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- Herausgeber: Books on Demand
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
A young lady from the Scottish Highlands needs to go to the dentist. Bad enough already, but it gets worse. She falls into the clutches of an undead representative of the guild. By no means squeamish when it comes to protecting her interests, and with some skeletons in the closet herself, she tries to outsmart the ghost - but will she manage to escape? Much Whiskey accompanies the story in the vicinity of Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. Compulsory reading for all supporters of 'No Ladies in the Pub please'.
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Tae a Thistle
Tae scots yer Mair than just a flower, Yer a symbol o' great strength an' power, Wrapped in shades o' purple an' green Yer the bonniest flower this land has seen.
Some folks say yer jist a weed, But we scots ken yer a mighty breed. Yer delicate yet strong an' bold, An' worth mair tae us than silver or gold.
Aye yer loved by Scottish heart's, An' ye always wur right fae the start, Wi' yer purple heeds and spiny stems, Yer the richest 'o all oor Scottish gems.
Table of Contents
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
I.
Fiona MacGill, hailing from Drumnadrochit, about 15 miles away from Inverness, is an unusual, sweet, fun-loving, witty, smart, and above all, quite rich young lady. Aside from the latter, there would be plenty of girls of her kind, but that is not what makes her so special; Fiona tells people that she can see ghosts and is not afraid of them.
She is not blonde, as the Gaelic language implies (fionn – fair, pale), but has long reddish hair, which she got neither from her mother nor her father; strangely enough, there was also no reddish hair in either grandparent's family.
No wonder rumours arose that she had somehow been foisted upon. The fact that these rumours were most likely sparked by her younger brothers, Archie and Finley, with their inheritance claims in the back of their minds, is no longer relevant. Both have died in the meantime – or drowned, to be precise – and after her parents' tragic accident in a house fire, she inherited a sizable estate and fortune alone.
Speaking of drowning: Drumnadrochit, located on the western shore of Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, is a beautiful town and became a popular tourist destination since the monster Nessie occasionally sticks its head out of the pond.
Initially, the parents lived in Dochgarroch, closer to Inverness, where the water coming from the Moray Firth and the Beauly Firth passes through Inverness over the Ness into the northern end of Loch Ness.
Archie MacGill, her father, said he didn't like the pubs there anymore. This prompted him – a man, who certainly did not shy away from a few drinks in good company now and then – to move away with his wife and kid and settle on a magnificent estate a few miles away. But some say this was not the real reason behind their move when they arrived in Drumnadrochit with little Fiona.
Several years later, Fiona allegedly gave her brother Archie a kick as they stood on the shore of Loch Ness looking for the monster, as they often did. He sank immediately and never reappeared. They did not believe the supposed eyewitness, as everyone knows that Nessie is a plankton eater and both brothers were excellent swimmers.
Loch Ness lies along the way of the Caledonian Canal, a man-made as well as a natural river-and-lake waterway that connects the North Sea in the east with the Atlantic Ocean on the other side of Scotland – across the Highlands.
Both ends are at the same sea level. But moving through the Highlands you ought to overcome differences in altitude, which is only possible with numerous locks along the way. Therefore, all thought that the brother should have gotten stuck at some point, but only Fiona thought correctly:
Loch Ness has no significant current, only at the surface, when strong winds move the water, and everything sinks straight to the ground.
Clever Fiona also knows a few things about bathymetry. This is the study to record the topographical shape of water basins.
The depth of Loch Ness is often disputed. Some say 230 meters; others speak of up to 325 meters. Since there are scores of caves at the bottom, measurements are problematic.
As for the shape of the sidewalls, they run down abruptly and steeply, corresponding in places to a 75° angle on a sloping hillside, hence the best precondition to ask her brother Archie to pick up the picnic basket standing close to the shore. A firm loop put around the wrist so that he doesn't lose it. Then a surprised exclamation 'look there, Nessie is coming up', followed by a strong kick – that's how it goes, especially if you have packed bricks instead of sandwiches.
A year later, Fiona had lured the other brother Finn away from the tourist crowded place near the Urquhart Castle ruins to try her luck elsewhere, without annoying onlookers. She told him about a leather bag of 'sword and sceptre pieces', gold coins she had discovered in a recess near the shore, too heavy for her to carry home. When he was kneeling, she calmly knocked him out and sunk him in the Loch, weighted with stones; after all, it would be a pity to lose another lovely picnic basket ...
Now back to the ghosts:
The ghost of Canterville, known to many people from Oscar Wilde's books and the various Hollywood film adaptations, had been at long last 'properly' dead and buried – redeemed after centuries of being condemned to play ghost. Lately, he haunts around again, and Fiona knew this from several personal acquaintances but had never made a 'big deal' about it, she told close friends in confidence. She thought that would only disappoint some contemporaries who strongly believe in the final redemption of Sir Simon de Canterville.
On the contrary, she becomes quite open and talkative when she presents her other encounters of this kind in a merry circle. Her gruesome stories mostly show disrespect for ghosts and the undead that borders on pure impudence.
She lets people know that she once mockingly approached the 'Man without a Head', and asked him why he never wears a hat. Before the baffled ghost could catch his breath and answer, she just laughed and exclaimed »because you don't have a head, you nitwit!«
For ghosts running around as skeletons, she recommends nightly visits to the used clothing collection.
She molests bottle spirits and tells them to find a decent dwelling while they can still get the deposit back on the old shelter.
As a student at St Leonards College in St Andrews, she left an open bottle of Chanel No. 5 in the Cathedral crypt and remarked aloud, »That's because you never air this place, you stinkers!«
No wonder ghosts prefer to run away when she appears. Some start to panic or fall unconscious to the ground, often not without leaving a permanent and revolting stain.
Now let's move on to the real story:
One day, Fiona suffered from a severe toothache. The best place for treatment was the nearby city of Inverness, as she also wanted to do some shopping which she hadn't done lately. Therefore, she boarded the bus of the 'Stagecoach in the Highlands' the following day at the station near the local post office.
