The Weight of Numbers E-Book

Simon Ings

• Herausgeber: Atlantic Books
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Winner of the O2 X Award 'Dynamic'-- Daily Telegraph 'Dazzling'-- Guardian 'Ambitious and virtuoso'-- Financial Times 'Unforgettable'-- The Times 'Ingenious... shimmering'-- New Statesman On July 21, 1969 two astronauts set foot on the moon; far below, in ravaged Mozambique, a young revolutionary - hailed as the saviour of his country - is murdered by a package bomb. From these two unconnected events, Simon Ings weaves a great and glittering web that entangles four lives: Anthony Burden, a mathematical genius destroyed by the beauty of numbers; Saul Cogan, transformed from prankster idealist to trafficker in the poor and dispossessed; and Stacey Chavez, ex-teenage celebrity and mediocre performance artist, hungry for fame and starved of love. All are haunted by Nick Jinks, a man who sows disaster wherever he treads. As the twentieth century unravels, Burden, Cogan, Chavez and Jinks are powerless to escape the connections that bind them. This is not fate, but its opposite: the weight of numbers.

Leseprobe

The WEIGHT of NUMBERS

The WEIGHT of NUMBERS

SIMON INGS

First published in Great Britain in 2006 by Atlantic Books, an imprint of Grove Atlantic Ltd.

Copyright © Simon Ings 2006

The moral right of Simon Ings to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 1 84354 463 6 eBook ISBN: 978 0 85789 646 9

Printed in Great Britain by {}

Atlantic Books An imprint of Grove Atlantic Ltd Ormond House 26–27 Boswell Street London WC1N 3JZ

www.groveatlantic.co.uk

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Prologue

Lake Kissimmee, Florida

Banshee

Beira, Mozambique

London –Johannesburg

Glasgow, UK

Portsmouth, UK

Chicago, Illinois

Lake Forest, Illinois

The Gift

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

White Man’s Magic

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Annihilation Therapy

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

PQRD

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Renamo Moto

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Glass

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Modern Medicine

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Maps of The World

Monday, 17 July 2006

Epilogue

Christmas Eve, 1968

Acknowledgements

For Anna

It will be an inhuman, an atrocious performance, but these are the facts.

General Giuilo Douhet, Il Dominio dell’Aria

The WEIGHT of NUMBERS

PROLOGUE

Lake Kissimmee, Florida —

Monday, 25 October 1965

Marilyn, Jim’s wife of thirteen years, pours out his second Coke, takes up her own and clinks his glass with ceremony as though it were champagne. Her eyes are big and black in the candlelight, wet with the unnamable emotions pilots’ wives acquire in proximity to Canaveral.

Through the window of the restaurant, the night sky is speckled – had they but eyes to see – with spillage from the afternoon’s catastrophe: a fuel explosion massive enough to shred a final stage to so much kitchen foil. For Jim the worst part is that at six minutes past three that afternoon, six minutes after the launch and at the very moment the Agena’s engine turned over and choked on six tonnes of liquid fuel, he had been gaping, like some fool kid, eyes upturned on a calm sky.

‘It’d have reached orbit,’ he says, shaking his head.

‘Tonight,’ their waiter explains, ‘our bass comes with a macadamia nut butter.’

‘Well, whoop-de-doo,’ says Marilyn.

‘Ma-am?’

Marilyn blinks. ‘I really have no idea why I said that.’ She lays her hand on the boy’s arm. ‘I do apologize. Really.’

Perhaps she felt it, too, today. At six minutes past three, a wrinkle in things.

When they are alone: ‘Marilyn?’

Marilyn giggles. This is the girl he fell in love with in high school. ‘No idea at all. Sorry. Odd day today.’

Jim sets about his meal, determined to shake off bad thoughts. ‘This fish,’ he says.

The fish is really very good.

‘Yes,’ says Marilyn.

He’s been told about this place: the best largemouth bass in the county, the tables small, unfussy, few, the air sweet off Lake Kissimmee – all this barely an hour from the Cape. Come December, Jim Lovell is riding shotgun with Frank Borman in Gemini Seven. An unprecedentedly long mission, two whole weeks, Seven is meant to test the shirt-sleeve environment the engineers have planned for the Apollo spacecraft. There’s other, rather more gung-ho business for Frank and Jim to perform – for instance, they’ll be demonstrating a new, more accurate form of controlled re-entry – but the core of their mission is ‘station-keeping’, NASA’s word for staying clean and tidy and alive for 200 orbits of the Earth. One of the more damn-fool experiments dreamed up for them requires that Jim weigh every mouthful that enters his system before, during and after the flight. Although there are still six weeks to go before the launch, this will be, for Jim, his last unfussed-up meal for some while. To mark the fact, tonight he has arranged babysitters so he can take his wife out to dinner.

He says, ‘I was standing on the crawlerway.’ A pause. ‘This afternoon. I watched it take off from the crawlerway.’

The main body of the rocket, the launch vehicle proper, was an Atlas, the machine that put John Glenn, America’s first astronaut, into space. Today’s Atlas worked perfectly, as far as he’s aware. It was the final stage, the Agena Target Vehicle that exploded, one minute after separation, the very moment it tried to start its engine. Without a target vehicle for them to pursue, astronauts Wally Schirra and the rookie Thomas Stafford are even now slouching their way through the most disappointed night of their careers: the launch of Gemini Six, scheduled for tomorrow, is scratched.

‘What will they do with Tom and Wally?’ Marilyn’s thoughts are tracking Jim’s own with a niceness they had all expected of Gemini Six and its ill-fated target. ‘Could they run their mission and yours together in any way that makes sense?’

James Lovell looks out the window at the lake. The sky is clear tonight. The water is so still, he can see the brighter stars reflected in the water. ‘Probably,’ he says. ‘We’d at least be able to practise the alignment manoeuvres.’ The Geminis are meant to lead to Apollo, and a bid for the moon. They are the only real practice the crews are going to get before the big push. Every Gemini failure makes Apollo that bit more daunting. ‘It’s not docking practice, but it’d be something.’ Jim turns back to his wife, aware that in his preoccupation he is hardly giving her interest its due.

