The Comic English Grammar E-Book

Percival Leigh

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• Sprache: Englisch
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Beschreibung

A NEW AND FACETIOUS INTRODUCTION TO THE ENGLISH TONGUE
By Percival Leigh
Embellished with upwards of forty-five Characteristic Illustrations
By JOHN LEECH.

Fashion requires, and like the rest of her sex, requires because she requires, that before a writer begins the business of his book, he should give an account to the world of his reasons for producing it; and therefore, to avoid singularity, we shall proceed with the statement of our own, excepting only a few private ones, which are neither here nor there.

To advance the interests of mankind by promoting the cause of Education; to ameliorate the conversation of the masses; to cultivate Taste, and diffuse Refinement; these are the objects we have in view in submitting a Comic English Grammar to the patronage of a discerning Public.
Few persons there are, whose ears are so extremely obtuse, as not to be frequently annoyed at the violations of Grammar by which they are so often assailed. It is really painful to be forced, in walking along the streets, to hear such phrases as, "That 'ere omnibus."
"Where've you bin?"
"Vot's the odds?" and the like. Very dreadful expressions are also used by cartmen and others in addressing their horses. What can possibly induce a human being to say "Gee woot!"

"'Mather way!" or "Woa not to mention the atrocious "Kim aup!" of the barbarous butcher's boy.
It is notorious that the above and greater enormities are perpetrated in spite of the number of Grammars already before the world. This fact sufficiently excuses the present addition to the stock; and as serious English Grammars have hitherto failed to effect the desired reformation, we are induced to attempt it by means of a Comic one.

With regard to the moral tendency of our labors, we may be here permitted to remark, that they will tend, if successful, to the suppression of evil speaking ; and as the Spartans used to exhibit a tipsy slave to their children with a view to disgust them with drunkenness, and

We will not allow a man to give an old woman a dose of rhubarb if he have not acquired at least half a dozen sciences; but we permit a quack to sell as much poison as he pleases. When one man runs away with another's wife, and, being on that account challenged to fight a duel, shoots the aggrieved party through the head, the latter is said to receive satisfaction.

We never take a glass of wine at dinner without getting somebody else to do the same, as if we wanted encouragement; and then, before we venture to drink, we bow to each other across the table, preserving all the while a most wonderful gravity. This, however, it may be said, is the natural result of endeavoring to keep one another in countenance.

The way in which we imitate foreign manners and customs is very amusing. Savages stick fish-bones through their noses; our fair countrywomen have hoops of metal poked through their ears. The Caribs flatten the forehead; the Chinese compress the foot; and we possess similar contrivances for reducing the figure of a young lady to a resemblance to an hour-glass or a devil-on-two-sticks.
There being no other assignable motive for these and the like proceedings, it is reasonable to suppose that they are adopted, as schoolboys say, "for fun."

We could go on, were it necessary, adducing facts to an almost unlimited extent; but we consider that enough has now been said in proof of the comic character of the national mind. And in conclusion, if any other than an English or American author can be produced, equal in point of wit, humor, and drollery, to Swift, Sterne, Dickens, or Paulding, we hereby engage to eat him; albeit we have no pretensions to the character of a "helluo librorum."
"English Grammar," according to Lindley Murray, "is the art of speaking and writing the English language with propriety."

The English language, written and spoken with propriety, is commonly called the King's English.

Leseprobe

The Comic English Grammar

By

Percival Leigh

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By

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* * * * *

About Author

Percival T. Leigh, Comic writer. Studied medicine at St. Bartholomew's Hospital. L.S.A. 1834; M.R.C.S. 1835. For some years practised medicine; then abandoned that profession for writing. Joined staff of Punch shortly after periodical was founded; remained contributor to time of his death, though what he wrote in his later years was unusable. Among his Punch contributions was the text accompanying Richard Doyle's illustrations for Manners and Customs of ye Englyshe. Contributed to George Cruikshank's Table-Book; occasionally to Bentley's Miscellany and other periodicals. Author of The Comic Latin Grammar, The Comic English Grammar, both published 1840; and other similar books.

Leigh was not a close friend of Dickens, but he was at various times one of Dickens's guests; he played a role in Dickens's presentation, 1845, of Every Man in His Humour. Among references to Dickens in Leigh's writings is the comment that "the talented author of the Pickwick Papers" was one of the main figures responsible for making the "Victorian Age" the "Age of Comicality"; Dickens's genius, wrote Lelgh, "has revolutionized the republic of letters ... and has become, as it were, a mirror, which will reflect to all posterity the laughter loving spirit of his age" ("Introduction", Comic Latin Grammar).

