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- Herausgeber: Simona Ruffini
- Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017
WITH INTERACTIVE LINKS TO CONTENT, VIDEO, PODCAST AND ARTICLES!
The first manual that won't change you into another person, but it will teach you how to be You.
Welcome to you, who managed to get here If you, just like many others, have always felt wrong, inevitably but inexorably kept comparing yourself to other Women, are tired of the self-help manuals who want to turn you into someone you are not, well then this is the right place for you.
Just so you know, you are not alone. And most of all, what happens to you is normal.
The message I want to convey to you through these pages is that you are just fine. I am not saying you are perfect and that you don’t need to keep bettering yourself.
I am saying that the first step to become what you are destined to be is to be exactly who you already are. So why this book, you may be asking?
And why has this book been written by a criminologist, who takes on many cases of abuse towards women?
What do spiritual evolution, self-love, the Light, and abuse on women have in common? I can explain with a simple example. You are looking for a job. You know how much you are worth, what it is that you are looking for, and you know exactly how much money you should be paid.
At your job interview, they offer you a dissatisfactory job, way below your capabilities and aspirations, and not properly compensated at all. You stand up, thank them, and walk away.
What does this example mean? Well, take this instance and place it into a personal relationship. What would happen if, instead of your boss, that man was a significant other or a boyfriend? Would you settle to spend the rest of your life with a man who does not satisfy you, who does not appreciate you, who does not support you, but actually only tries to manipulate you and make you feel bad?
You are not happy with your weight but you are unable to lose it; You hate your job but think you can’t aspire to become anything better;
You have a dream but you think you “will never be able to fulfill it”; You wish you could move but have no idea of where to start. When a Woman doesn’t love herself, she only lives a half-life. A body she doesn’t like and doesn’t reflect who she is; A job that doesn’t satisfy her; A place where she doesn’t live the way she’d like to; Friends and relationships that don’t gratify her; An image of herself in which she feels lost. Every time you put something else or somebody else before yourself, you are at risk of losing yourself. I don’t want you to be selfish, but to love yourself, which is different.
This book stems from the “Project of Women of Light”, something I have dedicated many years of my life to and that I deeply love. With the Project of Women of Light,
I have helped many Women “find themselves before they get lost”! The world needs you.
Simona Ruffini is an Italian writer, author and criminologist, graduated in Psychology and specialized in Forensic Sciences. She is an internationally certified expert in the recognition of facial micro expressions. Among his successes is the reopening of the Pier Paolo Pasolini murder case. He created and manages several projects, including "Women of Light", dedicated to the spiritual and psychological evolution of women who no longer love each other or who are victims of violence. She created and conducted the radio show "On the Crime Scene", and was scientific consultant for the TV program "Blood of Your Blood". His works and books are visible on his website simonaruffini.it.
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Simona Ruffini
Indice dei contenuti
WELCOME TO YOU, WHO MANAGED TO GET HERE
So why this book, you may be asking?
When a Woman doesn’t love herself, she only lives a half-life
How to use free interactive links
General links to consult whenever you want
Where was this book born?
And that’s when Your believes come into play
How can we find our way back?
The first book that does not want to change you into somebody else, because it believes in two main points
WHO OR WHAT THE FAIRY IS
The revolution of going back to being Yourself
How to use this book
PART 1 - WHEN THE FAIRY TALKS AND THE WOMAN ANSWERS
What story did you tell yourself?
The woman answers
If there’s one thing you should know (and you should tell all the men in your life) is: the Fairy does not exist
PART 2 - THE FAIRY’S WEAK POINT
The weak point of the Fairy is, simply, another Fairy
What women who love themselves have to say
But then, where did the fairy come from?
It’s the automatic-thought alarm!
Do you remember when you began comparing yourself to others?
The rite of passage to the grown-up age
PART 3 - THE WOMAN BETWEEN MISSED INITITATION RITUALS
Your Fairy has only a few days left
PART 4 - THE FAIRY IN ACTION
The world needs you
Housework and the Fairy
The Fairy has taken over you!
Let’s play “The rules of the perfect housewife”…
House chores and the Woman
The Twilight Zone
Let’s play… “The rules of the perfect worker”
PART 5 - SEX AND THE FAIRY
Situation 1: the inhibited one
Situation 2: the exaggerated one
Situation 3: the woman who believes in the power of telepathy
But I had to tell you something important, remember?
KICK OUT THE FAIRY IN YOU
AND
LET THE WOMAN OUT
by Simona Ruffini
(Translated by Valeria D'Ellena)
The first manual that won’t change you into another person,
but it will teach you how to be You.
With interactive links!
© Simona Ruffini - November 2014
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronical or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.
WELCOME TO YOU, WHO MANAGED TO GET HERE
It is an immense joy for me to welcome you with this first free book from the 'Women of Light' series.
The books are interactive. This means that you will often find free links to podcasts, videos and articles. But I'll explain this to you shortly.
I want to say thank you very much for reading it right now.
There is a kind of magic bridge that is connecting us right now, you who read and me who wrote.
So thanks again for the trust you are giving me.
This small manual has already been translated into several languages and continues to be distributed all over the world.
There is no greater satisfaction for me to know that there are women scattered on every continent who maybe right now, like you, are reading these lines.
I go straight to the point and ask you some questions.
If you, just like many others, have always felt wrong, inevitably but inexorably kept comparing yourself to other Women, are tired of the self-help manuals who want to turn you into someone you are not, well then this is the right place for you.
Just so you know, you are not alone.
And most of all, what happens to you is normal.
The message I want to convey to you through these pages is that you are just fine.
I am not saying you are perfect and that you don’t need to keep bettering yourself.
I am saying that the first step to become what you are destined to be is to be exactly who you already are.
The first, and most important, lesson in female evolution is to accept who you are.
I know it may seem difficult, or even impossible, but you can do it.
I can tell you because I have gone through it myself.
So why this book, you may be asking?
And why has this book been written by a criminologist, who takes on many cases of abuse towards women?