Every couple caught up in NASA’s folly has its own way of dealing with the dangers and disappointments. Each solution is personal, its secrecy carefully guarded. It is impossible to know if Marilyn’s careful, intelligent curiosity about Gemini is shared by any of the other wives. In public, and even among themselves, there can be no breach of the women’s etiquette. This has less to do with class and custom – though that is part of it – so much as their common need to bootstrap a workable life out of the demands and sacrifices of the Cape. The artificiality of that life – Sunday clambakes in the shadow of the Vertical Assembly Building – is a given. That life is artificial, something you have to construct for yourself, like a shed or a car motor or a Thanksgiving dinner, is the great, soon-to-be-forgotten lesson of these days.

‘They let you on the crawlerway?’ says Marilyn, double-taking his earlier remark.

‘That’s where I watched it from.’

The crawlerway is, like any construction site, out of bounds. But there was no danger, watching a launch from there.

Practically speaking, the crawlerway is a four-lane highway connecting the launch complexes to the Vertical Assembly Building, where Apollo’s colossal Saturn rockets will be built. But the lanes are deceptive. They are built, not for ordinary traffic at all, but for the giant caterpillar tracks of a single vehicle: the 500ft-high mobile launcher.

Standing there today, watching as the Atlas-Agena assembly rose out of its own exhaust cloud, high above Complex 14, Jim felt as though he were standing among giants, in a giant’s footprint. He felt smaller than a child and infinitely less significant among these towering machines. He felt more like a rat: something tolerated and expendable.

‘It seems to me now that I felt it.’ This is something Jim Lovell absolutely will not say to his wife. ‘It seems to me that there was a wrinkle in things. At six minutes past three this afternoon, and with nothing left to see besides the contrail, all of a sudden I became aware of a wrongness in the sky’s fabric; a wrongness so intimate, at first I was afraid there was something the matter with my eyes.’

‘What are you thinking?’ Marilyn is asking him.

Drawn back to the present, Jim is startled to find himself already behind the wheel of their car. Marilyn is next to him, their meal is done, and Camp Mack Lane is already rumbling beneath their wheels. They are part-way home.

‘Wait,’ he says. ‘Wait a minute.’

‘What?’

‘This isn’t right.’

A wrinkle in things. Surfaces are bent and drawn into accidental contact. A short circuit, and the evening comes apart, skipping and hopping like a scratched record. ‘Wait,’ he says. He slows the car. ‘Hang on.’ He checks his rear-view mirror, slows them almost to a stop and turns them around.

He cannot rewind the evening. All those minutes wasted in introspection. He has to do something; this is their last easy evening together.

‘What is it?’ Marilyn asks. ‘Did you forget something?’

‘Everything is going to be fine,’ he says, and he switches on the radio: a clue for her.

He drives them deeper and deeper into Florida’s rural dark, under canopies of post oak and hickory, through pastures abandoned to mesquite. One by one, the stations peter out: WWBC out of Cocoa; WKGF from Kissimmee. Wayne Fontana and The Mindbenders drift in and away and a silence descends, with an eerie, out-of-range sensation that Marilyn remembers now. ‘You old fool,’ she laughs, guessing his game. ‘You fool, you.’

At a sign for a fishing lodge, he rolls the car down a dirt track. There are no lights, no other vehicles. Woods hug the shore. Between the tree trunks, moonlight glistens on Lake Kissimmee.

She leans over and slips into his arms. ‘What about the babysitter?’ she asks him.

‘What about tomorrow’s early start?’

‘Did I switch the oven off?’

‘Did I lock the door?’

A goofy routine to propitiate the ageing process: they understand that they are too old for this. After their first kiss, Jim draws away and turns off the ignition: it would be just like him to knee the stick into Drive and land them in the lake. The headlights die, the night is blue, they kiss again.

An orphan cloud covers the moon. Blue turns to black. The car’s surfaces, tin frame and plastic fascia, close in around them. His scream is silent, wracking him out of her arms. He arches back as though electrocuted and cracks his head against the door column. ‘Fuck—’

‘Jim!’

‘Shit.’

‘Not much better.’

‘Sorry. Darn.’

She tries to laugh. ‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Jim.’

‘Nothing. A rabbit ran over my grave.’

She thinks this over.

‘Pesky rabbits,’ she says.

She leans over and kisses him again. But the moment has passed. ‘I’m going for a smoke,’ she says, a minute later. She pecks him on the cheek and climbs from the car. He watches her go. He sits back, lays his hands on the steering wheel and forces himself, by main effort, to calm down. A second cloud hides the moon and the night swallows her. He leans forward and peers up at the sky: what is happening to the weather?

One by one, between the slowly stirring branches, stars are going out.

The waters off Japan, February 1954.

This is shortly after the Korean War and two years into Jim’s marriage to Marilyn, effected just a couple of hours after graduating from the Naval Academy at Annapolis. At this point in his career, Jim is just a humble aviator, assigned to the SS Shangri-La from Moffet Field. He’s flying McDonnell F2H Banshees: brutal turbo-powered monsters that cheerfully nudge the stratosphere.

The airframe wraps around him in the night, the dark itself turned metal, stuffing eyes and mouth, as he takes stock. What he’s been following all these hours, burning up his fuel, what he thought was his homing beacon – well, it turns out that it wasn’t. He’s been following the wrong signal for – how long is it now? – and there are no ground lights, no ships in the vicinity, to help him find his way back on course. Neither are there any stars. He can’t afford to waste fuel punching the cloud layer, because any navigation reading he takes will be meaningless by the time he descends again, and anyway he hasn’t the fuel. Thank God the instrument lights are working. Without them, how could he be sure which way is up? It is at this point that he thinks to plug in the little geegaw he’s made to boost the cockpit illumination – and in doing so, he fuses every light in the cockpit.

In a lonely bubble, bobbing above the Pacific, Jim Lovell, navy pilot, looks out from his blacked-out Banshee at the sky. If it is the sky. There are no stars. His instruments are out and his lights are out and there are no stars and there is no carrier, there is no Shangri-La. Where is the goddamn Shangri-La?

Jim Lovell, astronaut, climbs from the car. He misses the path and pushes through the undergrowth to the shore of Lake Kissimmee. Marilyn is stood at the end of a narrow wooden jetty, facing away from him. A red flare arcs and gutters as she tosses her cigarette into the water.

