Body Language in Europe - Unlocking the Secrets E-Book

Horst Hanisch

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Seitenzahl: 133

Beschreibung

Here is all you need to know about unlocking the secrets of body language. Knowledge gained from this book will help you to recognize positive signs from others, but more importantly, you can identify negative signals so that you can determine how to better react to them. It should help you in business relationships to "read" other people and, hopefully, gain an advantage. It will also help you recognize in yourself how your body language may be read by others. You can learn to adapt your style and stance to reflect a different attitude if it would help a situation.

Leseprobe

Greeting (second edition)

Jürgen Weischer President EUFH/CBS/EMS University Group

“Your mouth can lie, your body cannot.”

Everybody knows the saying out of our grandma’s era “First impressions are everything!” Today, we hear more often its modification “You don’t get a second chance for the first impression” or even more definite “Your mouth can lie, your body cannot.” Before you introduce yourself or say your first sentence other people have already formed their first impression and this impression counts. It determines whether it is easy or difficult to communicate with the other person.

There are more decisions made the moment you see somebody for the first time than most people can imagine. To fold one’s arms, to stoop, or to have cagey eyes are signs for weakness and uncertainty. They do not support the words spoken with reliability and dependability.

Body language is not only important in conferences and business negotiations. In private life, it can demonstrate everything from trust and sympathy, to neutrality and suspicion all the way to profound aversion towards somebody.

In this book, Horst Hanisch gives precise examples as good guidelines for a self-confident appearance, for a positive non-verbal communication and he encourages gaining confidence.

The goal of this book is to give the reader a future advantage by gaining more self-confidence and to present more ideas on how to analyze or unlock the body language of other people.

This competitive advantage should be used. In order to fulfill this goal this book can be very useful.

(Horst Hanisch has worked for different universities as a rhetoric coach for quite a few years. Through his research and experience he gave thousands of our students’ necessary skills and success factors.)

Jürgen Weischer, 2008

Foreword

Dear reader,

American research done by Albert Mehrabian indicates that 93 % of all interpersonal dialog is done though non-speaking behavior – nonverbal communication. The way we watch and observe, how we move and how we use our body to make a point will be followed and analyzed by others generally unconsciously. Body language and spoken words complement each other and give an honest overall view to other people and to ourselves.

Sometimes we just have a feeling that the person we are talking with is not being honest but we not know how to verify it. “I do not have a good feeling!“ It could be that the body is telling us something else than what we hear. Is he telling a fib or is he just insecure or perhaps nervous?

It does not matter if you are skeptical about the possibility of reading body language. It is possible. Our goal for this book is to unlock the secrets of body language and to recognize and understand the mosaic tiles of body language and to analyze them.

Everybody who becomes intensively engaged with the subject will quickly observe just how much human body language tells us. We do not need to use this knowledge to manipulate others but we can use this knowledge have an easier conversation with everybody.

It took years to gather all required information together in order to write this book.

Out of the innumerable gestures observed, we have chosen the most important ones for the Western culture.

All pictures and text should demonstrate what body language tells us and how it usually can be interpreted.

One piece of advice up-front: I believe that it does not make sense to go through everyday life always trying to control our body language because we are afraid of other people trying to analyze our body language and manipulate us. NO – if our “verbal” statements are honest then our “nonverbal” statements are honest as well. The new knowledge about body language can contribute to awareness about our body language. Therefore we can train ourselves to avoid certain behaviors that generate negative interpretations; especially in important situations like a job interview.

Therefore I close this foreword with these words: I hope, dear reader, that you will not only be able to supplement your knowledge of body language, but will also enjoy reading this book. Here’s to harnessing the power of body language to make the most of your personal and professional future! Have fun reading and studying this book!

Horst Hanisch

Table Of Contents

“Your mouth can lie, your body cannot.”

CHAPTER 1

V

ERBAL LANGUAGE AND NONVERBAL LANGUAGE

Does body language lie?

Suggestions for analyzing body language

Criteria of perception

Charisma

Facial expression

Gestures, motor functions

Nonverbal questions and answers

Physiognomy (facial expression)

What creates the first impression?