What do spiritual evolution, self-love, the Light, and abuse on women have in common?
I can explain with a simple example.
You are looking for a job.
You know how much you are worth, what it is that you are looking for, and you know exactly how much money you should be paid.
At your job interview, they offer you a dissatisfactory job, way below your capabilities and aspirations, and not properly compensated at all.
You stand up, thank them, and walk away.
That’s exactly what happens to a Woman who knows what she’s worth and isn’t afraid to show it.
And most of all, she doesn’t settle for something lower than what she expects.
It may also be that that job seems quite attractive to you.
So you start giving it your all, only to find out that everything you were promised was nothing but a lie.
Your salary is minimum, the work hours keep getting longer, your dissatisfaction keeps rising, and whenever you try to explain your feelings to your boss, you are met with disdain and indifference, all topped with a disgusting remark of, “You are so unappreciative! After all I do for you!”.
At this point, your choice is imminent.
You get up, without thanking anybody, and walk away (making sure to sue him).
What does this example mean?
Well, take this instance and place it into a personal relationship.
What would happen if, instead of your boss, that man was a significant other or a boyfriend?
Would you settle to spend the rest of your life with a man who does not satisfy you, who does not appreciate you, who does not support you, but actually only tries to manipulate you and make you feel bad?
And what if the same man tried to be violent towards you, at first only with words, then psychologically and then physically?
How many Women settle for less and stay in an abusive relationship?
It’s not necessary to list any other example to show you what I mean when I talk about women with no self-love.
You are not happy with your weight but you are unable to lose it;
You hate your job but think you can’t aspire to become anything better;
You have a dream but you think you “will never be able to fulfill it”;
You wish you could move but have no idea of where to start.
The list could go on and on forever, but I think you get the picture now.
When a Woman doesn’t love herself, she only lives a half-life
Her “not-love” mirrors into all of her choices.
A body she doesn’t like and doesn’t reflect who she is;
A job that doesn’t satisfy her;
A place where she doesn’t live the way she’d like to;
Friends and relationships that don’t gratify her;
An image of herself in which she feels lost.
Every time you put something else or somebody else before yourself, you are at risk of losing yourself.
I don’t want you to be selfish, but to love yourself, which is different.
I have met so many Women who wish they were different from who they are, and I have finally understood where this feeling comes from:
It all begins when we stop loving and caring for ourselves.
I see it in your eyes.
That’s why I have begun working with Women on the “before”.
Before they lose themselves, before they start to hate themselves, before they stop dreaming and before they place their lives into the hands of somebody who does not love them.
And that’s why I have written this book.
How to use free interactive links
Here we come to a novelty that I love so much!
The 'Women of Light' project is constantly evolving. This means that every day I write an article, or I make a video, or I record a podcast.
I couldn't repost the book every time I add something, right?
That's why I thought of walking with you giving you in this book, and in the other books of the series, always updated tools.
Use this book like this:
The symbol represents both the videos, the podacasts, and the articles and posts of the site.
There are two categories of links.
The first is general: this is the link to the playlist of the podcasts and videos (which you can also consult later to listen to the podcasts and videos that I will record in the future); this is the link to the site page where you can find all the articles (which you can also consult later to read the new posts that I will write in the future).
The second is specific, and concerns a post, a video or a podcast that I offer you for a particular thing we are talking about. Not a general list but a single study.
In addition to the symbol, I will also make the words and phrases you can click 'linkable'.
This way I'm sure you won't lose anything!
That said, let's start the journey to discover ourselves.
General links to consult whenever you want
On the site you can find the possibility to translate the contents into your language
The first takes you to the SITE (click on the word SITE or follow this direct link
https://donnediluce.altervista.org/).
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
Here you will find everything, articles, videos and researches. You can subscribe to the site and write your comments. You can go there whenever you want to discover all the new material that I put in it and follow my activities. The site is already translated into your language. If not, select your language from the menu.
The second link takes you to the Youtube channel and to the free PODCAST to change negative beliefs and unlock automatic thoughts by playing (click on the word PODCAST or follow this direct link
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLq-MfjX_ZM4Dtt2vuhinpVZzzJx_dtzG4).
Here you find the audios that I record to work on our negative beliefs. Subscribe to the YT channel and often visit the link to listen to the podcasts I will record in the future. The audios are in Italian. Activate subtitles in your language, they are already translated.
At this link, instead, you can find videos that I shot to combat any form of FEMALE MISTREATMENT (click on the word MISTREATMENT or follow this direct link https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLq-MfjX_ZM4CPHqY3gT__UHOVKhEPvV_0).
Here you will find videos of various subjects, all dedicated to eradicating ideas and stereotypes from society that somehow incite violence and to consider women as objects. Leave your comments, I will be happy. Visit the link often to watch the videos I will shoot in the future. The audios are in Italian. Activate subtitles in your language, they are already translated.
At this link you can find INTERVIEWS that I made to extraordinary women, listen to them and enter the world of Women of Light too (click on the word INTERVIEWS or follow this direct link
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLq-MfjX_ZM4DXyCcyM-7frzf7l0k0wCkX).
Visit the link often to listen to the interviews that I will do in the future. The audios are in Italian. Activate subtiles in your language, they are already translated.
At the end of the book I will ask you something special.
Where was this book born?
This book stems from the Project 'Women of Light', something I have dedicated many years of my life to and that I deeply love.
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
With the Project of Women of Light, I have helped many Women “find themselves before they get lost”!
I remind them of how special they are, that they are divine creatures, and they are irreplaceable.
I give them everything I have learned throughout my journey and that can help them through their own journey, the most important one: the journey that will take them back home.
This way, they will not hate themselves, they will not cry on themselves, they will not settle for less, they will not complain, they will not lose their dreams and hopes, they will not fall for hate (which comes from within or from any other outside source), and they will not fall prey to violence.
Why and how do Women get lost?
It happens every time you find yourself at a crossroad.
It might be a moment of depression due to a recent loss or disappointment; it might be a failed situation, which you fault yourself for; it might be a wrong example given to you by another Woman in your life.