Leigh became a contributor to H.W. at Dickens's invitation. Some weeks before the first number appeared, Dickens wrote to say that he would be "sincerely pleased" to have Leigh as one of the contributors. Dickens was enthusiastic about Leigh's "Tale of the Good Old Times", which expressed ideas on social progress similar to Dickens's own; he suggested some slight changes that would "adapt [the tale] perfectly to my purpose". The subject of "A Sample of the Old School" Dickens thought excellent, and the purpose commendable. He suggested that the article be written in the first person; as it appeared in H.W., it was so written (to Leigh, February 23, March 10, April 8, 1850; typescripts Huntington Library). With his scientific and medical training, Leigh was also useful to Dickens in writing papers on science for the layman. When Dickens obtained from Faraday the lecture notes of certain of Faraday's lectures, he entrusted them to Leigh to serve as the basis of H.W. articles.

Four of Leigh's H.W. contributions were reprinted in Harper's, with acknowledgment to H.W. Five were included in the Putnam volumes of selections from H.W.:Home and Social Philosophy, 1st and 2nd series. One was included in Choice Stories from Dickens' Household Words, published in Auburn, N.Y., 1854.

* * * * *

THE COMIC ENGLISH GRAMMAR:

A NEW AND FACETIOUS INTRODUCTION TO THE ENGLISH TONGUE

By Percival Leigh

Embellished with upwards of forty-five Characteristic Illustrations

By JOHN LEECH.

1845

Table of Contents

The Comic English Grammar

About Author

Table of Contents

Preliminary Discourse

Part I Orthography

Chapter I of the Nature of the Letters And of a Comic Alphabet

Chapter II of Syllable

Chapter III of Words In General

Part II Etymology

Chapter I a Comical View of the Parts of Speech

Chapter II of the Articles

Chapter III

Section I of Substantives In General

Section II of Gender

Section III of Number

Section IV of Case

Chapter IV of Adjectives

Section I of the Nature of Adjectives And the Degrees of Comparison

Section II a Few Remarks On the Subject of Comparison

Chapter V of Pronouns

Section I of the Personal Pronouns

Section II of the Relative Pronouns

Section III of the Adjective Pronouns

Chapter VI of Verbs

Section I of the Nature of Verbs In General

Section II of Number And Person

Section III of Moods And Participles

Section IV of the Tenses

Section V The Conjugation of the Auxiliary Verbs to Have And to Be

Section VI The Conjugation of Regular Verbs Active

Section VII Irregular Verbs

Section VIII of Defective Verbs

Chapter VII of Adverbs

Chapter VIII of Prepositions

Chapter IX of Conjunctions

Chapter X. of Derivation

Part III Syntax

Part IV Prosody

Chapter I of Pronunciation

Section I of Accent

Section II of Quantity

Section III On Emphasis

Section IV of Pauses

Section V of Tones

Chapter II of Versification

Chapter III Punctuation

Address to Young Students

***

Preliminary Discourse

Fashion requires, and like the rest of her sex, requires because she requires, that before a writer begins the business of his book, he should give an account to the world of his reasons for producing it; and therefore, to avoid singularity, we shall proceed with the statement of our own, excepting only a few private ones, which are neither here nor there.

To advance the interests of mankind by promoting the cause of Education; to ameliorate the conversation of the masses; to cultivate Taste, and diffuse Refinement; these are the objects we have in view in submitting a Comic English Grammar to the patronage of a discerning Public.

Few persons there are, whose ears are so extremely obtuse, as not to be frequently annoyed at the violations of Grammar by which they are so often assailed. It is really painful to be forced, in walking along the streets, to hear such phrases as, "That 'ere omnibus."

"Where've you bin?"

"Vot's the odds?" and the like. Very dreadful expressions are also used by cartmen and others in addressing their horses. What can possibly induce a human being to say "Gee woot!"

"'Mather way!" or "Woa not to mention the atrocious "Kim aup!" of the barbarous butcher's boy.

It is notorious that the above and greater enormities are perpetrated in spite of the number of Grammars already before the world. This fact sufficiently excuses the present addition to the stock; and as serious English Grammars have hitherto failed to effect the desired reformation, we are induced to attempt it by means of a Comic one.