Body distance

Tone of voice

Face-to-face interaction, eye-contact

CHAPTER 2

2.1 Mouth, lips, tongue

2.2 Eyes

2.3 Face, cheeks

2.4 Chin

2.5 Nose

2.6 Forehead, temple, ear

CHAPTER 3

3.1 Upper part of the body, shoulder, chest, stomach

CHAPTER 4

4.1 Elbow/arms

4.2 Hands, fist

4.3 Finger, thumb, ankle

CHAPTER 5

5.1 Legs

5.2 Feet

CHAPTER 6

M

ISTAKABLE GESTURES

Does your body speak a foreign language? – Different interpretation of your body language abroad

ANNEX

Chapter 1

Basic Assumptions

Verbal language and nonverbal language

Every day we talk to other people around us. We have a conversation or just simply have a small talk. As a seminar coach, for example, we talk to you and with you a lot of the time during a seminar. The participants listen very carefully at first, but as we continue to talk, their eye lids get heavier. It happens very seldom – but it has happened before – a participant slowly falls asleep.

If we could separate verbal and nonverbal language, more of our participants would have had problems following the coach over a longer period of time. Just imagine if you had to concentrate for six to eight hours to one person lecturing.

Impossible, right?

Well, fortunately your spoken words (i.e., verbal) are connected with the unspoken (i.e., nonverbal). Speaking without speaking?

To summarize: Communication – understanding between two persons – can be done verbally (with words), para-verbal (e.g., whistling) or nonverbal (as we describe it here: body language).

Perhaps it is common to believe that the largest part of communication between two people is done through verbal communication. In fact, it can quickly be shown that we actually can communicate much more information without words. Therefore, we conclude that we actually can speak without speaking.

Whenever two people get together, whether they know each other or not, they immediately begin to communicate with each other.

“You cannot not communicate” (Paul Watzlawick).

Just imagine the following situations:

1. We get in an elevator with a stranger. We know that it is an uncomfortable situation; we begin to have an unpleasant feeling. We do not talk to each other; we stare at the floor display or the ceiling of the elevator.

We cannot escape – we are stuck in the elevator. We are standing close to each other but we are not capable of starting verbal communication with the other person. By staring at the ceiling, we avoid eye contact and we send the signal that we are not interested in talking. Maybe we intensively watch the toes of our shoes. That shows even more that we are in an uncomfortable situation. To look down implies certain humility and to look up indicates that we are looking for help nobody can give us in this situation.

2. An older lady walks through a shopping area. A young punk comes from the opposite side and walks in the direction of the older lady. Automatically she presses her purse tighter to her body and has a firmer grip on her cane to get a more secure pace. Yes, maybe even in order to use her walking stick as a potential weapon to defend herself. If she would have the possibility she would even change directions to avoid a direct confrontation with the young punk.

3. A guy is sitting on a bench for two people in the subway. The bench across from him is empty. A second guy enters the subway and takes a seat on the empty bench. After quick eye contact (he’s not going to do anything to me?) the first guy starts looking out the window. There is no desire for any more eye contact.

How would the person have reacted if the second guy would have requested the empty seat on the bench right next to the first guy?

4. Same situation in the subway. The first guy has his computer bag next to him and on the bench across from him he has a newspaper laid out and he is reading it. Would you request one of the seats if there were other seats available in the subway?

Without speaking directly to the other persons, our examples show through nonverbal communication what the individuals want, what they do not want or what they are afraid of. Everybody knows several situations like that.

Nonverbal communication allows us to act freely and secure in society. Without speaking, other people understand what we want, wish, feel, or what we are afraid of.

These examples demonstrate how broad nonverbal communication is and how important this kind of communication is for inter-personal relationships.

Did you know that after a maximum of seven seconds (7!) you have made the decision whether you like somebody or not? These are seven seconds where you most likely have not spoken a word.

When you need information at the train station platform: Who do you ask? The first person that you see?

Did you know that a recruiter knows after four minutes (4!) in a job interview whether you get a job offer or not?