Often, it might also stem from the fact that you have grown up in a society that fills our lives with stereotypes of how and what a Woman should be, what she should or should not do.
Every time you find yourself at a crossroad and do not choose to be yourself, you keep on moving farther and farther away from your main path.
What does it mean choosing the wrong path?
It means feeling guilty of having failed.
It means you have taken on all the responsibility of things that have gone wrong.
A failed class can easily turn into a real catastrophe if you live in a household where your grades matter more than your ambitions.
A failed love affair can turn into a tragedy if you feel inadequate, wrong, ugly, and not-worthy only because a man doesn’t love you.
Instead of thinking there’s plenty of fish in the sea, plenty of job opportunities and feeling attracted by a person who shares your feelings, you seem to constantly float towards “predictable pain”.
And that’s when Your believes come into play
“I’m not enough, I’m fatter and uglier than all the other women out there, I am worthless...”.
This way, every time you give into these thoughts, you create invisible but powerful connections among neurons in your brain.
And that’s why, whenever you find yourself in a situation where you have to place the fault on somebody (the fore-mentioned crossroad), it will come natural to you to place all the blame on yourself.
READ HERE WHAT NEGATIVE BELIEFS ARE
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
So why don’t we try to prevent you from getting there?
After all, preventing is a much better option than curing.
If you “stop getting used to” feelings of guilt and judgment, you will slowly stop giving yourself all the blame.
If you “start getting used to” feelings of self-worth, you will become immune to these dangerous situations.
Think of it as a vaccine!
Try taking a daily dose of Vitamin L (L stands for Love), and you will soon find out just how much you can do with your life!
Things will keep getting better, You will keep feeling better about yourself, and you will surely stop being a magnet for bad people and wrong situations.
And this can all be achieved with self-love.
How can we find our way back?
If you are ready, let me explain what I have learned so far.
Here, I will show you the first and most important steps to take in order for you to get started on your Journey.
This Journey is very special because it’s the path that will take you back to Yourself.
It’s a path that you have probably already tried to take many times in your life.
Maybe you started it when pushed by enthusiasm.
A new diet, a new love, a new job, a new city.
Everything seemed to be working just fine.
But then, at some point, something went wrong.
Old habits, paired with usual and automatic mechanisms, came back only to pull you back into your old self.
You began to lower your chin a bit more every day after each failure.
And now, here you are.
Only you know how much this hurts.
Only you can read what’s written in your eyes when you look at yourself in the mirror.
Maybe you have already read too many “self-help” books; maybe you have taken classes that begin with titles like,
“How to...”
Yes, indeed... how to... do what?
What should you do?
“How to lose weight...”
“How to find Mr. Right....”
“How to change your life forever in one month....”
And how should do you that?
After I graduated with my degree in Psychology, I chose a very specific specialization for my Master’s.
Forensic psychology, criminology, juridical psychology, forensic science.
For years, I have studied, researched on, and worked with abused women.
And do you know what I’ve learned?
I’ve learned that way before each and every one of those Women ended up in an abusive relationship, they had gotten lost on their own.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against any class or course that leads to self-improvement.
Rather, I myself have taken quite a few of these classes and seminars on the power of Women, on the power of positive thinking, on the power of self-love, on female archetypes, and on quantum physics applied to personal beliefs.
However, my goal is different.
To you, it may even seem to be the opposite of what you have been offered so far.
But, if everything that you have tried so far has not worked out, then maybe it’s time to change path.
My point is that every Woman can lose her path.
And the only way to find your way back, is to look for it.
What’s the point of having a manual that explains how to get a man if the person who is teaching it has no clue of who you are and what type of man you are looking for?
What’s the point of a class that teaches you how to get your sexual spark back if the person teaching it has no idea of your beliefs, your inhibitions, and has no clue of whether or not you have a soft, sweet, and welcoming nature?
So, what’s the point in following advices that only try to get us to fit in the mold?
I don’t need anybody telling me how to fit into some type of Woman stereotype that does not exist.
I need somebody who reminds me that I am special!
And you?
BEGIN TO REMEMBER IT WITH THIS PODCAST
(ACTIVATE SUBTITLES IN YOUR LANGUAGE)
I can’t stand reading any more manuals that tell me how to be something I am not.
In my opinion, they are not good, and here’s why.
A Woman who does not love herself, already starts from a very weak point:
I miss this, I don’t have that, I am not able to, I am not worthy of, I am not beautiful, I am not thin, tall, loose, intelligent, funny, attractive.
Then this Woman runs into a manual (or a class) that promises to teach her how to become beautiful, thin, tall, loose, intelligent, funny, and attractive.
Great.
But what does this manual imply?
It implies that You lack these attributes, and that the manual can tell you how and where to get them.
And most importantly, and that’s where the horror comes in, it implies that You want to be all those things!
But it’s the world who wants you this way, so you can finally fit into the stereotype of how a woman should be.
But who ever said that a Woman, in order to be efficient, has to be the CEO of some multinational company and dress in a gray skirt suite?
And what if You instead, to be truly happy, wanted to take care of your house?
Does this mean that you are worth less than the gray suite-wearing CEO?
And who ever said that in order for you to be a Woman, you have to have a certain type of sex life?
What if you love cuddles and caresses? Would that make you less feminine?
And who ever said that “cool” jobs can only be found in the big city?
What if your dream was to become a farmer? Would that make you less of a Woman?
The epitome of craziness, in my opinion, is the manual “How to get a man”!
I believe that the way to get a man is as diverse as all the men and women in the world.
What works for one, won’t work for another.
And most importantly, it won’t work for You.
I mean, is there a standard way of how to get a man?
And if so, does that standard apply to You?
I want to highlight these things or else you know what happens?
What happens is that the Woman starts believing in the manual.
And the manual doesn’t work.
The manual cannot work simply because it’s not right to push a Woman to be the copy of some mythological image with loose morals, the body of a goddess, the patience of a saint, and work efficiency of a cyborg.