The screws of the carrier Shangri-La agitate the waters of the Pacific. The water, rich in plankton, glows. In the extremity of his failure, Jim Lovell, navy pilot, sees a green light: the wake of a ship. He follows the wake. It leads him home.

He steps onto the jetty. He walks up to his wife. An F2H Banshee stays in the air using two Westinghouse J34-WE-30 turbojets, each rated at 3,150 pounds of thrust. It takes off by means of a rubber catapult. It comes to rest by means of a grappling hook. It is very important for him to control his speed at this point. It is vital that he not overshoot and topple off the end of the jetty into the bass-rich waters of Lake Kissimmee. He bites his lip against laughter. The day has shaken loose so many bits of himself, all the joy and fear of what he does. He touches Marilyn on the shoulder.

She turns. ‘Oh,’ she says, looking straight into his eyes. ‘You again.’ She lets his laughter roll on a little way, then stops it with a kiss. ‘Time to go home.’

BANSHEE

Beira, Mozambique —

November 1992

In 1992, Mozambique’s seventeen-year-old civil war was ended by the worst drought in living memory. Even fertile Gorongosa, in the interior of the country, found itself dependent on food aid. From trains grinding their way west along the contested Beira–Machipanda rail-line, armed men rolled sacks of grain into the dust. The sacks split. It could be days since the last train and I would still find boys from my class crawling about the embankments, sifting grains from fistfuls of gravel.

With the region in such disarray, I found it relatively easy to desert my post. So I returned to the coast and settled in Beira, Mozambique’s second city.

Beira was a port town. It depended for its income on Mozambique’s landlocked neighbours to the west, and on the busy overland corridor through which their trade was conducted. Attacks on this corridor by RENAMO, the apartheid-backed faction in this war, had rendered Beira redundant, and today’s famine relief effort, shipping grain for onward distribution, was too little and too hesitant to revive the city’s fortunes. Consequently, the streets had acquired a timelessness that was not romantic. There was no light, no water, no food, no sanitation. There were only people.

Shelter was at a premium. In my building whole families lived out diagonal lives in the stairwell. There was no electricity to run elevators, so the cheapest apartments in the city were on the upper floors of the tower blocks. None of the blocks was especially high by Western standards, so my tenth-floor eyrie gave me views across the whole city.

It was the piano, rather than the views, which first sold the apartment to me. I hadn’t had a piano since I was a child. It was an antique upright from colonial days, shipped from Portugal and abandoned during the exodus. Its lid was locked, so I couldn’t try it out, but once I’d established that it came with the apartment, I agreed to take the place, overpriced as it was.

For the most part of each day, I would sit out on my handkerchiefsized balcony and watch the city consume itself. There was no firewood to be had, and since most of the windows in town were mesh, not glass, people had decided that it was an easy and a relatively harmless thing to chip out the window frames for fuel. When that supply was exhausted, people turned on their furniture. Those who had run out of furniture pulled up sections of floor. By evening, the woodsmoke from 10,000 braiis made my eyes smart, and I went indoors. Usually I went to bed around this time. There was little else to do. The radio was useless as batteries were hard to come by.

The piano was a different story.

The day I moved in, the first thing I did was break open the keyboard. I sat down to play. The instrument emitted a dreadful dead thumping and wheezing. I pulled off the top and looked in.

The strings had been cut.

The piano came with a piano stool; lifting up the lid, I discovered that it was full of sheet music. Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavier. I managed, with a deal of effort, to wheel the unstrung piano onto the balcony, and there I sat down and played: clippety-clop, clippety-clop – bonk. As the weeks went by, so my coordination improved to the point where I could hear the shape of the music and the pattern of the parts. At last the piano’s hammers found their mark, tapping, ever so lightly, the strings inside my head.

I stopped my playing and looked over the city to the old holiday camps sprawled along the seafront. Beach huts were being adapted to accommodate refugees flooding to the coast from the parched interior. It seemed to me that, with this latest influx, Beira would achieve a critical mass. All it had going for it was the size of its population, but maybe this was enough. After twenty years of this bare existence, the city had learned how to feed off its own refuse for ever. I imagined it spreading in a chain reaction across the whole world: a self-sustaining half-life.

Communications were unreliable. The city had decayed to the point where it had learned to do without the outside world. There was little in the way of entertainment. A handful of bottle stores operated out of mud-brick houses along the shore, and it was to these that I thumbed my way, come late afternoon – or drove sometimes, if there was fuel enough for the pick-up.

With transport so hard to come by, every vehicle on the road was an unofficial bus; driving without passengers attracted the attention of the police. One afternoon, out on the coastal road, one of the men I had picked up rapped on the roof of the cabin and pointed me down a track towards a bit of beach I had not explored before. Several others seemed to know of the place, so once I had let off the onward travellers I rolled the pick-up down to the beach. At the tree-line, an enclosure fenced off with rushes marked the site of a new bottle store. The place had an ambitious layout. The tables and benches in the enclosure were cast concrete, but their surfaces were decorated with inset fragments of pottery and mirror. Under a raised veranda, I saw the walls of the store had fresh murals.

Inside, a white kid with a slurred Austrian accent was giving the girl behind the bar a hard time.

‘I know every fucking owner on this coast,’ he said, more or less, his speech a druggy mishmash of German and Portuguese.

Dumb, impassive, the girl shook her head.

‘Fucking bitch.’

From out the back a white man – a real bruiser – joined the girl. ‘Out,’ he said, barely bothering to make eye contact. He and Austrian Boy must have run into each other before, because the kid began straight away to retreat towards the veranda. ‘You’re fucked,’ he shouted. ‘You’d better watch your back. I know people.’

The barman blinked. He was a big man, clean-shaven, crew-cut, built for a fight. His eyes were mean and set close together. His mouth let him down: small and pursed above a weakling chin. ‘What crap was that?’ he asked no one in particular, in English, when the boy was gone. I was surprised to hear the man’s Norfolk burr: I had assumed, from the sheer size of him, that he was a Boer.

By way of conversation, I translated the boy’s German.

‘Really.’

‘Or words to that effect,’ I said.