When you meet somebody for the first time most of your communication will be nonverbal. Imagine you meet somebody you have not seen before in a hotel lobby. You walk up to him, smile and then reach out to shake his hand with your first words. Realize how fast the first few seconds are gone.

Before you begin to talk to your audience as a speaker, coach, or lecturer, most likely some seconds have already passed; sometimes a few minutes. At that point, the audience has already decided if they have a positive or negative feeling about you. All that without you even saying one single word!

Therefore it is very important to avoid any kind of body movements that could cause negative connotations; especially at the beginning of a speech.

During the conversation or presentation almost everybody who has certain skills can verbally persuade the audience.

Just as the audience can interpret the nonverbal body language of the speaker within seconds, the speaker also can do the same with the audience.

This way the person presenting is able to quickly develop a very important impression of the audience. Is their attitude more likely positive or negative? Are they aggressive and waiting for the first attack?

Answering these questions is essential for survival. It would not have been the first time that a well-educated and trained coach or entertainer failed in front of the audience because he did not interpret the body language of his audience at all or he interpreted it incorrectly.

We do not want that to happen to you and therefore we will unlock and explain many nonverbal signals of body language.

Of course, nonverbal communication also happens between two people who simply talk to each other, who meet in an elevator, or who negotiate a sale.

Does body language lie?

We recognize that body language existed long before the spoken word. Therefore, reactions inside our body and with our body are automatic, excitable, and unconscious.

Research has verified that certain reactions are the same all over the world and that they are also interpreted the same!

We can expect that body language tells us the truth, unless it is manipulated to indicate something else. Verbally we can say that it rains even if we have wonderful weather with a shining sun and blue sky.

It is pretty easy: we fib or even worse, we lie.

If somebody is cold, then he will start to protect his body. Through shivering, folding his arms across his chest, or rubbing his hands, he will create heat.

If we see somebody doing this, then we can expect that this person is cold. He is not faking.

Most nonverbal communication therefore comes from inside. Some bodily reactions such as growing and pupil dilatation cannot be influenced.

We conclude: If the body language of our counterparty is unconscious, we can expect that it is honest and real.

Suggestions for analyzing body language

As an acknowledgement: We are not able to say that all circumstances are the same. The reason simply is that every situation is different and everybody also reacts differently. We do not need to be scared off or hope that we can analyze or judge someone just because of his body language.

If we add the spoken words, it may be possible for some specialists, but for the ordinary and average human beings, what is important is that we can just analyze and judge certain behaviors.

We always should have in mind that we are human and that means that we can also misinterpret situations.

Additionally, it is impossible to just take a small section of human behavior and use it as a sample to draw absolute conclusions for all human behavior. To draw that conclusion, the interaction of all muscles within the human body is too complex.

Just imagine you want to drink a sip of water out of a glass on your desk.

It is impossible to just take the water glass without making sure with your eyes where exactly the glass is situated on your desk.

As you pick up the water glass you will control the action through your eyes. That means that the motor function of your hand and the movement of your eyes work together.

In order to put these two actions into practice we will absorb, process, and analyze them all at the same time.

If we just look at the eyes we cannot know that the hand picked up a glass. Also when we move the hand with the glass to our mouth another reaction happens in our brain and our mouth: we can observe the movement of our lips.

Finally, we need to open our mouth a little bit so we can put the glass to our lips to drink.

We can imagine the never-ending interaction between our senses and body parts as well as the use of devices or the surrounding area that might be in order to achieve successful goals.

And there are thousands of goals like that during an average day.

To unlock the secrets of body language we need to realize again and again the following guideline in order to avoid a wrong interpretation:

Body language can only be unlocked if the behavior symbolizes a reaction to an action.

What does that mean? Well, we act by saying or doing something that others react to. Only at that moment it is possible to correctly interpret the reaction.

For example: Somebody with arms crossed in front of his chest sitting before us does not necessarily mean that he does not like us.

Maybe he is just not to keen about the new surrounding area; maybe he is cold or maybe he has a physical impairment so he has to sit like that.

It is impossible to have a definite analysis!

But: if we say or do something and then the other person crosses his arms in front of his chest we can be sure that it is a reaction to our action and it is possible to clearly analyze it!