Can you imagine if this woman actually existed?
READ HERE TO FIND OUT HOW IT IS MADE
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
So, in your opinion, what happens at this point?
Exactly.
What happens is that the Woman feels, for the millionth time, inadequate.
“I can’t become who I wish I could be, not even with a manual!”.
And to all that, I say STOP!
That’s why I have written this book.
The first book that does not want to change you into somebody else, because it believes in two main points
First, in order for you to be happy, just be who you are;
Second, all you need to be in order to be happy is already inside of you!
If you manage to accept Your nature (and not anybody else’s), you will find all the resources you need to transform Your life.
Remember your dreams, everything you wanted to accomplish in life when you still believed that everything was possible and that everything can happen as long as you believe in it with all your heart. Learn how to love your wonderful body, which is an endless resource of pleasure, if you learn how to listen to it.
Have you ever thought that the man you are looking for is the one that satisfies You, instead of always feeling guilty and believing that is always You the one who has to change?
If you enjoy deep conversations, then why did you end up with a man who never talks?
And also, why did you allow him to make you believe that you are just a chatty Kathy, when truly, all you ever wanted was to be with a man who loves conversing as much as you do?
If you love cuddles, then why did you get with a man who wants you to be in lingerie all day and be ready to satisfy and please him whenever he tells you to?
And why did you let him convince you that it’s You who’s wrong and needs to change, instead of placing the blame on him for being incapable of satisfying you?
So when are you going to stop blaming yourself for everything and start finally looking for what makes You happy?
You can do whatever it is that you put your mind to!
In this book, I am not going to teach how to become a sex goddess (whatever that means).
In this book, I will help you pull out YOUR own sexuality and to make you understand that that’s OK.
No more self-judging and self-loathing.
ABOUT LOVE AND ROMANTICISM ... LISTEN HERE!
(ACTIVATE SUBTITLES IN YOUR LANGUAGE)
I am not going to teach you how to become a gray suite-wearing CEO just because it’s the “in” job to have these days.
Rather, I will help you understand why you feel you lack something simply because you do not want to become that CEO.
I will show you that everything you truly want is already inside of You.
You just need to let it out, with love.
I am not going to teach you how to lose 20 pounds by using positive thinking; rather, I will help you understand what negative thoughts are and how you keep on feeding them to your inner-self.
Only by focusing on those things, you will learn how to love your body, and your inner balance will reflect in your curves.
Let’s defeat those horrible monsters called stereotype, judgment, guilt, inadequateness, comparison, automatic thoughts, and beliefs.
Let’s replace them with love, self-acceptance, constructive behavior, assertiveness, imagination, and trust.
That’s how we get you ready to get back to Yourself.
Let’s look at it this way.
You have been waiting for someone special for years.
You can’t wait till she’s here.
You’ve been dreaming about her your whole life, and you know that You will only be happy once she’s arrived.
But this person has very specific requests, and until they are met, she is not going to show up.
So what do you do?
Are you going to force her to come back to you, even though she won’t feel comfortable?
Or will you try to change her to force her to like her new environment?
No!
What you do is you build a comfortable environment that mirrors her tastes, and then you call her and say, “Hey! Everything’s ready here. You can come back home now!”.
That special person you’ve been waiting for is You, and we are preparing everything to make you come back home.
START IMAGING THAT SPECIAL PERSON READING HERE
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
I hope this book will become a friend for you.
I want you to know that this is not a fake manual that keeps on postponing the real message without ever truly delivering it to you.
This book is the result of months of hard work, a labor of love done keeping You in mind, because I know you want to go back to feeling happy and in peace with yourself (which is the only healthy place you can ever begin a journey from).
I have always created tools for us Women to use.
If you wish, you can subscribe to my website https://donnediluce.altervista.org/ to read more about what I do to remind Women of our worth.
There, you will find useful tools to keep on enjoying this wonderful adventure we call Life.
You can use this book, which is rich in exercises for you to use that will help you understand many things.
If you are now ready to begin, take a moment to let all that you have read so far sink in.
If you need to, go back to previous pages and read them all over again.
We are about to start talking about a lot of things.
For example, you will learn who the Fairy is and how to recognize the one who lives inside of you; you will learn how to kick her out the door, and let the Woman out; you will also learn which exercises that you find in this book are the ones you need to start applying immediately.
For now, I want to give you a big hug and remind you that you are special.
So special, in fact, that you will find yourself asking how could you have lived for so long without Yourself.
Thank you for being here.
WHO OR WHAT THE FAIRY IS
Within our Womanly nature hides a subtle and mythological image
It’s called mythological because that’s all it is.... a myth.
Subtle because it’s so rooted in you that that’s how You have to be, that you actually end up believing it.
Who am I talking about?
But the Fairy, of course....
Let me clarify what I mean. I’ve learned something: inside of us lives a Fairy It’s the stereotypes and external factors that have influenced you since you were born. Actually, it’s safe to say that they were there even before you were born.
Oh yes, because your mother, your grandmother, and all the women in your family were influenced by the beliefs on what a Woman should be (some more than others, depending on what era they lived in).
The Woman, however, is such an extraordinary being that it’s impossible to describe her by using only one word. We are so much more than the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine.
Let me ask you a question.
Which Women, who have lived through history, can you think of? Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale, Amelia Earhart, and many more? Good. So what was so extraordinary about these Women?
Well, for starters, they were ahead of their times, which they managed to actually change.
They were burned alive, emarginated, accused of witchcraft, and stalked.
At best, they were considered strange, weird, manly, crazy, or even saints on earth, but at what cost?! And yet, they all managed to do one thing, something You can do as well.
They all managed to kick out the Fairy in them, and let their true selfhood shine.
What would the world be if the Maid of Orleans had succumbed to the intimidations of the Church?
What would the world be if a nun dressed in white and blue had preferred to get married in order to fulfill her pre-defined role of wife and mother, instead of dedicating her life to the sickly and needy?
Do not you believe it?
LISTEN HERE
(ACTIVATE SUBTITLES IN YOUR LANGUAGE)
The revolution of going back to being Yourself
Small miracles can happen when we allow ourselves to simply be us.
The first miracle is that we accept ourselves, we fully love ourselves for who we are and we forgive ourselves for all the wrongs we think we did.
This way, we are ready for the next step, which is the evolution.
Evolution means to be able to fully express ourselves, in every aspect of our lives: through our work, our health, our family, our sexuality, our dreams, our relationship with others, and our beauty.
This is called Personal Legend, and we have tools to achieve all of that.
I am not going to sugarcoat it: this can be a difficult and insidious journey. However, the most exciting thing is that you have to go nowhere to take it!
The journey is within you, and only if you truly believe it, it will lead you to the most wonderful place you have ever been to: You.
On this journey, we will laugh, we will be surprised, we will learn and teach (because each one of us, and You especially, are indispensable to the world), we will believe and sometimes we will lose hope, we will think and question.
At times we will be too tired, so we will rest.
Then, we will start again.
I will teach you everything I have studied, learned, and proved.
There is no theory in these pages, nothing that I have made up, or taken from another source.
These are all proven facts.
It is not a matter of giving you a diagnosis and then suggest a therapy.
I will tell you about how to modify Automatic Negative Thoughts and substitute them with Conscious and Evaluative ones.
I will recommend practical exercises to snap you out of Your mind, and I will tell you about all the tools that I have developed for us Women.
Basically, we will travel together.
How to use this book
When you find this nice button,
It means you can immediately test what I am telling you.
As for this symbol,
It means I am giving you the key to unlock an automatic thought, turning it into a non-conditioned one.
When you see this image (Once Upon a Time),
It means I am about to tell you a personal anecdote to show you that we are in this together, and to prove to you that it is possible to make fun of one’s mental blocks.
I want to thank you for being here and giving me the opportunity to gift you this book.
In this book, which has been a labor of love and hard work, we will talk about the Fairies.
No, I am not referring to the wonderful woodland creatures that live in our childhood imagination (at least not in this book).
I have chosen to use this term to identify an image of a Woman who is imposed on to us, but that cannot exist, and that keeps on making us feel wrong, no matter what we do.
I will explain to you who the Fairy is and I will show you how she behaves in Your daily life.
I will give you concrete tools you can use in every aspect of Your life, tools that you can improve on by looking up other sources on my website.
Without further ado, let’s begin on this journey, shall we?
I won’t ask you to start a journey without knowing what our final destination is.
So remain comfortable and read this book as an adventure novel.
I am about to tell you a story, a true story.
By the end of the book, the Story and the Journey will turn out to be Yours.
PART 1 - WHEN THE FAIRY TALKS AND THE WOMAN ANSWERS
My name is Simona. I am a beautiful 30-year-old and I’m 5”4’. I have gorgeous black hair and attractive green eyes, a sculpted and toned body, and I obviously am the “Queen of the House”. I am a perfect chef, as well as a woman with a high-powered career. I am also a Sex Goddess.
As if that wasn’t enough, I do belly dancing and I play the flute like an angel.
OK, so I think you get the picture now.
It was the Fairy who was talking.
I hope you didn’t actually believe one word, did you?
Or maybe you did, because after all, I’ve told myself this story so many times throughout the years, that I actually ended up believing it unconsciously.
And the more I believed in it, the more I forced myself to think that I had to be this way.
And every time I failed to become this person, I felt like a loser.
My point is, the Fairy is insidious.
The Fairy focuses on all those aspects of your personality that could be true, if only you tried just a bit harder.
It always comes down to a few more inches, a few more pounds, a little bit more patience, and bit more resourcefulness.
Basically, what the Fairy is asking of you is something attainable!
She would never ask you to learn how to fly, because you couldn’t actually do that physically.
No, she always asks you to make one extra effort that you, however, can’t manage to do.
What story did you tell yourself?
Now you can start playing this little game.
How would you describe yourself if you let the Fairy that lives in you do the talking?
How do you believe you should be?
How do you push yourself to come across?
What do you think others expect You to be like?
Take a moment to think about it. Try to answer these questions, even write them down if it helps.
Once you are done, place this “Letter to Yourself” aside, and keep reading this book. By the end of this journey, you will look back at this letter and see if and how much you’ve changed.
Alright, keep reading now.
And now, try talking about Yourself the way You, the Woman, would do it.
Maybe I should do the talking first, to kind of break the ice a little bit. After all, you are not really sure who I truly am and why I think I know so much about You.
I will tell you about myself in the most honest and sincere way, without pretending to be somebody I am not.
It’s a pact of trust we make to each other.
The woman answers
My name is Simona. I am 39 years old (well, actually this was my age when I began writing this book; by the time I am done with it, I’ll be 40). I am 5”4’ tall... I mean, 5”3’... alright, I’m 5”2’... OK, OK, I am 5”1’!
I do have black hair, but only because I dye it. Originally, it was a warm and light brown. I chose to dye my hair because I like to change.
Well, actually this was true in high school, when I could still go back to my original hair color. Nowadays instead it’s a bit harder due to a few white hairs, here and there.
Well, actually not here and there. There’s a lot of white hair.
Well, not that much though.
OK, I dye it because it’s slowing becoming more and more white.
While I write this book, I have actually gone back to my original color, and I have also started using more natural hair products, the ones made from plants that are better for us and the environment.
My eyes are green and beautiful, and I love them.
If it wasn’t for those constant bags under my eyes, and the glasses I have to wear so I can actually see what I’m typing, I think I’d find myself a bit more attractive.
My body is actually in good shape.
It’s mostly thanks to the fact that I have done lots of sports throughout the years, and my curves are all still there looking pretty solid.
So I guess I like my body after all.
Although, there are moments when I look at myself in the mirror and I wish I could break it like the evil queen in Snow White;
Or when I try on clothes in a store and the associate tells me “Oh it looks great on you”, but her eyes are telling me a whole different story filled with compassion;
Or when I go to the beach at the beginning of summer and wear that bikini;
Or when I compare myself to all the other women in this world;
Or when I stubbornly try on jeans from my high school years and I can’t figure out why they won’t fit me anymore.
OK, I guess my relationship with my own body needs some work.
In my house, I have everything under control.
Or least I do while I sleep and dream.
Let’s just say that my house has its own life, meaning it’s now learning how to be self-sufficient and get clean on its own.
It’s not that I don’t like doing chores... I just don’t have the time.
I do like keeping my house tidy.
But I truly don’t have the time for it.
And even if I did have the time, I wouldn’t spend it all on cleaning the house.
And how about the kitchen?
Yes, I do know the kitchen. It’s that room right next to the living room... or is it the one next to the bathroom?
So, what was I saying about the kitchen?
Yes, I have all the utensils: pots and pans of various sizes, knives, vegetable peeler, cheese grater, and cutting board.
But I guess one thing is to have them and another thing is to know how to use them, huh?
Ah! I also have the rolling pin... did I spell that right?
So let’s just say that I am not a big kitchen fan.
As far as me being a woman with a high-powered career?
Well... maybe high-powered is too big of a word, although I do work a lot. I have lots of awards and recognitions.
But if you are thinking of me as Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl”, then you are way off.
Remember that movie?
The pretty manager who makes millions of dollars and marries Harrison Ford, all the while being in high heels and wearing perfect make-up and hair.
I guess a true image of me at work would be something like this...
Me and Sex.
Well, what to say about that? I have so many fantasies in my head that we would need a whole other book for them.
And that’s the point. They are only in my head!
It’s just that I’m shy.
I need somebody to get me in the mood.
Then I am willing to experiment, try, play.
Well, actually I don’t know if I’d go there.
And I shouldn’t wait on somebody to get me in the mood.
I should be the one to take the initiative, if I’m in the mood. Or else, how can He know?
It’s all here, in my head.
I do take belly dancing classes.
Well, actually I did it for two months and then promised myself someday I’d go back.
I still have the outfit in my closet.
As for me playing the flute, let’s not get carried away.
I used to play it back in like 6th grade.
At the recital I even played Ave Maria by Schubert.
It truly sounded like I was torturing the black board though.
So, here I am.
She’s the Fairy, and I am Simona, the Woman.
Nice to meet you.
CLICK HERE TO KNOW ALL ABOUT ME
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
And then what happened?
I unmasked her.
The Fairy, that is.
I understood how she works, what my weak points are and especially what my strong points are.
I understood what my Gifts are, and that I should focus on them.
That’s how I learned how to love myself, how to place myself first (which is not to be confused with being selfish).
I know, I know. Something does not seem quite right.
You are thinking, but how can I do that?
Placing myself first?
Does that mean that I shouldn’t “give a darn” about others?
Are you sure?
Well, don’t you think you already blame yourself for way too many things?
Don’t you think you place yourself on the back burner in every occasion and situation?
In a world where self-love is often depicted as selfishness, how can you actually love yourself without feeling guilty about it?
The time has come to modify another Automatic Thought.
Why do the words “love yourself” immediately make us think of being selfish?
It’s OK to love others, but when it comes to loving ourselves, then that’s when problems begin.
Let’s start by saying that this is an assumption based on the belief that a Woman should always sacrifice herself.
But sacrificing makes you weaker. It makes you lose energy.
If you love yourself, however, you will give yourself what You need, and you will be able to fill Your Vase with so much love that you will then, and only then, be able to love somebody else.
How can you be a loving person if there is no love in you?
How can you be generous towards others if you have nothing left in You?
When did you begin to think of yourself as less worthy than other people?
Keep in mind that only if you love Yourself, you will be able to love others.
Look at it this way.
In order to be selfless, you need to be a bit ... selfish!
But at this point, who or what is the Fairy?
If there’s one thing you should know (and you should tell all the men in your life) is: the Fairy does not exist
Let’s all just make our peace with that, so that we can live a much better life.
It’s an invention, a stereotype, a made believe story created by pharmaceutical companies, by gyms, and by psychoanalysts.
Let’s be real, it can’t exist.
The main problem, however, is that we feel guilty if we can’t conform to those standards, right?
Let’s all be honest here.
It’s taken me 40 years to finally understand that the Real Simona and the Ideal one are two different things.
Very, very different.
Two separate worlds, two parallel universes.
One exists, and the other one doesn’t.
At some point, you finally understand that a woman who stays out for 12 hours a day with full and perfect make-up on just can’t exist.
A woman who doesn’t smell bad, whose mascara doesn’t run, whose hair doesn’t get all messy.
A woman whose feet don’t get swollen from all the high-heel shoes she wears every single day.
A woman whose house is always perfectly clean, fresh smelling, with a pot roast in the oven, chilled wine and a warm dessert (which she made at 5 A.M.).
Most of all, a woman can’t be sexy every single night, ready to satisfy all of her man’s deepest and hottest fantasies, especially since she’s worked for 12 hours out of the house in those conditions.
The point is that, even though You know this on a rational level, we are all slaves of this stereotype.
Isn’t it the truth that if we are not the person I have just described above, we feel bad?
Well, maybe we can find a way out.
A first step to take.
A certainty.
Maybe even your Fairy has a weak point, something we can aim at.
I know, I know. You want to know which one it is.
Don’t be impatient.
We have already said a lot so far.
It takes time.
First, take all I’ve said and make it yours.
And then, we can move on.
PART 2 - THE FAIRY’S WEAK POINT
What were we talking about?
Oh yes, we were saying that there is a way for us all to be freed from the slavery of the stereotype, which makes us believe that in order to be real Women we have to be like the Fairy.
How?
Think of it like a game of domino: once you knock down the first tile, all the others will follow.
Even the Fairy has a weak point, which we can aim at.
Just like what happened with the 3 caravels of Christopher Columbus.
You don't know what I'm talking about?
LISTEN HERE
(ACTIVATE SUBTITLES IN YOUR LANGUAGE)
The weak point of the Fairy is, simply, another Fairy
Let me explain.
Have you ever heard of Claudia Schiffer? The fairest of them all, to be precise.
A long time ago, I read an interview that she released.
She candidly admitted that “I suffer because I don’t like my feet…”.
Let me go on.
Claudia hates her feet.
And that’s when I discovered what our way out could be.
I realized that a Fairy can be defeated merely because every Woman will always compare herself to every other Woman, only to come out of it defeated.
If Claudia Schiffer doesn’t like herself (granted, she only mentioned her dislike for her feet), it means that even on Mount Olympus those stereotypes rule all.
It’s kind of like if Venus was sad because she has split ends, right?
So, curious like George (the monkey), I started doing my research.
And here’s what I found out:
Jennifer Aniston doesn’t like her butt;
Angelina Jolie doesn’t like her lips;
Uma Thurman thinks her legs are too long;
Jennifer Love Hewitt thinks she’s too curvy;
Keira Knightley believes she’s too thin;
Jessica Alba says she has cellulite;
Adriana Lima doesn’t know how to fix her hair;
Cameron Diaz wishes she had bigger breasts;
Sabrina Ferilli wishes she had smaller breasts.
Basically, the message is clear.
There is no woman, and I mean NO woman, who is happy with her body.
On one side, being unhappy with a part of us pushes us to work towards bettering it; on the other, however, it can become a real pain that makes us feel inadequate.
So I’ve started to ask myself if, aside from Fairies, Women also existed.
Women who love themselves, Women we can look up to, Women who are unique because nobody is like them, and they have never tried to be anybody else but themselves.
What women who love themselves have to say
“Please don’t cover up my wrinkles; it’s taken me a lifetime to finally have them” - Anna Magnani
“I have always loved life. The person who loves life can never adjust, suffer, or be tamed” - Oriana Fallaci
“Love life as it is, love it fully, without expectations. Love it when you are loved and when you are hated. Love it when you are misunderstood, or when everybody gets you. Love it when everybody abandons you, or when they cheer you on like a king. Love it when they steal everything from you, or when they give you gifts. Love it when it makes sense, or when it doesn’t. Love it when you are happy, or when you are lonely. Love it when you are strong, or when you are weak. Love it when you are afraid, or when you have the courage to climb a mountain. Love it not only for the great pleasures and the many satisfactions; love it also for the smallest joys. Love it even when it doesn’t give you what you’ve asked for, love it also when it’s not how you have ever imagined it would be. Love it every time you are born and every time you are about to die. But don’t ever love without love. Don’t ever live without life.” - Mother Teresa.
But then, where did the fairy come from?
Why do some of Us manage to become who they want to be, while others become stuck within the boundaries of what they believe they have to be?
As a 5-year-old, I don’t remember suffering from feeling so out of place, do you?
As a 5-year-old, all I cared about was playing and dreaming.
As a 5-year-old, the world was my enchanted forest and I had magical powers!
YOU ALSO HAD IT, READ HERE TO REMEMBER IT
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
When did we lose this power?
When did we lose such magic?
I clearly remember something that happened when I was 10.
I had gone camping, and a little boy came up to me and asked me if we could “become a thing”.
I don’t think I fully understood what he meant, so I told him “If you don’t leave now, I’m gonna throw a stone at you”.
I admit that maybe I was a bit cold, but the point was that I had no interest of becoming a thing with him, and I wasn’t afraid of letting him know.
I was so confident that I never looked back on my decision that day, literally.
In fact, I walked away.
I didn’t start thinking things like, “I’ll be alone for the rest of my life”;
I didn’t torture myself over the fact that “Maybe I don’t match up to contemporary feminine stereotypes” (also because, when I was 10 years old, I don’t think I knew the meaning of stereotypes);
I didn’t compare myself to other little girls.
So what happened?
What happened is that at some point during the course of our lives, we lose our self-confidence.
We get to a point where we are so worried about other people liking us that we slowly, but surely, lose our sense of self.
We stop listening to that 10-year-old girl who is pulling on our skirt and says, “Hey! I’m here! It’s me! Remember?”
That girl reminds us of how we feel in every situation, and always knows how to differentiate between right and wrong.
That little girl wishes she could lead us through the Enchanted Forest of our Life.
But we shush her, because we are too busy listening to everybody else, but Her.
And we do this because we feel scared and guilty, and that’s how we lose trust in ourselves.
Do you have a childhood memory where you were able to not care about what grown-ups told you, and still ended up doing what you wanted to do?
Can you remember how you felt?
Do you remember the time when the most important thing for you to do was what felt right to you?
Go back to those memories and try to relive how good and safe those thoughts made you feel.
And now, pay attention to what happens!
It’s the automatic-thought alarm!
Which is more than likely going off now inside of you.
It’s important that we take a moment to understand what this is.
If whenever I tell you to love Yourself and to do what you think is right for You, you feel guilty and this alarm goes off, the right thing to do is block it right away.
Let’s stop this automatic-thought alarm.
Thinking about what you need, and actually trying to get it, are two different things.
Who’s to say you will end up behaving exactly as you thought you would?
It’s obvious that the moment you choose to apply to reality what you have been thinking about, you do so by adapting to the environment and the people who surround you.
But what’s more important is that, while you do that, you still keep in touch with Yourself.
If you are taking care of something you actually care about, and then somebody interrupts you by asking you to do something else, it will bring you honor if you give in to the request.
However, it’s important that you make time to go back to whatever it was you were doing, because you cared about it.
You can’t always give up on everything you care about.
And please pay attention to this: how do You feel when you are doing something you care about?
It’s more important to focus on this question, than anything else.
You should always ask yourself how you feel when you do something for You.
This way, that guilty feeling will slowly go away. Let’s go on.
But first I want to explain better what it means not being able to stop thinking about something.
LISTEN HERE
(ACTIVATE SUBTITLES IN YOUR LANGUAGE)
Do you remember when you began comparing yourself to others?
Do you remember when it became hard for you to make decisions?