All the other bottle stores were locally run and I wondered what had driven a European to set up in so unrewarding a business. The drinks here were the usual trio – orange Fanta, green-label Carlsberg and chibuku, a locally produced granular swill I had never got used to. I supposed he must be, like me, an ideological recruit to FRELIMO, the country’s beleaguered socialist government. I couldn’t think what else would bring an Englishman to such a miserable pass. He was about my age: a middle-aged drifter for whom home was by now a distant memory. He was happy to talk to a countryman and, when I offered to buy him a beer, he plucked a Carlsberg off the shelf and led me to an outdoor table.

His name was Nick Jenkins. I told him something about myself. I mentioned Gorongosa, and it surprised me how much I was prepared to relive of that time, merely to feed a casual chat.

We talked about the war, and when I explained how, in spite of my politics, I had come to work as a teacher in RENAMO’s apartheid-funded heartland – how I had fomented Marxist revolution among my seven- and eight-year-olds under the very noses of the party hierarchy – Jenkins chuckled.

My own life, eventful as it might have appeared from the outside, had been dictated by the sweep of political events. Nick Jenkins, on the other hand, like all true adventurers, had somehow sidestepped the big events of his day. This was his second time in Mozambique. The first, the late sixties, had seen him working the merchant lines out of Maputo when it was still Lourenço Marques, the colonial capital. From there he’d gone to the Caribbean, where he’d built up a small import-export concern. ‘It was my second time there, and all,’ he laughed. ‘I can’t seem to make up my mind.’

I did a quick mental calculation. ‘You must have been young the first time, then. Your first time in the Caribbean. When was that? Early sixties?’

‘Damn right.’ He nodded. ‘A bloody kid.’

It was when he told me about Cuba that I began to doubt his tale.

‘Six bloody battalions,’ he sighed, reminiscing. ‘Fifteen hundred men. Christ!’

‘You were in the Bay of Pigs landing?’

‘Not “in” it. We just happened to be berthed in Puerto Cabezas for a refit. The boat was chartered. We came with the boat. We were deckhands, not squaddies.’

The enormity of this new anecdote, artfully shaped out of hints and hesitations and the occasional buzz-word, took my breath away. That a seventeen-year-old boy from the fens should have washed up on the beaches of Havana in 1961 seemed incredible.

He did not stop there. A couple of years later, he told me, one night in October 1963, he found himself washing glasses in the very nightclub where Yuri Gagarin, hero of the Soviet Union and the first man in space, was celebrating the first leg of yet another world friendship tour. Jenkins had a gift for detail. The motley quality of Gagarin’s official retinue – every suit an arms supplier or party dilettante – was lent added spice by the invective he had saved up for their wives: monstrous, shot-putting hags obsessed with translating Neruda and Borges into Russian. He even had it in mind that the Playa Girón – the bay where a band of coral had, he said, been fatally mistaken for seaweed – later gave its name to the national honour the Cuban president Fidel Castro awarded Gagarin during this goodwill trip.

‘He showed it to me, right there in the bar. Yuri did. His medal. And I showed him my scar. And Yuri laughed and told me, “You too wear the Order of Playa Girón!”’

I was tempted to ask what language they had used, that Jenkins could converse so freely with a Russian cosmonaut. Together with his highbrow literary references, so lovingly mispronounced (‘Georgie Borkiss’), his story convinced me that I was in the company of a gifted imposter.

It was night by the time we were done, and the kerosene was running low in the lamp. I waited for Jenkins to lock up, and walked with him to where our vehicles were parked. My deepening silence should have warned him that the evening’s game was up, but Jenkins could not resist further embroidery.

‘Seaweed!’ he laughed. ‘Fuckers in American intelligence had it down for seaweed. Fucking coral, more like. I felt the deck lurch, the whole bloody boat started to roll, and I didn’t hang around, I can tell you. I jumped, and it’s a bloody miracle I didn’t spit myself on the reef.’ He thought about this and added, ‘Some did.’

Jenkins’s Land Rover was drawn up a few feet from where I had parked the Toyota. The moon came out from behind a cloud, and I saw that the Land Rover was leaning drunkenly to the right. Before I thought to stop him, Jenkins had walked over to investigate. He was still spinning his tale as he vanished into shadow. ‘I heard them screaming in the dark. I tasted their blood in the water—’

There then came the sound I imagine a cricket bat makes as it strikes a cabbage, a thud as of a body falling into sand, and Jenkins was silent.

I charged like an idiot into the darkness.

I couldn’t see a thing. Arms upraised, I swung about, hoping I might collide usefully with Jenkins’s attacker. I stumbled and fell headlong. I tried to get up. Something buried itself in the sand by my right ear. I grabbed it. The stick came free without a struggle. I scrambled to my feet. I was afraid to swing the stick blindly, but then the assailant, disarmed, stumbled out of the vehicle’s shadow into the moonlight. Austrian Boy, of course. I ran at him with the stick held point-first. It was a flimsy sort of weapon – the best the boy’s fool mind could come up with in all the hours Jenkins and I had been drinking. I did what I could with it, punching him deep under his ribcage. Winded, he fell back another couple of paces. Jenkins was already up on his feet. He blundered past me and swung his clenched fist back and forth in front of the boy’s face: his features disappeared in a splash of black blood.

‘Jesus,’ I said.

Jenkins turned past me. The boy was staggering blindly about the track, hands pressed to his face, holding it together.

I followed Jenkins across the sand. It was a magnificent night, the sky white with stars. At the water’s edge, each wave gave a faint burst of greenish light as it rolled into the sand. Jenkins kneeled, oblivious to the water swilling round his knees, and washed the blood off his Stanley knife. He dried it fastidiously on his shirt.

I said to him, ‘Don’t do things by halves, do you?’

He ignored me, scooped up seawater in handfuls and threw it over his face, washing off the blood dribbling from the scratch on his scalp.

When he was done bathing his head he sank back on the sand. ‘We never stood a fucking chance,’ he said, his face empty of all feeling. I couldn’t tell whether he meant tonight, or 16 April 1961. I didn’t much care, either. The war had acclimatized me to Jenkins’s brand of cheap violence, but it had not got rid of my distaste.

I helped him up and back towards the vehicles. The boy had vanished again. Once I had got Jenkins into the passenger seat of the Toyota, I turned on the cabin light and examined his cut. There was still blood running behind his ear and into the collar of his shirt, but the cut itself was trivial; the seawater had already begun to staunch the flow. I studied his pupils, and got him to hold out his hands for me. I found no sign of concussion. ‘Sit tight,’ I said.

Taking the flashlight with me, I went to check what damage the boy had done to his Land Rover. The worst I found were a couple of deflated tyres, but, when I returned to the pick-up, Jenkins had disappeared. I called and, when I got no reply, I seriously considered driving off and leaving him there. Every instinct told me I should leave this evening behind as quickly as possible.

Then I heard Jenkins ranting in bad Portuguese: ‘What the bloody hell is the point?’ His angry exclamation came to me muffled by distance. ‘If I was a burglar you’d be dead by now!’ Jenkins was fairly screaming. I turned my flashlight back on and shone it towards the bottle store. He must have gone round the back.

Another, unfamiliar voice replied, ‘Eeh? Eeh, chiyani? What? Where are they? I have a club! Look, I have a club!’

For the second time that evening, it sounded as though my host was being threatened. With a heavy heart, I approached the back of the bottle store. I found Jenkins towering over a small man by the side of a watchman’s hut not much bigger than a kennel.

‘Why don’t you use the bloody light?’ Jenkins shouted. ‘You should be round the front.’

His watchman laughed at such absurdity. ‘To light the burglar’s way? They can’t see in the dark, you know.’

‘How are you meant to spot them, then? Wait till they trip over you? Look, you fucking idiot, there’s one out there now. What are you going to do about him, eh?’

‘The hut is here! I have my gun! I never sleep, I listen all the time.’

‘Get out the front. He won’t do you any harm, not now I’ve done your bloody job for you. Find him and get him to clear off.’

Jenkins noticed me waiting for him, and suddenly lost interest in his watchman. ‘Oh, stay where you are, then. Get your throat cut, why should I worry?’ Mumbling, nursing his head, Jenkins joined me and together we returned to my truck.

I mentioned his flat tyres, and since there had been no other visible damage to his vehicle, Jenkins, much recovered, took this as good news.

‘It was so bloody dark we couldn’t see a thing,’ he said, as I dug about for my keys. He was picking up where he left off, practically mid-sentence. ‘We were running into each other. Knocking each other down. Everyone was screaming. Most of us couldn’t swim.’

After all that had happened tonight, I was losing my patience. ‘If you were captured after the Bay of Pigs fiasco, if you were a convicted contra, how come a couple of years later you were working in a Havana nightclub?’

‘That was the length of my sentence,’ he said, surprised, as if the answer were self-evident. ‘Twenty-two months in La Cabaña. Come on, I was only a kid, anyone could see that.’

He curled forward and bent his head for me to examine his shorn scalp, presenting me with incontrovertible proof of his story. ‘There,’ he said, playing his fingers over the cut the boy had dealt him. He wanted me to see something else, something beneath: the scar from a wound inflicted by an oar wielded by an outraged Cuban fisherman, twenty-six years before, on the day CIA-backed Cuban contras came to grief in the Bay of Pigs. ‘Tottery old fucker, he was. Found me hiding in his boathouse.’ Jenkins laughed, head still bent for my inspection. ‘A sinking ship to escape from in the middle of the night, a fucking reef to climb over, couldn’t see a thing, shells and bullets and God knows what whizzing everywhere, and this is my one and only battle scar.’

I could see that he needed a couple of stitches after tonight. What I couldn’t see was any old war wound.

Jenkins sat up too fast, groaned and held his head. ‘The shit must have clobbered me in the same place. Bloody feels like it, too – there he is…’

I had just that moment turned on my headlights. Austrian Boy was slumped some distance up the track, covered in blood. His eyes shone out of the mess of his face like two blue stones.

I drove towards him. Shock had made him stupid: he just sat there, waiting to be run over. I braked. ‘Now what?’ I said.

‘All right, give me a hand.’ We got out and went over to the boy. Jenkins took his arms and I took his feet. We ignored his keening and manhandled him into the bed of the Toyota. There were a couple of NGOs newly opened on the highway into town; if we dumped him in front of the right gate, some well-meaning Swedish doctor would see to him soon enough.

London – Johannesburg —

September 1998

Heathrow. The airliner makes a lumbering turn, engages its engines and pushes TV and movie actress Stacey Chavez back in her seat.

The acceleration is oddly comforting, as the upholstery enfolds her stick-thin body, wrapping it away from harm, but the moment the plane leaves the ground, all this is lost and Stacey realizes she has made a terrible mistake.

(‘I wonder how you are,’ her father wrote to her recently, a quarter-century too late. How did he get her email address? ‘The clinic didn’t tell me anything. They just send me the bills.’ Moisés Chavez – a wanted man.)

Stacey is flying to Mozambique to film a short documentary about landmine clearance. Three years ago there were about three million landmines seeded across the country. How many remain to blow off a farmer’s genitals here, an inquisitive toddler’s head there, is uncertain; her producer Owen has already conducted interviews with a couple of the half-dozen organizations employed in mine clearance, and they have said that the problem will never entirely go away.

(Stacey claws at the armrests as the plane punches through pocket after pocket of dead air. She is afraid, not of flying, but of this sensation, this lurching and dropping which she associates, after years of illness, with the flutters of her starved heart.)

In twenty-four hours or less, Stacey Chavez will be standing in front of a camera, got up in the sort of protective gear – kevlar tabard, plastic visor – sported just last year in Angola by Princess Diana. Disaster is assured. She can see the tabloids now, feasting on the conjunction between her clothes-hanger body and a continent’s starvation. (Her knowledge of Africa hardly extends beyond the Live Aid concert, and she imagines everyone there is chronically short of food.) She can rehearse in her own head, long before they are written, the ugly comparisons that will be drawn between her and Saint Diana. ‘Who does she think she is?’ they will say and people will snigger.

(‘I see your name in magazines but I don’t believe them, I just look at the pictures. It looks to me like you’re better now. Are you?’)

There is, after ten years of self-starvation, no possibility of Stacey making a full recovery. If she is careful, her heart will not fail her just yet. But it will fail. A neat irony, this: the very moment you decide that you want to live, they tell you how many years you have shaved off your life. Yes, she has made a terrible mistake, and not even the attentions of Ewan McGregor can soothe away the fact.

He touches her wrist for the briefest of moments and gives her one of those how-are-you? smiles. His good looks are an affront. By his touch he has made her aware of her hand, and she rather wishes he hadn’t: her hand, this pallid claw that is somehow attached to her and is, for some reason, her responsibility, its nails dug deep in the armrest’s plastic padding. She lifts it, turns it, examines it: an unfamiliar domestic implement. McGregor, taking its movements for an invitation, takes her hand in his.

McGregor, the star of Trainspotting and tipped to play Obi-Wan Kenobi in Lucas’s new Star Wars trilogy, is flying with Stacey as far as Johannesburg. Stacey Chavez has a three-hour stopover there before flying South African Airways to Maputo, the capital of Mozambique. Over the next couple of months, nine other celebrities will be flying to locations all over Africa. Their punchy, insistently upbeat documentaries will go to support a popular annual TV appeal.

A week before, Stacey’s producer Owen sent her the rushes of their initial to-camera. The footage was worse than she’d feared. Who was that dead-eyed brat with her shock-white hair and her chemical tan? Could this really be her? Could those really be her thoughts? Every opinion she spouted came larded with junk words like ‘exclusion’ and ‘branding’.

Owen’s pre-fabricated style of documentary is ruthlessly efficient. Over gin and tonics in Blacks on Dean Street, Owen and Benjamin, their cameraman, have talked her through every shot. Each one of Stacey’s sentiments and reactions is to be manufactured according to an already written plan. The technique will save a lot of time but this hurried style of rehearsal reminds her, ironically enough, of Grange Hill, the children’s school soap opera which first launched her acting career. Stacey had been looking forward to something different.

The clearance programmes have lent a boom-town atmosphere to Manhiça, the town where they are filming. With all these foreigners around, Dutch and English and American, Benjamin wondered aloud, over his second G&T, how he was going to keep them out of his footage.

Stacey was slightly scandalized – she is unused to documentary and its compromises – and wondered aloud if this really mattered.

‘One random white face and the whole thing’s buggered,’ Owen assured her, passing his expenses card to the waitress.

A television set domesticates whatever you happen to be watching. This is his theory. The exotic has to be pointed up, exaggerated, even manufactured, or the foreigness of their location – so obvious to them – will simply not translate to the screen. Neither Owen nor Benjamin expressed the slightest faith in the camera’s ability to tell the truth.

The drinks trolley passes. McGregor insists they share one of those mini-bottles of champagne and, making conversation, slides unwisely into shop-talk. He asks her, ‘Weren’t you doing something for Amiel?’

Jon Amiel: director of The Singing Detective, back in the eighties. Look closely during the rendition of ‘Dry Bones’ in episode three and you will spot Stacey kick-stepping her way out of her five-year Grange Hill gig in a nurse’s hat, white fishnets and a smile. Now Amiel is reinventing himself as a Hollywood action director. Stacey was his first choice for the part of the insurance investigator in Entrapment, a role since snapped up by Catherine Zeta-Jones.

‘Events got in the way,’ Stacey tells McGregor, fixing him with wide, black, mischievous eyes that, though sunken, have not lost all their glamour.

It is all a terrible, grotesque mistake, her being here, her doing this, and what makes it worse, she can’t even blame her agent. Did she not burst into the offices of ICM, days after her return from Los Angeles and the eating disorders clinic, to demand work, exposure, media coverage, face-time? Begging for a second shot at the very life that knocked her down?

Looking back on her oh-so-promising past, Stacey senses its sterility. Even before she went to Hollywood, she had reduced her every passion to an ambition, every ambition to a career plan. By the time of her collapse she had stripped her life down so far it felt as though she had run her every permutation a hundred, a thousand times. No wonder death had seemed a welcome novelty; in that state of mind nothing, least of all success, could ever seem fresh or new or exciting.

(‘I want to be something to you now. You were doing so well before, I was only a liability. I hope you see that. I hope you see that things are different now.’)

She has to find something else to do with her life. Something less fatuous.

‘Who’s having the special meal, then?’

The stewardess’s interruption is fortunate. It is hard to know, otherwise, what response McGregor could have made to Stacey’s candid reference to ‘events’. He cannot possibly have remained ignorant of them. From Variety to Hello!, rags of every hue have anatomized the fall of Stacey Chavez, child star turned gymslip pin-up turned LA wannabe. Her collapse. The half-minute she lay flatlined on the gurney.

‘The special? Ooh, that will be me.’

What saved her? If she knew that, then maybe this word ‘recovery’ would hold more meaning for her. If she had ‘recovered her faith’, for example. But she is not aware of recovering any sort of faith in anything. It feels to her as if she simply woke up one day, found herself in hospital and decided that she was, after all, still afraid of death. Everything else – her gains in weight, her improved blood pressure, the ketones vanished from her urine – seem to have followed logically from that reawoken fear.

What kind of victory is that? It does not feel at all as though she is ‘winning out over her condition’. It is rather as though she has simply swapped her love of death – so grand, so romantic – for the common-or-garden terror of it.

This sense of anticlimax is, she knows, part of her life now: a necessary consequence of her recovery from addiction. How shameful though, how embarrassing, to have to acknowledge that what she has been hooked on all this time is neither drink nor smack nor sex, but simply the glamour of her own will. Dying to please herself, she was larger than life. Actually having to live with herself, day after day – this is a harder, more humbling proposition.

(‘Of course I heard about Deborah. I am truly sorry for everything. Not a day went by I did not think of her and of you.’ Moisés Chavez, absent husband, absent father, playing catch-up after all these years. ‘I believe your mother had the very best care. Is there anything I can do for you?’ Though wanted by law enforcement on three continents, Moisés still contrives to pay his family’s medical bills.)

‘Is it special, then?’ McGregor is still trying to get her into conversation.

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Is it a special meal?’

‘Oh…’ She cannot think how to respond. She casts around her compartmented plastic plate, looking for clues. She cannot think of a single thing to say that will not either embarrass or discomfort him. For instance, how the food on aeroplanes reminds her of the meals in the hospital, each portion so carefully presented, under foil, under plastic, the way a transplant surgeon might receive a donor’s organ.

‘Yes,’ she says, and tries to laugh.

Her special meal. Stacey’s circulation is geared by now to the meagre wants of a five-stone body, and her programme of weight-gain, painfully circumspect as it is, makes difficult demands of her ill-used vital organs. She will eat everything they put in front of her. This is the deal. She will neither toy, nor conceal, nor rearrange. Not that it is likely, so soon after treatment, that she will slide into her old, obsessive-compulsive behaviours.

(‘Call me. Please.’)

It is much more probable, at this point in her recovery, that her shrivelled heart will explode.

Glasgow, UK —

Friday, 12 March 1999

The receptionist wore an orange Jimmy-wig, a propeller tie and a big red nose. As I came in the door, he squeezed his nose at me. It squeaked.

I told him, ‘I have a room booked. Saul Cogan.’ I had gone back to using my real identity. I was beyond aliases.

‘I am afraid your room is not quite ready, sir.’ He made to squeeze his nose at me again, then thought better of it.

I said to him, ‘Is this an airport hotel?’

‘I am terribly sorry, sir.’

‘Have you any idea how long I have been awake?’

‘Your room would normally be ready for you, sir, only the staff are taking a little longer this morning.’

‘Let me guess,’ I said, ‘the maids are wearing gigantic clown shoes.’

‘Yes, sir!’ he agreed, brightly. ‘If you would care to wear a hooter today, sir,’ he pointed to a cardboard tray piled with squeaky joke-shop noses, ‘we undertake to contribute five per cent of your final bill to—’

‘Look at my face.’

‘It should only be a matter of minutes, sir. The breakfast bar is now open.’

I had spent almost a year working in places where the only food was nsima, a kind of gruel, with – as an occasional treat – Maggi instant noodles (‘Asam Laksa Flavour’). I had had twenty hours or so of airline food with which to sate my yearning for all the tastes I had been going without. I had eaten everything the stewardesses had put in front of me. I licked the butter raw out of its tiny plastic ramekin. It was not enough. As soon as I entered that room and saw the laden tables, the fresh fruit, the ten different kinds of cereal, the serving bowls of prunes, dried figs, banana chips, mixed nuts, the cold-meat selection, the cheese-board, the tray of fruit-flavoured yoghurts, plain yoghurt, Greek yoghurt, I knew I was going to have to put all of it, everything, at the very least a little bit of everything, into my mouth.

Afterwards there was no point even trying to sleep, and I looked around for some amusement. There was a swimming pool; I liked the notion of standing about in warm water, relieved of my own weight. I could as easily have gone up to my room, assuming it was ready, and run a bath, but I was afraid I might fall asleep. I pictured myself choking on my own swill.

By the door to the pool area there was a keep-fit franchise. Though the hotel staff were bowed beneath the kosh of Comic Relief’s Red Nose Day, the girl serving in the franchise had left her circus gear at home. The only swimming trunks she had left in stock were size XXL. They were fluorescent pink. ‘Christ,’ I said, handing her my card.

The pool was enclosed in a glass dome, the panes held in place by a complex spider-web of white-painted steel struts. The pool was an amoeboid shape that made ‘lengths’ impossible and off-putting displays of jock athleticism unlikely. The remaining space was filled with white plastic recliners and potted palms. There was one other guest, sat with her feet up on a recliner at the far end of the space, holding the hotel’s standard-issue white terry robe tightly to her chin. Every so often she would take a moment to peck intently, one-handed, at a heavy black laptop computer.

I took a bathsheet from the pile by the door and tossed it onto a recliner far away from hers. Once I had found a deepish-looking corner I slipped into the water. The tiles beneath my feet were pimpled, anti-slip affairs that tickled all my cuts and sore places. Underwater light glanced off my trunks and lent the water a pleasant blush.

The water was so hot – practically bath heat – I could not stay in for long. After a desultory paddle or two I heaved myself none too elegantly out of the water. As I got to my feet I caught my neighbour’s eye. The defensive way she was clutching her robe was belied by her smile.

I said, ‘I just want to make it clear, these were the only trunks they had.’

She took a moment to study them. ‘They do not necessarily reflect your opinions?’

‘That’s correct.’

‘I am reassured.’

‘I wouldn’t want you to think that these trunks speak for me in any way.’

It began to rain. Raindrops driven against the hexagons and pentagons of the dome caused the structure to ring slightly. It was an exhilarating effect, and one the designers had probably not anticipated. ‘I’m going to call for a drink. Do you want anything?’

She shook her head.

When my gin and tonic arrived she raised her eyebrows at me.

‘It may be your morning,’ I said, ‘it certainly isn’t mine.’ I crossed to the recliner next to hers. The crow’s feet at her eyes suggested a woman in her forties, and she had one of those perfectly preserved figures that childlessness gives some women.

She adjusted the fold of her robe and took her hand away from her neck. I set my drink down on the table between us and glimpsed, between her collar-bones, the start of a deep and beautiful scar.

She pretended to concentrate.

‘What is that you’re working on? Beyond the obvious.’

‘As if I would stoop to a cheap gag like that.’

‘As if.’

‘It’s a laptop.’

‘You could not resist.’

‘I felt a terrible compunction.’ She set her laptop down beside my drink, loosened her robe and turned – all this in one fluid action. She headed for the pool and performed a goofy little dive: anything more dramatic, and she would have cracked her head on the bottom. She moved well through the water; her movements were so economical it was hard to see how they managed to propel her. When she was done, she pushed herself out on her arms. Her body had the sallow sheen one gets from regular indoor exercise. She walked back to her chair. The scar extended beyond the cut of her one-piece. It was a well-healed thing, perhaps from childhood. I wanted to trace it.

She dried herself off and belted herself into her terry robe. ‘Can I have that back now?’

I was tapping at her keyboard, scrolling through the presentation she had been working on. ‘Wait. I’ve nearly worked it out.’

‘Really.’

‘What this thing is.’

‘Give it back.’

I lifted the laptop into her hands.

She closed the machine down and shut the lid.

I finished my drink. ‘My room will be ready now,’ I said.

‘Is that some sort of invitation?’

‘I like your aura of calm authority,’ I said. ‘I like how you move in water.’