With regard to the moral tendency of our labors, we may be here permitted to remark, that they will tend, if successful, to the suppression of evil speaking ; and as the Spartans used to exhibit a tipsy slave to their children with a view to disgust them with drunkenness, so we, by giving a few examples here and there, of incorrect phraseology, shall expose, in their naked deformity, the vices of speech to the ingenious reader.

The comical mind, like the jaundiced eye, views everything through a colored medium. Such a mind is that of the generality of our countrymen. We distinguish even the nearest ties of relationship by facetious names. A father is called "dad," or "poppa;" an uncle, "nunkey and a wife, a "rib," or more pleasantly still, as in the advertisements for situations, "an encumbrance."

We will not allow a man to give an old woman a dose of rhubarb if he have not acquired at least half a dozen sciences; but we permit a quack to sell as much poison as he pleases. When one man runs away with another's wife, and, being on that account challenged to fight a duel, shoots the aggrieved party through the head, the latter is said to receive satisfaction.

We never take a glass of wine at dinner without getting somebody else to do the same, as if we wanted encouragement; and then, before we venture to drink, we bow to each other across the table, preserving all the while a most wonderful gravity. This, however, it may be said, is the natural result of endeavoring to keep one another in countenance.

The way in which we imitate foreign manners and customs is very amusing. Savages stick fish-bones through their noses; our fair countrywomen have hoops of metal poked through their ears. The Caribs flatten the forehead; the Chinese compress the foot; and we possess similar contrivances for reducing the figure of a young lady to a resemblance to an hour-glass or a devil-on-two-sticks.

There being no other assignable motive for these and the like proceedings, it is reasonable to suppose that they are adopted, as schoolboys say, "for fun."

We could go on, were it necessary, adducing facts to an almost unlimited extent; but we consider that enough has now been said in proof of the comic character of the national mind. And in conclusion, if any other than an English or American author can be produced, equal in point of wit, humor, and drollery, to Swift, Sterne, Dickens, or Paulding, we hereby engage to eat him; albeit we have no pretensions to the character of a "helluo librorum."

"English Grammar," according to Lindley Murray, "is the art of speaking and writing the English language with propriety."

The English language, written and spoken with propriety, is commonly called the King's English.

A monarch, who, three or four generations back, occupied the English throne, is reported to have said, "If beebles will be boets, they must sdarve." This was a rather curious specimen of "King's English." It is, however, a maxim of English law, that "the King can do no wrong." Whatever bad English, therefore, may proceed from the royal mouth, is not "King's English," but "Minister's English," for which they alone-are responsible.

King's English (or perhaps, under existing circumstances it should be called, Queen's English) is the current coin of conversation, to mutilate which, and unlawfully to utter the same, is called clipping the King's English; a high crime and misdemeanor. Clipped English, or bad English, is one variety of Comic English, of which we shall adduce instances hereafter.

Slipslop, or the erroneous substitution of one word for another, as "prodigy" for "protegee," "derangement" for "arrangement," "exasperate" for "aspirate," and the like, is another.

Slang, which consists in cant words and phrases, as "dodge" for "sly trick," "no go" for "failure," and "camey" "to flatter," may be considered a third.

Latinised English, or Fine English, sometimes assumes the character of Comic English, especially when applied to the purposes of common discourse; as "Extinguish the luminary," "Agitate the coramunicator," "Are your corporeal functions in a condition of salubrity?" "A sable visual orb," "A sanguinary nasal protuberance."

American English is Comic English in a "pretty particular considerable tarnation" degree.

English Grammar is divided into four parts-Orthography, Etymology, Syntax, and Prosody; and as these are points that a good grammarian always stands upon, he, particularly when a pedant, and consequently somewhat flat, may very properly be compared to a table.

Part I Orthography

Chapter I ofthe Natureof the Letters And of a Comic Alphabet

Orthography is like a schoolmaster, or instructor of youth. It teaches us the nature and powers of letters and the right method of spelling words.

