Three days coronavirUS in my head E-Book

Britta Kanacher

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Seitenzahl: 137

Beschreibung

Smoking a cigarette on the small step in front of the house suddenly brings about strange changes. The chirping of the birds, the buzzing and whirring of the insects disappears from my perception. Feelings and thoughts make their way into my head and lead to a real firework display. The Corona virus has crept into my head and settled in there. The statement: "The Corona virus is changing the world!" struggles with the question: "Is the virus changing me, too?" Three days, one anthill and one smoking cessation later, it is clear to me, that the virus can mutate into the coronavirUS and thus change the world positively. While this virUS conquers my heart, a rainbow, a supposedly empty card and my cat teach me, why the virus cannot change me.

Leseprobe

“I am more and more convinced

that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far mor on the

way we meet the events of life

than on the nature of those events

themselves”

(Wilhelm von Humboldt)

Table of Contents

First day CoronavirUS in my head

Second day CoronavirUS in my head

Third day CoronavirUS in my head

First day CoronavirUS in my head

It is not so rare that I sit somewhere and get lost in my thoughts. When I notice this, I usually manage to tear myself out of my thoughts and return to reality, remember my daily work, and just carry on - as if nothing had happened.

But now it is becoming more and more difficult for me to interrupt my thoughts and to return to everyday life: just as flies are attracted to the light, messages, opinions, and events are drawn into my brain.

While many flies simply burn on the light bulb and dissolve into nothing: the news flies, mosquitoes of opinions and moths of incidents do not seem to burn up.

Like fireworks illuminating the night sky with brightly coloured light sources, these external influences seem to illuminate my brain sky, whereby one or the other brain cell is stimulated in a special way. Flashes of thoughts race through my brain and a shower of sparks stirs up memories, feelings, lost premonitions, repressed fears, and views long believed to be overcome.

My sea of acquired inner security, my wave of painstakingly created peace of mind and my lake of gained serenity are stirred up again. Everything is boiling again and the gout of seemingly unrestrained power hits me right in the face.

I sit on the small step in front of my house, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, smoke what feels like the five millionth last cigarette of my life and everything that had made me so happy and satisfied at this point seems to have disappeared.

Normally I enjoy the peace and silence of the nonexisting everyday noise here. No engine noise, no human gossip, no rush, no crowd. Instead, the chirping of birds, the buzzing and whirring of insects, the rustling of the wind in the trees and a pleasant emptiness. All this has filled me with joy and satisfaction since I have lived here.

But now everything is different. This tranquillity no longer satisfies me, it no longer touches me at all. Instead, I am touched, and pressed by an invisible, treacherous, even murderous virus - the Corona virus. It is changing the world - and me too?

This thought hits me like a blow - suddenly, my brain firework dies, and I realize that my cigarette has burnt itself out. I obviously did not take another drag. I must have been too absorbed in my thoughts and almost passed out. What was on my mind? Oh yes, this virus, this invisible force that is changing life in the world - and changing me?

"Changing the world” – “Changing me" - these words vibrate back and forth within me. I must think of this frame in which five or six balls hang next to each other on threads. If you take one ball away and let go of it, it bangs against the second one, which seems to lie still. Instead, the rearmost ball swings away and comes back again, hits the neighbouring ball and the ball you just used to get everything going jumps away again. Thus, the outer balls oscillate back and forth without the middle ones moving.

The words "Changing the world” – “Changing me" are oscillating back and forth in my head and what lies in between seems to lie still, although it is somehow resonating.

A virus that changes me, changes the world! Does one has anything to do with the other? With this question in my head I go back into the house and up the stairs into my living room.

On the couch my cat is waiting and as I sit down, she is harassing me with her demands: she loves coconut oil and wants to lick her daily ration - right now! She tolerates no delay, no postponement. I must devote myself to her – Coronavirus or not.

My cat is already quite old, and I am happy that she is still doing so well. So, I do not resent her pushiness and give her what she asks for.

I am even grateful for her pushiness. For a moment she draws all my attention to herself and away from my pressing considerations. Satisfied, the cat licks the oil off my finger. When I serve it to her on a small plate, she spurns it, she only likes to lick it off my finger. Strange, this cat - stubborn, individual, with its very own personality. Enviable – a thought that shoots through my head!