Do you remember when you lost your magic and stopped listening to that little girl inside of you who kept pulling on your skirt, trying to remind you of what you actually needed?
Let’s see if I can help you by giving you an example…
Maybe it was the same way for you…
For me everything changed the summer after I went camping. I was 11 this time, and I had just got my “first period”.
I was still camping that year, when out of nowhere I started experiencing terrible pain in my lower abdomen.
I went to my mom, who immediately understood what was going on.
She had never told me anything about it; she never attempted to get me ready for this.
Maybe it was because she herself had never been told before it happened to her, and she didn’t know how to behave differently.
She helped with the practicality of the situation, and then she told me that I had just “become a woman”.
As an 11-year-old who was suffering from a horrible stomach pain, I felt quite perplex that that’s what the big fuss about being a woman was all about.
I truly believe, now, that Women miss out on something.
The rite of passage to the grown-up age
We miss somebody or something that can explain to us what it means to become Women.
We miss somebody who can remind us that being feminine is Sacred, Magical, and Unique.
I wish we could be like a Tribe, and that the Women in our life could initiate us into the mysteries of our Power.
I wish we were taught that each one of us is Special.
I wish we were told and shown how to never lose touch with ourselves.
I wish we were told that if somebody doesn’t love us, that we should never blame ourselves for it, or else we risk losing something much more important: Ourselves.
We don’t have any rites of passage, and when we have them, they are shown to us with shame.
We don’t have Women to look up to.
Don’t believe me?
Then listen to this…
PART 3 - THE WOMAN BETWEEN MISSED INITITATION RITUALS
AND IMPOSSIBLE STEREOTYPES
I decided to do some research to find out how, in the past, this rite of passage of every woman was viewed in different cultures.
I must admit that at first I felt taken aback a little.
In his “Historia Naturalis”, Pliny (who wasn’t too tactful) writes: “The contact with a menstruating woman will turn wine into vinegar (wow!), will kill the seeds (oh boy!), will destroy the gardens (man, you mean like Attila?!), will turn shiny mirrors into foggy and blurry reflections (just like the vampires?), will rust copper and iron (you don’t say!), will kill bees, will make horses abort, and so much more”.
I understand that while we have our period it’s kind of hard to talk to us, but come on, let’s not exaggerate by saying we destroy gardens.
Columella added his two cents on the topic.
In his “De re rustica”, he declares that in order to finally get rid of the caterpillar problem that Rome was experiencing at the time, all they had to do was bring a menstruating woman there. You know, kind of like a walking pesticide!
I think it’s safe to say that at that time, women were not really doing that well when it came to their rite of passage. Would you agree?
So it’s understandable that they would describe this important passage as a “misfortune” to their daughters.
And that’s exactly where the Fairy, nowadays, comes into play!
“During those days, I do paragliding, I jump through hoops, and wear tight dresses”, the Fairy would say.
Well, some of us can barely get out of bed those days, we retain water worse than a hippo, and we eat as many carbs as a truck driver after a Coast-to-Coast cross-country trip.
But that’s the beauty of being women, right?
WRONG!
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never done paragliding (and I don’t think I ever will, at least not while I’m sober).
So why should you do it during those days?
I never wear tight dresses, so why would I do it during those days when I have a bloated belly?
Just to prove that during those days I am like Wonder Woman?
I am never Wonder Woman. I am a human being!
READ HERE, MAYBE THIS CAN RESTORE YOU
(TRANSLATE THE PAGE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE)
Do you see what I mean now?
These are our role models.
So how can we compete with them?
Women didn’t create these absurdities, and at least not the real ones.
What’s more is that the woman who can jump through hoops in “those days” is a CEO with the body of a statue, who signs deals with other multinational companies with one hand, while with the other holds the spoon to feed her baby (food she carefully prepared herself, to be precise).
At home, she has a pot roast in the over, chilled wine, and a husband who waits for her in bed to make love passionately all night long.
I mean, we could never compete with this monster, not even if we tried!
But here’s a little bit of hope.
Your Fairy has only a few days left
I must warn you, it’s not easy. But it is possible.
Only you know who your Fairy is, what she looks like, how she talks, what she says, what she thinks, and how she behaves.
Because that’s how you wish you could be and behave, since you can remember.
Because that’s how you wish you could become but you will never be able to because she doesn’t exist.
You do exist, however. You just need to come out without any fear, without comparing yourself to anyone, without feeling inferior to anybody, without judgments, and without critics.
So what do you say? Do you think it’s difficult?
Then let me ask you something else: “Do you think it’s easy to keep trying to be somebody you are not?”
Let me help you free yourself of those chains that are keeping you from fully living your life.
Those chains are keeping you from pursuing a career you truly love.
They are keeping you from seeing just how beautiful you are, because you are too busy thinking of how inadequate and fat you look.
They are keeping you from being in love, because you are too busy thinking of how scared you are to be alone.
They are keeping you from enjoying sex, because you have no idea how to release the Woman in you.
They are keeping you from any type of relationship, because you are unable to fully express yourself or even listening to anyone around you.
Those chains are basically keeping you from living your Life.
Let’s now have a closer look at all the areas that the Fairy affects with her “subtle touch”.
From house chores, to sex, to the work place.
In the meanwhile, please keep in mind one thing.
The Fairy is subtle, and everything she whispers in your ear can very well be true.
She will never make you feel like a loser because you didn’t win the Olympics, but she will attack you on the one pound you put on.
She will never tell you that you are a loser because you are not an astronaut or because you didn’t win a Nobel Prize (because she knows that those things are improbable and that you will laugh at her face), but she will make you feel inadequate when she compares you to your sister, who makes much more than you do and is much more beautiful than you.
She will never make you feel like a loser because you are not an international fashion model, but she will make you feel bad because of that one teeny tiny wrinkle on your face.
Basically, she knows all of your weak points, and that’s what she aims at.
They are not terrible things; rather, very small flaws, almost impossible to perceive.
The flaws that only you can see.
Like Claudia and her feet, got it?