Comic Orthography teaches us the oddity and absurdities of letters, and the wrong method of spelling words. The following is an example of Comic Orthography:—

islinton foteenth of my Deer jemes febuary 1844.

wen fust i sawed yu doun the middle and up agin att the bawl

i maid Up my Mind to skure you for my oan for i Felt at once

that my appiness was at Steak, and a sensashun in my Bussum

I coudent no ways accom For. And i said to mary at missis

Igginses said i theres the Mann for my money o ses Shee i

nose a Sweeter Yung Man than that Air Do you sez i Agin then

there we Agree To Differ, and we was sittin by the window

and we wos wery Neer fallin Out. my deer gemes Sins that

Nite i Ha vent slept a Wink and Wot is moor to the Porpus

i'Have quit Lost my Happy tight and am gettin wus and wus

witch i Think yu ort to pitty Mee. i am Tolled every Day

that ime Gettin Thinner and a Jipsy sed that nothin wood

Cure me But a Ring.

i wos a Long time makin my Mind Up to right to You for of

Coarse i Says jemes will think me too forrad but this bein

Leep yere i thout ide Make a Plunge, leastways to aUThem as

dont Want to Bee old Mades all their blessed lives, so my

Deer Jemes if yow want a Pardoner for Better or for wus nows

Your Time dont think i Behave despicable for tis my Luv for

yu as makes Me take this Stepp.

please to Burn this Letter when Red and excuse the scralls

and Blotches witch is Caused by my Teers i remain till deth

Yure on Happy Vallentine

jane you No who.

poscrip nex sunday Is my sunday out And i shall be Att the

corner of Wite Street at a quawter pas Sevn.

Wen This U. C. remember Mee j. g.

Now, to proceed with Orthography, we may remark, that a letter is the least part of a word.

Of a comic letter an instance has already been given. Dr. Johnson's letter to Lord Chesterfield is a capital letter.

Chapter II of Syllable

Syllable is a nice word, it sounds so much like syllabub!

A syllable, whether it constitute a word or part of a word, is a sound, either simple or compound, produced by one effort of the voice, as, "O! what, a lark!—Here, we, are!"

Spelling is the art of putting together the letters which compose a syllable, or the syllables which compose a word.

Comic spelling is usually the work of imagination.

Chapter III of Words In General

There is no one question that we are aware of more puzzling than this, "What is your opinion of things in general?" Words in general are, fortunately for us, a subject on which the formation of an opinion is somewhat more easy. Words stand for things: they are a sort of counters, checks, bank-notes, and sometimes, indeed, they are notes for which people get a great deal of money. Such words, however, are, alas! not generally English words, but Italian. Strange! that so much should be given for a mere song. It is quite clear that the givers, whatever may be their pretensions to a refined or literary taste, must be entirely unacquainted with Wordsworth.

Fine words are oily enough, and he who uses them is vulgarly said to "cut it fat;" but for all that it is well known that they will not butter parsnips.

Some say that words are but wind: for this reason, when people are having words, it is often said, that "the wind's up."

Different words please different people. Philosophers are fond of hard words; pedants of tough words, long words, and crackjaw words; bullies, of rough words; boasters, of big words; the rising generation, of slang words; fashionable people, of French words; wits, of sharp words and smart words; and ladies, of nice words, sweet words, soft words, and soothing words; and, indeed, of words in general.

Words (when spoken) are articulate sounds used by common consent as signs of our ideas.

A word of one syllable is called a Monosyllable: as, you, are, a, great, oaf.

A word of two syllables is named a Dissyllable; as, cat-gut, mu-sic.

A word of three syllables is termed a Trisyllable; as, Mag-net-ism, Mum-mer-y.

A word of four or more syllables is entitled a Polysyllable; as, in-ter-mi-na-ble cir-cum-lo-cu-ti-on, ex-as-pe-ra-ted, func-ti-o-na-ry, met-ro-po-li-tan, ro-tun-di-ty.

Words of more syllables than one are sometimes comically contracted into one syllable; as, in s'pose for suppose, b'lieve for believe, and 'scuse for excuse: here, perhaps, 'buss, abbreviated from omnibus, deserves to be mentioned.

In like manner, many long words are elegantly trimmed and shortened; as, ornary for ordinary, 'strornary for extraordinary, and curosity for curiosity; to which mysterus for mysterious may also be added.

Polysyllables are an essential element in the sublime, both in poetry and in prose; but especially in that species of the sublime which borders very closely on the ridiculous; as,

"Aldiborontiphoscophormio,

Where left's thou Chrononhotonthologos?

All words are either primitive or derivative. A primitive word is that which cannot be reduced to any simpler word in the language; as, brass, York, knave. A derivative word, under the head of which compound words are also included, is that which may be reduced to another and a more simple word in the English language; as, brazen, Yorkshire, knavery, mud-lark, lighterman. Broadbrim is a derivative word; but it is one often applied to a very primitive kind of person.