Before I can deal with this thought any further, I hear a knock on my door. My roommate would like to take advantage of the nice weather and work a little in the garden. He asks if I would like to help him.

On one hand I feel a little bit pulled away from my thinking, on the other hand the movement in the air when the sun is shining seems to me very tempting. I decide to do the gardening and go straight along.

The sun warms my body and the work with the earthy soil grounds me. I feel a bit clearer again and enjoy the idle time in my head. Unfortunately, this state does not last for long.

In a break I sit down on the deck chair under the birch tree and let myself slide into the lying position. The view is wonderful through the still leafless branches and twigs of the birch, which seem to reach endlessly high into the sky. I feel infinitely gifted by the life, which brought me here in this deck chair.

And already I feel something pulling at this almost perfect moment. How can I enjoy my life so much here, while elsewhere people are almost trapped in their apartments because of the coronavirus?

Many people live alone in relatively small apartments, others live as a family, which does not necessarily mean that they have more square meters per person available.

Both groups of people currently have problems - singles suffer from a lack of contact with friends and family; families suffer from the possibility of not being able to minimise their forced close contact. Already schizophrenic, this Corona world. People at home, not a normal condition!

This sentence starts a thought carousel. Pictures sit in the gondolas and spin along with them. Pictures of serenely toasting people in beer gardens, pictures of cheerfully laughing young people in pubs, pictures of exuberantly dancing young people. Happiness and joy of life are reflected in these pictures.

Memories of my student days mingle with these pictures. At that time, I also spent a lot of time outside my home. I went to the university, besides that I had to do some cleaning jobs, once a week I joined the dance circle of the university, from time to time I met friends for dinner in a restaurant or at someone's home or we just met for a chat at the pub around the corner. It was a life with a lot of variety outside of my own four walls - a life that is impossible in Corona times.

The bright colours disappear, and the pictures become black and white. In addition, a dark shadow lies over the pictures.

Sadness and despair rise in me and with these feelings new pictures appear on the carousel. Pictures of people who sit lonely on their much too big sofas, pictures of people armed with rubber gloves and cleaning rags, who desperately clean their house thoroughly in every corner and pictures of people who take all their clothes out of the cupboards because they finally want to clean out.

The central fear of Asterix and Obelix mixes with the pictures: "Hopefully the sky won't fall on our heads" and I think: "For some single, the sky is not falling on his head, but the ceiling of his home!"

In my head the image by Carl Spitzweg with the title: “The poor poet” appears. The poet is lying in bed. An umbrella protects him in his small room from the rain that penetrates the leaking roof. Books are piled around his bed.

Given this vision, I think, one can consider himself lucky, who has not only learnt to read, but also has fun reading books and still has one or more treasures on the shelf at home, which he has always wanted to read or wanted to read over and over again. Now was the time for this.

My pictures in my head become more colourful again. There are ways to pass the time. If you don't feel like reading, you can turn on the TV or the Internet and watch movies, documentaries or any kind of posts. The Internet also offers opportunities to exchange information - to keep in touch and to share joys and sorrows. Helping others is also a way of fulfilling pastimes.

A vital question arises, which suddenly takes up space in my head: People are apparently unable to make sense of their lives in an apartment. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that a varied life outside the apartment can also be a mirror for a life outside one's own person?

Do people still live their lives, or do they "only" live one life? If so, which one? Does the Corona crisis, with its initial restrictions, throw people back on themselves?

Is living something physical, or rather something spiritual? "Not what we experience, but how we perceive what we experience, determines our fate." A quote from Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach comes to my mind.

Could one of the purposes of the Corona crisis be to bring people back to their own minds? Could this bring them back to their senses? Away from demanding the satisfaction of external needs, towards the satisfaction of needs that are really important. Away from the all-embracing demand of thinking, towards the conscious perception of what is already given. Away from excessive consumer wishes, towards wishes that are very personal.

My roommate comes back and wants to continue in the garden. I feel like I'm drunk - drunk on this serious thought, which acts like alcohol and clouds my mind.

Do people still live their lives? With this question in my head I get up and reach for the shovel again. Swinging the shovel and digging in the earth, the "alcohol" burns quickly, and I notice how positive spirits are gaining the upper hand again.

Being physically active is a real blessing. If this can still happen in nature in the sunshine, it is downright a soul bathing.

