiences, as these prejudices reduce the personality of their victims to attributed characteristics (e.g. “stupid”, “criminal”, “potent”, “wild”, “not to be taken seriously”). At their worst, these prejudices portray their victims as “subhuman”, stripping them of their dignity. The supposed “biological foundation” for such attributions makes it all the more difficult to escape them, since they are supposedly “internalized”. This pain must be taken seriously, in order to prevent deep emotional wounds. This is why I implore parents not to accept such environments and to support their children. Unconditional support at home is necessary, so that children do not succumb to sadness and feelings of powerlessness.

The Importance of Social Relationships, Wellbeing and a Healthy Amount of Self-Confidence