‘You want to know me better.’

‘I can’t ask you out for a drink, it’s only ten in the morning. Anyway, you’ll be gone in a few hours.’ I gestured at the black box on her lap. ‘According to your calendar.’

We left for our respective changing areas. I collected my card key from reception and went up to my room. There was a minisystem, but only one CD by Phil Collins. I tried tuning the radio, without success. When I turned on the TV it flashed up a greeting for Saul Coogan, whoever he was. I didn’t expect her to knock.

When I found her there outside my door I said, ‘You forgot your laptop.’

‘I thought it might distract you.’ She was dressed for leaving. She told me her luggage was already at the desk. It became clear that she was more practised at these encounters than I was.

She asked me what I did. I told her, with some necessary elisions, about the past year. About the camp at Al Ghahain, in the Yemen. About the Somali refugees I had befriended, and their plight. At some point her hand, which had slid from my knee to the crotch of my pants, ceased to move. She did not understand. Struggling to find some point of connection, she told me, ‘In my sports centre, they let asylum-seekers in for free.’

‘Asylum-seekers are not allowed to work,’ I pointed out.

‘Exactly,’ she said.

I moved us onto safer ground. ‘Your laptop,’ I said, and while she talked I took off her clothes.

‘It crawls from connection to connection,’ she said. ‘It closes the gaps between things.’

It learns who you are, she told me, and intuits the things you most desire. Which bottle of wine. Which book. Which holiday. Which human being. I took off her bra and took each nipple into my mouth.

The thing on her laptop was a search engine. This was her work, her reason for being. The crowning glory of a life of project management. Though she told me the project’s name, I never saw it again, and I imagine both it and she fell victim to the stock crash which consumed her industry, just a few months later.

I laid her flat on the bed and lifted her arms above her head to stretch her scar. It ran at a slight diagonal from her throat to a point below her rib-cage. She told me they had cracked her chest when she was a baby, to plug a hole in her heart.

The cut had healed very well: the casual stroke of a tailor’s chalk, splitting her in half. I knelt down to taste her, and, when she came, the scar flushed suddenly, a streak of red lightning under her skin. I traced it with my finger.

‘The heart’s signal,’ I said.

She laughed. ‘I can never fake.’

‘A message from the heart.’ I was determined to have my meaningful moment.

She told me some men wouldn’t kiss her scar; or they would kiss it in a manner they fancied would not be noticed. Some pretended not to notice it at all. I understood why, when I first saw her, she had held her robe closed so tightly around her throat. It was to attract my attention.

I told her I wanted to pull her scar open. That I had this desire to touch what was inside.

Apparently I was not the first to say that, either.

We played each other like instruments, a finger here, lips there, with very little passion. She drew my foreskin down, wetted me with her mouth, and while she ran the palm of her hand in slow circles over me, she told me about her work and its philosophy. (She wanted me to know her work had a philosophy.) About webs and matrices. How things and people are bound together. About the shadow separating a desire and its satisfaction, and how that shadow is banished in the white glare of modern information technology.

‘Now I want to fuck you.’

‘Do you, now?’ she said.

I reached over to the bedside table and fished a condom out of the packet. ‘Make me wet,’ I said. I held the back of her head while she did it, and then I put on the rubber and climbed on top of her. I wanted to see that white line go red again. I wanted to see that subtle, subterranean eruption along the old fault line: the halves of her yearning to separate. I slid inside her.

The door to the corridor opened and in walked a maid wearing a green fright-wig, a red nose, striped pantaloons and metre-long plastic overshoes.

‘For Christ’s sake,’ I said.

The maid mumbled something about the door being open and hurried to leave. Her feet wouldn’t let her turn around. She kept treading on them. Humiliated, she had to edge backwards through the doorway.

The interruption had ruined any chance that lightning might run through that scar a second time. Patting each other, reassuring each other, we abandoned the attempt. ‘I need to freshen up,’ I said, and locked myself in the bathroom, hoping that by the time I came out, she would be dressed again.

She was faster than I was: the room was empty when I emerged. I returned to the bed. She had straightened the duvet for me: a gesture with so little redeemable meaning, in the end I had to throw the thing off and lie on the bare sheet, just so I could stop thinking about what it meant.

I got out my mobile phone and laid it on the pillow beside me. There was still no call from Nick Jinks – Nick Jenkins, as I had first known him. (By the sixth month of our unlikely and profitable partnership, Jinks had drunkenly revealed his real name to me – but not his reason for changing it. That revelation would come later, and until then I more or less assumed that it was a seafarer’s superstition that had made him keep Jinks a secret.)

I looked at my watch: why was I worrying? It was still far too early; the ferry wouldn’t even have docked. I closed my eyes and tried a relaxing breathing exercise – something I had picked up, in spite of myself, from my long-haul’s wakey-wakey prior-to-landing video.

She had told me how everything is architecture.

People, she had said, are the patterns they make.

People are rhythms, reverberating along the strands of an all-encompassing web.

I imagined myself embedded in her web of global connections, the futile syncopations of my gluey little feet, and fell asleep.

Portsmouth, UK —

the same day

Fifty-seven-year-old former merchant seaman Nick Jinks rolls his juggernaut off the ferry and up the narrow causeway – tarmac over steel; the whole structure trembles – to the Portsmouth Harbour customs area. He shuts off the container’s ventilation so as not to arouse the officers’ suspicion, presents his paperwork, and waits.

Nick Jinks has travelled all over the world. In Havana, he has swapped jokes in bad Spanish with Yuri Gagarin. As he celebrated his twenty-eighth birthday alone in a jazz bar by the docks in Port-au-Prince, a man claiming to be John Kennedy’s real assassin stood him a mojito, lacing it generously with cocaine from a silver spoon. He was in Port Canaveral, December 1972, closing the deal on a Cuban exile’s sport fishing boat, in time to see a Saturn V booster carry Apollo Seventeen, the last ever manned moonshot, into orbit. He was in Auckland harbour in 1985, actually staggering along Marsden Wharf with a beer tin in his hand, the night the French secret service blew up the Rainbow Warrior. He has been brushed by newsworthy events. He has had more than his share of luck. But Nick Jinks has never acquired the knack of accumulation. What he earns, he spends.