While my soul is bathing like this, I must think again about the singles who don't know how to support the roof that threatens to fall on their head. The memory of times when even I didn't know what to do with myself rises in me. At one point in my life I had lost myself in my life. At that point I did not know myself anymore. Maybe it is similar for many other people and the lockdown because of Corona now reveals this fact.

I remember a book in which my situation from that time was described quite well. I decide to pick up this book later. With that I put this thought aside for now and turn back to my work.

Now I want to devote myself to my work here in the garden with the due attention. Mindfulness, a catchword of the last few years, seems to have fallen behind completely during the Corona crisis.

Yet mindfulness is exactly what should prevent the spread of this virus. Because we are mindful of all those at risk, we live with the initial restrictions. Another schizophrenia of the times. Enough of these thoughts! Focus on the here and now.

With this I get rid of that thought for now, grab a rake and rake a raised bed. I rake beds for potatoes, carrots, leeks, zucchini, pumpkin and more. How great will the joy be when these garden-fresh vegetables can be eaten.

Nature is already great and gives you tasteful gifts for work done. With this thought in mind, I go to work fresh and I am happy inside to be able to think so positively. At the same time hunger slowly spreads within me. After a while of quiet work, I welcome the suggestion of my roommate to take a break for a meal.

Strengthened by good food and distracted by a refreshing conversation, I retire to my living room while my roommate takes a nap. My cat greets me with a joyful meow and asks for a few strokes.

The caressing is also good for me. I cannot say why, but there is something soothing about it, as if I am stroking my own soul. Maybe it is because of the purring or just because of the physical contact. This feeling can only be understood by those who have experienced it themselves. How this works will probably always remain the secret of the cats.

After my cat has decided that she has received enough stroking, she turns around and curls up for a nap. This gives me the opportunity to look for the book in which I wanted to read something.

I find the book quickly and could read directly on the first text page: "For too long I've been thinking, life could be so wonderful if..." Yeah, if it was just like this or if it wasn't like that. So many things seemed to be missing, while others were there, although they should not be there. I struggled with my living conditions almost every day."

Doesn't this describe what many are feeling right now in the Corona crisis? When the sun is shining and no one is allowed to go out and enjoy it with friends or family, doesn't the thought "Life could be so beautiful if Corona didn't exist" come to mind?

I think about how natural many things are. So many things in my life usually seem so natural. I suddenly become aware of the natural self-evidence of many things. The freedom to visit family, friends and acquaintances, the liberty to visit parents in an old people's home, the freedom to go to a restaurant or just browse in any shop, the liberty to travel to foreign countries, the freedom to embrace people who are precious to you when you meet them - all this is not a matter of course!

And why? Because it is obviously natural to protect your fellow men, to stand up for them, to help them! All people restrict their lives, because the virus that brings illness and death should not destroy too many lives.

The virus seems to cry out: "Look here, you are vulnerable! In your arrogance you have believed that you are invulnerable and your 'higher and higher - faster and faster - better and better' is just going on and on. But this is a mistake. I am small and invisible, and yet I am putting a spoke in your wheel - I alone!"

But people do not freeze, they do not remain in powerless helplessness. They stand together, they stay at home in emotional togetherness. This shows what we can build on!

The naturalness with which people accept the initial restrictions fills me with joy. This joy spreads within me like a warm wave and gives me peace.

Involuntarily I must think of the blessing at the end of a service. I rarely go to church, usually only at Christmas. But whenever I do go to church, I look forward to the blessing at the end and wait anxiously until the pastor says: "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his face upon you and give you peace" (4. Moses 6:24)

I admit I do not believe in God or the "Lord" who is supposed to spread his blessing upon me and protect me with this saying. But I do believe in life and I also believe in people or the so-called "good" in people. I do not give up hope that this good exists, even if I am disappointed often enough.

The current Corona crisis, which despite all the negative side effects also blooms positivity, thus strengthening my this belief. Quietly I say my psalm of this Corona time: "May the strength of the human race bless you and keep you safe; the goodness of humanity let its face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the goodness of humanity lift its face upon you and give you peace!”

Much of what is otherwise taken for granted is currently not taken for granted. But I am grateful that it is otherwise taken for granted.

All struggling thoughts are driven away by this gratitude. For this I find in the book: